This is something that happened to me yesterday.
You know, I've been stuck at home coz I'm sick,
I have COVID though I'm okay. And--
You have a very, you have the very mild,
I have the mild.
I'm vaccinated so it didn't hit me that hard,
but my husband -
You have the Fisher Price COVID.
I have the Fisher Price one.
No, fortunately let me just be responsible.
You've been fully vaccinated Yes.
And then boosted.
So you got COVID but you've presented very mild,
very mild symptoms.
Very mild.
And yet you've still refused to really do any work.
But anyway, go ahead.
Okay. Sorry, anyway.
So Me and Tack and our boys, we go for a walk every day.
And yesterday we're walking, and before I say this,
you know, Conan you know
about my temper, that I've tried really hard to -
You. You have a hair trigger temper.
I've seen it in action.
Yeah.
When you get mad, you see red
and I've asked you to try and get it under control
coz sometimes you're with me
and you start to go off on somebody and I'm like,
"Sona, I don't wanna read about this tomorrow in the paper."
Yeah.
That Conan O'Brien was seen with a Tasmanian Devil.
Yeah.
(laughing)
So, um, so what happened? I'm curious.
Okay. So, it's been a long time since my temper's come out
but yesterday, some bitch is jogging with her dog
on one of those waist leashes.
What? Oh.
So she's jogging and both her hands are free
and I'm walking my dog and we're with the boys
and Tack's walking the boys
and she's jogging in the middle of the street
on this cul-de-sac. So Okie goes towards her dog,
her dog comes towards my dog
and then she like swivels coz she's jogging.
And she goes, "Lady, watch your dog!"
And I go, "Are you fucking serious?"
And I go, "They're dogs."
And I tried to, I actually like held Okie back,
and then she just kept jogging.
I was like, "That's right, keep jogging, bitch!"
And I turned towards Tack and I was like
"What just happened to me?" Like I was gonna -
Oh, I will tell you exactly what happened
to you because I've, Stab this woman in the face.
I have been there for these instances with you
when you completely lose it.
And let me explain to people,
Sona's a very polite, kind person most of the time.
But when you lose it, it's immediate.
Yeah.
You've got your babies with you.
Yes.
You've got these six month old twins with you.
Yes.
And you wanna throw down,
I mean what you're using is the language
of a penitentiary. Yeah.
You wanna pull out a shiv
that you've fashioned in shop
and that you've hidden in dark recesses of your body.
And you wanna pull that out and and stab someone to death
in that moment.
I do. And you know, luckily the boys were sleeping
and they're six months old, so they won't remember this.
But I did, I yelled to this woman, "Keep running, bitch."
Like, but also
What if that's their first words?
(all laughing)
What if you're like, "Say mama, say dada,"
and your parents are there
and everyone's gathered around and they're like,
"Keep running, bitch."
(all laughing)
And then Charlie says that and then Mikey goes,
"Ha ha, keep running, bitch."
Then they teach each other how to correct it.
And then it says, it's like, "Keep running, bitch."
Then they harmonize, keep running, bitch.
Every time you put them down
for a nap and then leave the room.
You just hear, "Keep running, bitch."
Yeah.
(Sona laughing)
Okay. There you go, guys. Nighty night.
Have a good sleep.
Mama loves you.
Daddy loves you.
Everybody loves you.
And I'll just close the door and,
"Yeah, keep running, bitch."
I don't think you got the stones to be our mom.
It's called a fucking dog, mom.
I don't need your boobs.
We're getting our milk online.
Yeah, from each other.
What?
We just ordered some Similac dehydrated milk.
What the hell?
Off Amazon so keep walking, bitch.
And watch your goddamn dog.
We took a walk the other night
and it was maybe four o'clock
and it was just barely starting to dim.
And this old woman jogged past us
doing that kind of walking jog, you know?
And she just muttered to herself, not even to us,
"Too dark to walk a baby."
What do you mean, who?
I've never heard of it's too dark to walk a baby.
Oh my God.
What does that even mean?
I don't know but I have to say, Sona, I understand it.
The problem was I did that thing
and maybe Conan you could relate with this,
where also we were three houses from our house
and we got in the house and I went, "Wait, why didn't I yell
at that lady mind your own business?"
Instead I just went, ooh.
Yeah. You know?
Yeah. Well, that's you.
I, when things like that would happen
and my kids were really young, I would,
I remember once throwing my daughter at the person.
Oh.
She was about four months old
but she had some, she had strong bones.
Too dark to throw a baby.
Yeah. I said it meant too dark to walk a baby
but not too dark to throw a baby.
Heave, ho!
(laughing)
Wow, that was-- Catch this, grandma.
Yeah, and,
That's good though.
It's good to have restraint, Matt.
I would have exploded and then I would've gone home
and I would've been like, "Why did I do that?"
But I regretted the other side of it.
And now I'm obsessed with that,
too dark to walk a baby.
Yeah.
What? I've never, I don't understand.
I don't understand.
I think everyone's losing their minds.
And I will say, I absolutely love our neighbors
but they saw us walking the baby at the same time, too.
And for Christmas they got us two of those,
like Caltrans reflector vests and--
It's not that dark.
But that was -
But wait a minute. I'm sorry.
I'm on, I'm on their side now.
I assume when you told the story that you
when you're walking a newborn at night,
that you're both wearing reflector vests
and you have those lights on.
Oh no. We were in ninja suits.
(laughing)
You were both, you were both dressed
as people that put the scenery out in between scenes.
Yes. Black turtlenecks. At the theater?
Yeah. You were wearing black turtlenecks and--
And your daughter has all black on too for no reason.
She's in complete ghillie suit sniper camouflage.
Yeah. Yeah. Right. That's terrific.
And also I've never been in a fight before.
I mean, I don't know why I even said that to her,
like keep running? I mean,
what was I gonna do? Maybe it was
your maternal instincts kicking in
and you felt like a threat to your family.
No. She had this before.
Yeah.
We were in, many years ago,
Sona and I were with a friend of hers
and we were in a very nice restaurant
on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.
Oh, I know that, Arby's.
Yeah, and I guess, you know that place,
there's only one left.
Sona was being a little loud
and there was a guy way over at the of the table
and it was at the restaurant, just on the other side
and he just kind of made a shh shushing.
No
Hold it.
He went "Shh."
And you went, "Oh really? Really?"
And you stood up and you started to unload on this guy
while I'm there, in front of me.
And your friend was trying to restrain you, remember?
what was she saying to him?
You almost climbed across the table
and tore this guy's face off.
Wow.
I, And you know
who the guy was?
Who?
Stephen Hawking.
(laughing)
It was one of the great physicists of all time,
Stephen Hawking. And he went "Shh, please, please.
It's upsetting."
And she was like, "Oh really?
I've got ideas too, about black holes.
I'm gonna carve one in your fucking forehead."
I wasn't even shushing you,
that was the sound of my machine.
"Sorry, I wasn't shushing you,
that was the sound my machine that helps keep me alive
so I can think of new ways to help humanity
in my shortened lifespan."
"Oh yeah. Really?"
Remember that?
And then you tried to wheel him out the door
and security came.
Yeah. Do you remember any of this?
Yeah. Yeah.
You attacked him.
You started hitting him with a baguette.
You're right. I'm sorry.
And then he ended up apologizing to you.
"I'm sorry if I upset you." Remember?
Yeah.
And then he said,
"Wait a minute. I just had maybe my best idea yet."
And you went, "Shut it."
(laughing)
Yeah.
And then you screamed at him for 10 minutes
and then he went, "I forgot my idea."
(laughing)
He was being a dick.
Well, there you have it.
The story of the time.
Its Sona on the Upper West Side attacked Stephen Hawking.
(upbeat music)