[Music]
welcome to dead meat the horror channel
with that one dude with the hair that
one dude is me James Agee nice and today
I'm gonna be ranking the four screen
movies from worst to best in an effort
to tailor the ranking system to each
specific franchise I cover my criteria
for judging these movies include how
well it's made like the writing
directing acting etc how scary and funny
it is since all the screens try to be
scary and funny how good the ghosts face
reveal is how fun or entertaining it is
to watch and since my main series is the
kill count and I'm kind of obligated to
judge the kills even though let's be
real it's scream they're mostly knife
stabs as always I'll try to say what I
like about all the movies even the ones
that rank low now let's grab our phones
and voice changers and get to the
rankings number four in last place is
the original screen and I'm just messing
with the edge screen 3 of course it's
scream 3 it has to be scream 3 scream 3
is what you'd get if a fifth-grader
watched the first two screen movies and
was told to make another one but the
only film equipment they had was a piece
of fresh dogshit it's bad it's gonna try
to say let's start with my biggest
annoyance that GD voice changer James
they use a voice changer in all the
movies why you so butter first off don't
say Barker you sound like a 10 year old
second off the first two movies featured
simple and realistic voice changers no
matter who you were you talk into the
thing he gets sexy sneer and Ghostface
voice surprise
shit knee side note Roger L Jackson's
voice performance is one of the best
things of the franchise dude kills it
just like he does when he's mojo frickin
Jojo but in scream 3 the new device
allows you to perfectly imitate another
human beings voice and speak original
words and sentences in it do these
counter voices that's just like phonemes
don't work that way talking about how
much fun it's gonna be to rip your
insides out you can't do that from the
other side of a door with a little
handheld device that's insane the screen
movies are bound in realism their whole
premise is staked on the fact that this
is our world with our rules and logic
this voice changer especially when it's
such a huge part of the plot completely
undercuts the movie not that there's not
plenty of other stuff that's bad here
the convoluted gas explosion death is
like a mousetrap of factors leading up
to it and everyone knows the mousetrap
setup never goes off without a hitch to
promo shots taken 28 years apart aren't
about to have the same lighting blocking
and composition as each other and
there's no realistic way that Roman
could have stopped his pulse at the
perfect time for Dale to check it and
determine he was dead
speaking of Roman can you say worst
ghost face ever there's some decent
competition in that field scream 3 has
such a huge cast running around and they
picked the most bland and forgettable
dude to be the big reveal in the end
when he takes his mask off even sin just
stares blankly trying to remember who he
is before he has to tell us from the
Richer director oh you mean the dude who
wore glasses and every other scene in
this movie and wanna entirely against
retconning during a series making Roman
the evil mastermind behind millions dude
takes away from those characters the
directorship yeah Roman that's like the
one and only thing we know about you we
got it on the subject of fake movies
it's dumb that they're making stab three
but have location sets and props from
scream want which was already covered in
stab 1 in screen - I can't I can't with
this some of these points may seem like
nitpicking but they're all symptomatic
of a film that just didn't care enough
to try to be a good scream movie maybe
it's because it was the only scream not
written by Kevin Williamson the guy who
came up with a series in the first place
I could go on and on about problems I
have with this movie from the Jay and
Silent Bob cameo to the spooky scary
ghost mom to the severely toned-down
kills but I've got three more movies to
cover so I should probably wrap this out
by being fair and pointing out the
things I did like about it even in a sea
of wasted actors parker posey manages to
stand out and give a fun performance
that makes her scenes actually
entertaining to watch we get a Carrie
Fisher cameo that's never not good I'm
also down with how they handled them
concluded the Dewey Gaillard hash tag
team gooey Kincaid partner Wallace is
like the creed bratton of the movie not
in it a lot a funny one he is he was
making a movie called stab he was
stabbed right this is the scene where
you come with us after they realized how
much of a mistake it was to kill Randy
in part - I like that they came up with
a halfway decent way to work him into
the third movie and how no man that
might be in this movie sucks number
three coming in at number three is
scream - I had a real hard time coming
to a decision on these middle two spots
and I'll admit that the amazing podcast
we hate movies might have influenced me
a little bit when they covered this
movie I like screamed - enough it at
least tries to be a respectable movie
unlike the cartoony Part three and it
still focuses mainly on Sidney which is
less true when the movies that followed
now the Campbell is great conveying the
trust issue Sid has because of the first
movie and the new additions to the cast
are all solid including Liev Schreiber
as a wigged-out cot wery aggressively
tried to prove he's innocent and Laurie
Metcalf is a straight-up crazy lady and
there's an impressive increase in the
brutality to the kills it may be less
creative than the ones in the original
but they're just this
serious and of course a lot more
numerous but I'm closer examination
you'll find weird things that probably
came from the super rushed production
and the continuous onset script rewrites
one of the biggest examples is Mickey
being the killer a ghost face revealed
just as lame as Romans the dude
seriously hasn't seen once in the 45
minutes preceding his big reveal what
kind of shit is that and that's coming
from someone who loves Timothy Olyphant
and the way he manages to rock my
hairline it's the last scene we see him
in before the big climax that also
single-handedly knocks this movie below
scream 4 it's that god-awful cafeteria
scene we're SIDS boyfriend Derek starts
giving a performance of The Partridge
Family that absolutely nobody asked for
or wanted I think this bit goes on
forever as he dances around on tabletops
like he's a polo shirt at Fred Astaire
ad in Mickey's obnoxious dancing and him
trying to orchestrate the rest of the
students in this cafeteria when they're
just trying to grab lunch between
classes and my body is clenching with
second hand embarrassment to top it all
off the background music sounds like
it's from a corporate retreat video
scored by the bird in general scream -
feels like an imitation of the original
that needed more time in the oven
it could also shave off like ten minutes
think it's two hours long what are you
trying to do scream to win an Oscar take
out the thespian Sydney storyline that's
not doing anything other than setting up
for a ridiculous climax wherein Laurie
Metcalf is partially defeated by foam
rocks and fake paper flames that's a
silly as the idea of a knife going
through a bathroom stall partition
cleanly and accurately enough to kill a
dude it's as silly as not D masking or
choking out go space when you're
climbing over his unconscious body it's
a silly as that film class discussion
that's just an excuse from the movie to
be meta and give Joshua Jackson some
acting practice after The Mighty Ducks
movies basically this is a movie that
tried to be serious and ended up a
little silly which is admittedly better
than scream 3 a movie that tried to be
silly and ended up a flaming trash can
of a movie number 2 like I said I had a
hard time deciding my number to scream
movie is scream 4 ultimately I think it
came down to scream for having great
gore and not having that horrendous
cafeteria scene
god damn I hate that thing I'll be
honest and say I was kind of
fundamentally against this movie even
existed since I felt like The Scream
storyline was pretty strongly concluded
after the ot but it is fun to check back
in on so many characters over a decade
after we last saw them also I greatly
appreciate how screen for course
corrects the tone
the series after scream 3 beard
uncontrollably towards comedy the movie
does a good job bringing the series out
of the 90s updating the technology to
include live streams and viral videos
and updating his genre commentary to
include discussions about reboots and
the saw type movies that had come out
since scream 3 it's not scary it's gross
I hate on it torture porn shit stab
being on the seventh installment is
pretty funny and that jokes part of the
double fake-out meta opening which
doesn't make complete sense when you
really think about it but is a perfect
combination of how the series talks
directly to the audience there's still a
lot of things that bugged me though
Woodsboro looks distractingly different
to me although that might just come from
my recognition of the shooting location
and Arbor Michigan home of the leaders
the best I don't like all the red
herring characters who are creepy for no
reason scream 3 was bad enough with
Kincaid and Angelina but scream 4 is
worse with deputy Judi emerging from the
shadows like she's about to ask where
her preciouses and Sydney's Aunt Kate
talking wistfully and making midnight
grocery Rob's also it's a relatively
small thing but where did they come up
with their big rule for horror remakes
in fact the only surefire way to survive
in modern horror movie you pretty much
have to be gay maybe I just haven't seen
enough reboots but can any of you give
me any examples of the supposed
phenomenon I'm also a little annoyed
that they didn't have the guts to kill
off any of the main characters if you're
coming back to an established series
after such a long absence err that shit
out man and check some life with a deaf
really force awakens instead all three
OG scream stars survive even though
Courtney Cox is sidelined for almost the
entire third app at least the ghost face
reveals makes sense as obnoxious as the
characters are both Charlie's trademark
entitled nice guy and Jill's
fame-seeking reality TV sociopaths are
believable murderers for a horror movie
in the 20 times and near the end of the
movie is Jill's self-inflicted harm
sequence one of my favorite things in
the entire franchise that's some good
stuff finally scream 4 has hayden
Panettiere the MVP of the new cast so
much great face acting and she's such a
likeable person in a perfect world Wes
Craven would have gone on to make a
second scream trilogy about Kirby which
I realized was a possibility with her
open-ended fate until sadly Kraven
passed away a few years ago before it
came out I thought scream 4 was
unnecessary but the movie managed to
convince me that the series was worth
updating even if it didn't execute all
those updates perfectly okay probably
would have helped if they had wiped all
that masa lien off the camera lenses
when they shot it seriously next time a
horror series makes a long-awaited
sequel it should probably avoid lighting
it like I saw
for number one there was never any
question about the top spot on this list
the original scream is the best group
because it's one of the best horror
movies of the 90s there's a reason this
movie upended the entire genre and put
horror movies back into the mainstream
it was self-aware it was funny and it
was scary to dude the openings seem to
scream is one of the greatest opening
sequences in a horror movie ever not
only does it establish right away that
these characters know and love all the
same horror movies we do but if freakin
kills off drew Barrymore just 12 minutes
in that chick was all over all the promo
materials it's a perfect scene of ever
heightening tension between ghosts faces
increasingly hostile calls to the Jiffy
Pop stovetop fire and both deaths in it
are graphic enough to let you know this
isn't just going to be a comedy in fact
most of the kills are solid while the
later screen movies would feature kills
that were almost always just stabbings
and shootings this one got the infamous
garage door death as well as the
shocking end to Stu mocker and do you
even want to get me started on the tour
de force that Matthew Lillard gives Wow
liver liver live as a joke yeah it might
be a little over the top sometimes but
he's giving it his all as is the rest of
the cast Neve Campbell established a
Sidney Prescott as a strong yet
relatable anchor to the story and would
remain the strongest asset of scream for
the entire series run Jamie Kennedy
bought so much goodwill is Randy that I
saw Malibu's Most Wanted in theaters and
Skeet Ulrich has Sidney's entitled
boyfriend Billy Loomis is greasy ER and
grimy er than a glob of gopher guts and
that's another thing these ghost faces
are the best two of the series they're a
great combination of reason and chaos
nilly acts as the mastermind mad about
Maureen Prescott's affair that helped
break his parents up and whining over
blue balls that he blames on Sydney
while stills motivation is more
terrifyingly random peer pressure
I'm far too sensitive but also because
let's be real dudes in love with Billy
look at these two I ship them so hard
few movies can successfully strike a
humorous tone while still making you
take a seriously but because screen puts
his likable hero in constant danger all
while presenting a great whodunit
mystery that keeps the audience engaged
it's able to be funny without ever
sacrificing its authority as a horror
movie I don't care how cliche or common
in opinion it's become I freaking love
the original screen and will forever
respect its impact on our favorite movie
genre
and that's my list if you missed any of
the screamed kale counts hit up the
playlist linked right over there and
apologies yet again to my Canadian
viewers for whatever reason the scream
to kill count was blocked in your
country I don't know man that shit just
happens to me I hope they never make a
scream 5 since Wes Craven wouldn't be
involved but if they do you know I'll
cover down the kill count until then I'm
James Agee nice this has been dead meat