People always say,
"God, you know, it must suck to be blind".
My god, how do you do it?
Oh, you poor guy.
It's true! But you know what?
There are plenty of good things about being blind.
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I go on airplanes first.
I get VIP treatment at amusement parks.
Every single woman I've ever been with is a 10.
Never have to worry about drinking and driving.
I don't have to watch somebody age.
I ride the train for half fare.
A lot of times, I even ride for free, they just won't come and ask for my ticket.
They'll just walk right by me.
"Better not disturb the blind guy. Shh."
"We'll let him ride for free today."
I can get a handicap parking sticker.
I don't have to do my own lawn.
My electric bill's lower than yours.
I mean, think about it. I don't have the lights on all day, right?
I got out of paying the 3 bucks extra for 3D once.
I got out of gym all through school. I totally got out of gym.
It was awesome.
Well, like in our school, everybody had to be on a team.
I was on varsity suntan.
I get free directory assistance.
I have fewer bills, right? No car insurance, no car payment.
So I got a couple less things.
You know what's cool about being blind? There's no race.
I don't know from beauty.
I know people from what comes out of there mouth, and what's in their heart.
That's how I know people.
It's very cool that way.
My hearing is so much better than everybody else's.
In fact all my senses are better than yours.
Nope, it's not a myth, it's all true.
♪ [bumper music]
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People come up to me on the street, and they'll just hand me a sandwich sometimes.
You know, sometimes people hand me money.
You know, it's great.
Oh my god, you poor thing, here, here's 10 dollars.
At least, they tell me it's 10.
Then I'll go into a store with it, and they go, "You owe me 9 bucks".