hey everyone and welcome to top think today we're going to learn about seven tips to hold
a conversation with anyone now let's begin number one creating intention amateur conversationalist
often sabotage their own interactions by forgetting one important thing before you
start talking to someone decide why that conversation matters what are you trying
to accomplish here okay let's say for example that you strike up a conversation with a new
colleague that exchange could go any number of ways if you want to recruit them for something
at work you might bring up the new project you're starting if you want to find someone
to hang out with you probably ask them what their hobbies are so what are these two examples have
in common they both use a specific intention there's a goal that you want to accomplish so
you know how and where to kick things off if you didn't create that intention things would go a
whole lot differently you'd ask generic questions there'd be lots of awkward pauses the conversation
would go on way too long simply because neither one of you knew when to stop you need intention
for the same reason that you plan a vacation before you go on it or you pick a destination
before you start driving that freedom might seem like a good idea at first I'm sure it lets you
choose from a limitless number of possibilities but most of the time the conversation will be
so general that you can't decide what to talk about you end up feeling aimless and awkward
to solve this problem you need to narrow down your options make a plan decide on a specific
direction when you enter any conversation you should know the reason that you're there this
approach gives you two very important ingredients of a good conversation a subject and a time limit
having a subject means you always have something to talk about something to connect with and ask
questions about you're finished you don't have to sit around and wonder whether or not it's
time to say goodbye but intention doesn't just smooth over the awkward moments it makes you a
more capable conversationalist if you know what to talk about you'll naturally act more confident and
self-assured your words will have purpose which automatically gives them more weight people are
more likely to invest in a conversation with you simply because you're there for a reason
you can easily start every conversation on the right foot by coming in with intention number
2 intention checks now you know you should create intention but what does a good intention actually
look like will anything work as long as you decide beforehand not every intention produces
a good conversation if you approach a new friend at a party you can't really ask them to give you
a job or if you strike up a conversation with your boss don't expect to find someone to go
hiking with the conversation and the context they need to line up the best intentions will
consider the environment and the type of person that you're talking to otherwise you won't get
them interested you'll just catch them off guard so after you decide on your intention
ask yourself a few important questions first who am I talking to second what expectations do they
have of me third why are they here fourth is what I'm saying appropriate for this situation now you
might not notice how strange something sounds until you force yourself to take a step back
in your head a topic might make perfect sense but the other person has no idea what you're thinking
they aren't drawing the same connections that you our context is all they have so use these
simple checks to stop you from throwing people off number three unique questions asking questions
is an important part of any lasting conversation you need them to keep things interesting to stop
the conversation from running a ground if you're someone who struggles to keep conversations going
then try to ask more questions than you answer let the spotlight shine on the other person
while you direct things from behind the scenes the role of conversational question keeper has
a number of advantages first of all you just spend less time talking questions are almost
always shorter than answers so you have more time and space to think about what to say next
questions also communicate genuine interests most of the time they tell the other person
you're excited to know more just make sure your questions are specific and on topic for example
if someone is telling you a story about how their car broke down don't randomly ask if they've ever
traveled overseas your questions should show that you're interested and paying attention that way
the other person feels like you care about what they have to say finally questions make you seem
like a friendlier more confident person they show that you don't need the spotlight you can
be attentive and enthusiastic even if you're not talking about yourself this is actually a pretty
rare skill to have many people lose interest or stop listening if they don't feel like they're
the center of attention taking a more selfless approach to the conversation will earn you big
points no matter who you're talking to number four no the tears when you first meet someone
new certain subjects are off-limits it's almost like there's an unspoken hierarchy of topics on
the bottom there are super casual ones like sports or the weather but on the top there are incredibly
personal topics like family and health so how do you know which subjects are appropriate to
talk about and which are crossing the line well it helps to break the list of topics down into three
separate groups the first is perfect for first impressions these are subjects that everyone
knows about and few people have a personal connection to food movies and celebrities
are great first-time topics they're safe easy and don't ruffle any feathers the second tier
is a bit riskier topics like politics romance and the news can get people riled up people
often have a very personal stake in whatever they believe so these subjects are best used
when chatting with someone that you know finally the third tier is for the most personal subjects
like religion family and insecurities you should really only talk about these with close friends
and way too invasive for a casual conversation it's worth saying that these tears aren't all
that clear cuts sometimes a casual conversation can dip into a more personal subject then if that
does happen just make sure you're not making the other person uncomfortable at the end of
the day comfort matters more than staying within the proper tier number 5 cut the complaints okay
let's say you aren't the biggest fan of your boss you think he's annoying lazy and abrasive you're
convinced you could do his job way better than he can but if a co-worker walks up and asks you what
you think of your boss what should you say should you start ranting about your deep-seated hatred
should you brag about how much better of a leader you are ranting complaining and gossiping or three
of the most common conversational mistakes you might be trying to bond over a collective issue
or just give an honest answer but you're not doing yourself any favors in fact all three of these put
an incredibly negative spin on the conversation gossip makes people feel uncomfortable and nervous
complaints make you look self-centered while most rants are just plain overwhelming people won't
want to talk to you when you start complaining they'll start looking for a way out you obviously
don't want that so what should you do instead well before someone gets to know you you sometimes need
to bend the truth using that previous example even if you do hate your boss you should still
find something positive to say you don't need to make up some elaborate I just show the other
person that you have a good attitude so that way you seem safe and approachable you don't come off
as a toxic person by cutting out complaints you can keep the conversation positive and fun for
everyone involved number six chaining stories how do you usually end your stories do you wait
for the other person to ask for more information you can effortlessly keep conversations going by
ending each story with a question this creates a smooth transition between topics while keeping
you in the driver's seat so imagine you just finished a story about a recent camping trip
you shouldn't stop talking when your story ends it's almost like playing catch with someone but
instead of throwing the ball back you just hold on to it a question at the end of your story will
pass the spotlight back to the other person this gives them a chance to be active and invested it
may sound like a simple change but that one question can make all the difference number
seven persistent practice ultimately the best advice that anyone can give you is to have more
conversations talk to more people everything on this list will help you improve in some way but
if you want to become a better conversationalist you need experience people don't always react like
you think they will on paper one thing might make perfect sense yet it looks completely different
in practice why well because even if small talk is pretty standardized people's personalities
aren't you never really know what someone will say or do until you're there so you need that
experience to make you a more flexible socialite as you slowly get a handle on how people react
you'll discover more and more opportunities to incorporate these tips into each interaction
with these under your belt you can easily hold a conversation with just about anyone hey thank you
for watching top think and be sure to subscribe because more incredible content is on the way