Hello, everyone.
What we're going to say today isn't funny or sarcastic.
But it needs to be said.
We've made a number of lapses in judgment over the past few years,
and we owe you some apologies.
There's no justifying what we've done.
But we hope that in time, you might be willing to forgive us, and maybe even give us another chance.
I'm sorry
for not being overly sarcastic.
At best I've only been moderately sarcastic,
and at worst, I've been downright sincere.
And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I've summarized Greece and Rome so much that it goes beyond summary
and enters into the realm of synopsis.
Our channel is supposed to be summaries,
and I've betrayed that.
I'm sorry my trope talks aren't actually talks.
They're not even dialogues; they're monologues. Who likes monologues?
I'm sorry I didn't address Wakanda in my African history video.
It's been a crazy couple months for anthropologists everywhere.
I'm sorry for mistranslating that ancient Egyptian curse,
and accidentally getting 15 archeologists killed.
On the plus side, I got this nifty necklace out of it.
On the downside, I'm pretty sure if I ever take it off I might get eaten by a mummy.
I'm sorry, we promised you a Let's Play channel when all we ever do is talk about boring books and dead dudes.
I'm sorry for setting my voicemail message to a passage from the Necronomicon,
and on a related note, if you ever called my phone, I'm sorry for all the demons manifesting out of your keypad.
I'm sorry for drunkenly explaining monotheism to Akhenaten that one time.
He took it way too far, but I shouldn't have encouraged him.
I'm sorry for wasting those three wishes I got on a lifetime supply of Cheesecake instead of world peace.
I'm sorry for suggesting that Robespierre just guillotine everyone.
I thought the sarcasm was obvious, but clearly he did not.
I just wanted him to use it for bagels.
I'm sorry for committing the unforgivable sin of human transmutation
and accidentally disintegrating my brother.
OFF SCREEN: Quit telling everyone I'm dead!
Sometimes I can still hear his voice.
I'm sorry for telling Virgil that nobody would notice if he just copied off of Homer the night before his Aeneid was due.
I'm sorry I sunk Atlantis. I swear I had no idea that's what that button did.
I'm sorry that I stole the horses of St. Mark from Constantinople.
I didn't want to be the one guy at the crusade not pulling their weight.
Also, I'm sorry about the Crusades.
I'm sorry. I caused the Tunguska event by plugging a power bar into itself for infinite energy.
The good news is it worked.
If you've watched the video where I draw out Les Mis,
we're sorry for your pain.
And if you've seen Food Fight, we're sorry in general.
I'm sorry. I didn't cry when Balder died,
thereby forstalling his resurrection and condemning him to hell.
I just don't like expressing my emotions publicly.
He just wants to be loved!
Sorry for kidnapping Tripitaka that one time, but in my defense,
Everyone was doing it.
I'm sorry, I told Pandora that I dropped my keys in her box.
I thought it was hilarious at the time, but in hindsight...
Not my proudest moment.
I'm sorry
that I invented a time machine,
went back to steal the Library of Alexandria,
shrink it down Brainiac style and put it in a bottle, and then burned the foundations to cover my tracks.
I'm sorry
Wait, what did you do?
Uh... Well, you see...
You what?!
Well, actually...
YOU burned down the library? You monster. You wait till I get over there!
I don't know what I was worried about; she's hundreds of miles away
OFFSCREEN: There you are, you barbarian!
Bye.
Don't clock out.
*Cheesy Music*
Went back to steal the Alexandria library,
*Assorted mouth noises*