- I've accrued 3.4 vacation days
after working at my job for an entire year.
If we stay up the entire time,
that's like a 10-day vacation.
Okay, so we have the whole week off,
but really, it's 2 1/2 days.
Who are we kidding?
It takes me a couple days to unwind,
and I'd like to come back by Friday,
so I can go grocery shopping, get the laundry done.
I mean, I'm not gonna just jump back into my work week.
After being around all you people,
I'm gonna need a day alone on my phone, just in the dark.
Okay, three bikinis, a cover up, and some heels.
All packed!
No honey, I need this bag.
These are my good hats.
I can't just put my good hats in with clothes.
It'll ruin them.
This is my supplement bag.
That's the bag full of stuff
I know the kids are gonna forget
because they pack like idiots.
It's like 12 pair of underwear,
one pair of socks, and a sweater.
We're going to the beach.
This is the snack bag.
We are not buying snacks when we get to the beach.
I'm not paying $10 for a bag of chips. No.
Gotta bring my good shampoo.
That travel shampoo does not cut it.
Do I need a shampoo bag?
Yes I do.
I Pricelined this hotel.
If we split this one room between the 12 of us,
it'll be super affordable.
Let's go, girls.
Let's just get the same house we went to last year.
I mean, I know that it costs more than a car,
but everyone will get their own bathroom.
Everyone needs their own space
for their special morning time, right, babe?
If we sleep shoulder-to-shoulder,
we can at least get four people on the bed,
and easily eight on the floor right here.
We'll call housekeeping and get wash cloths
to use as blankets.
Of course, I'm bringing my own pillows.
I have a system.
I need one for the back of the head,
one to like weirdly, hold on my stomach.
One to like keep on my side in case I roll over.
And then one's just a barrier
because I like to avoid all contact.
Let's not spend money on food.
We could just split this box of Triscuits.
(Triscuit snaps)
I'm full already.
We are not calling for pizza as soon as we get there.
I've color coded the first two nights of meals.
This is who I am now.
You're gonna feel so much better.
You're gonna thank me.
Guys, we finished that case of beer in two hours.
Better go to the bar and get some random guys
to buy us drinks.
I got some new mocktail recipes off Pinterest,
and I bought these mocktails off Instagram.
We're gonna feel amazing.
What do you wanna do today?
Just walk around and explore?
Find some locals.
Go back to their house.
Make some bad decisions.
Hey guys, I have every single minute planned of our trip.
I've been on TripAdvisor for the past two weeks.
I have a full itinerary and every moment's planned.
It's gonna be an adventure.
I wrote in an hour for fun on Tuesday.
Let me check my bank account.
$27.
Guys, Zima's on me.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
Dinner for four was, wow.
Okay. Nice job ordering that $40 sea bass,
but at least my glass of wine was good.
It is 9:00 PM.
I'm going to take a quick nap
so I have all the energy I need to go out tonight.
I am recharged.
Ooh, we made it to nine o'clock.
Ugh, what a day.
Are you using my pillow?
You know I brought my own pillow system here.
Hand it over.
I'm sorry, no.
Gimme my pillow.
(sighs) It's a relaxing, relaxing vacation.
It's already 10:00 AM.
I can't believe I got a full four hours of sleep.
Let's go hit bottomless brunch.
Guys, rise and shine! (claps)
It's 8:00 AM. I've been up for four hours.
Let's not waste the day. Let's go!
I lost one of my high heels last night.
Oh, well I don't need shoes.
These platform sandals, I promise,
They're like walking around in orthotics.
So comfortable. I got them in two different colors.
Did anyone bring baby oil?
It's okay, we can just fry.
Okay, I have my SPF 100, a long sleeve coverup.
I'm sitting under a concrete structure.
I have paid too much in Botox
to get sun damage at this point.
We've been at the pool for three hours.
Better hydrate. (can tab cracks)
You can never have too much water in days like this.
Hey kids, drink your water.
It's a water break.
I'm so jealous of your sunburn.
You're gonna have such an amazing base tan.
Honey, you look a little sunburned.
You know what they say?
One bad sunburn, lifelong skin damage.
Not worth it, babe. Cover up.
What a great week.
We trashed that hotel room.
Well, that's what housekeeping is for, right?
Babe, we have to clean before the cleaners come.
This place looks disgusting.
(vacuum roars)
What will the cleaners think of us if they see this?
If we wanna rent this place again next year,
we gotta keep it tidy.
Come on. (vacuum roars)
Will you write something nice in the guest book?
Tell them how much we loved it,
even though their toilet paper sucks.
People who only use one pillow,
what is it like to be God's favorite?
I need at least, I mean, three minimum, three minimum.
Four would be nice.
Four would be nice, but if I'm traveling, I need three.
I need three.
- [Husband] It's great being married to you.
- I know. I'm not high maintenance when I travel.
Mmm.
- [Camera Person] How's that beer, Kim?
- Taste of my youth.
It brings me back.
My gosh, 1995.
Let's not spend money on food.
Let's just, Sunny, you're not allowed on vacation.
(laughs)
- [Camera Person] But he's so good.
- I know, but okay, you just stayed down there.