>> James: LET'S MEET OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT.
SHE IS AN EMMY AN RECENT GRAMMY AWARD-WINNING PERFORMER, TRULY
ONE OF THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE ON THE PLANET, PLEASE WELCOME THE
ONE, THE ONLY TIFFANY HADDISH.
(APPLAUSE) WOW.
LOOK AT THIS, I'VE SEEN SOME MASKS OVER THE PAST 12 MONDAYS
BUT THAT IS THE BEST I'VE SEEN.
>> THANK YOUK I'M SMILINGK A SMILEY FACE MASK.
>> James: I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT LOOK AT YOU, YOU LOOK SO
GLAMOROUS.
>> I AM GOING TO TAKE IT OFF.
>> James: SURE.
>> BUT I'M KEEPING IT CLOSE.
>> James: GOOD FOR YOU.
>> I FEEL ANY SPITTLE COME THIS WAY.
>> James: YOU WON'T, I PROMISE.
>> SHIELD UP.
>> James: I PROMISE.
WE'RE SO HAPPY YOU ARE HERE, AND WE ARE SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU HERE
IN THE FLESH.
CONGRATS ON THE RECENT GRAMMY WIN.
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
>> James: RICHLY DESERVED.
NOW THIS PUTS YOU, YOU ARE NOW HALFWAY TO THE EGOT.
>> YES.
>> James: DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THIS?
IS THIS A GOAL FOR YOU, TO GET ALL FOUR.
>> LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, INITIALLY IT WAS NOT A GOAL OF
MINE, MY GOAL IS TO BRING JOY AND HAPPINESS TO OTHERS, TO
ENTERTAIN AND MAKE A [BLEEP] TON OF MONEY.
> James: SURE.
>> BUT NOW THAT EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT THE EGOT I'M THINK
BEING IT.
I'M THINKING ABOUT OH, YES, HOW CAN I DO IT.
AND I SAW YOU IN CATS, OKAY.
I SAW YOU.
AND IT MADE ME THINK IF HE COULD DO IT, I COULD DO IT.
>> James: WELL, BE IN CATS.
>> NO, NO, I DON'T WANT TO BE-- .
>> James: DON'T DO THAT.
>> I ALREADY HAVE A [BLEEP].
I WOULD LIKE-- .
>> James: SO WHICH TWO HAVE YOU GOT, YOU'VE GOT THE GRAMMY
AND THE EMMY.
>> I GOT THE GRAMMY AND THE EMMY AND I'M THINKING ABOUT, OKAY, A
TONY WOULD BE SUPERDOPE.
>> James: YEAH.
>> AND I WOULD LOVE TO BE IN DAMN YANKEES BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE
THAT IS SOMETHING I GO THROUGH IN LIFE.
AND I WOULD BE, YOU KNOW, THE CHARACTER LOLA BUT WE CHANGE HER
NAME TO TIFFANY.
WHATEVER TIFFANY WANTS.
♪ TIFFANY GETS.
♪ LITTLE TIFFANY-- .
♪ I WOULD KILL IT, I WOULD KILL IT.
I WOULD KILL IT.
>> James: THAT'S THE TONY RIGHT THERE.
>> YES.
>> James: THAT IS IN THE BAG.
>> IT'S DONE.
>> James: IT'S DONE.
>> AND SO IT IS.
>> James: I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS, WHICH I THINK IS
A-- BACK IN YOUR EARLY DAYS OF AUDITIONING YOU HAD QUITE A
SNEAKY WAY TO FIND OUT WHAT CASTING DIRECTOR AND DIRECTORS
THOUGHT OF YOU AFTER YOU LEFT THE ROOM.
EXPLAIN WHAT YOU USED TO DO.
THIS IS SOMETHING YOU GENUINELY DID.
>> YES, I GENUINELY DID.
THIS PROBABLY WASN'T LEGAL BUT I DID IT.
>> James: SURE.
>> SO I WOULD TAKE THE TAPE RECORDER.
AND ONE OF THE LITTLE TAPE RECORDERS THAT I WOULD RECORD MY
COMEDY SHOWS WITH AND STUFF.
I WOULD DROP IT IN MY PURSE, PUSH RECORD, GO INTO THE
AUDITION ROOM, AUDITION, WALK OUT WITHOUT MY PURSE, RIGHT,
LEAVE THE PURSE THERE.
THEN I WOULD LEAVE, LIKE WAIT, GO TO THE CAR, WAIT ABOUT 10, 15
MINUTESK COME BACK, OH, I LEFT MY BAG.
AND THEN I GET MY BAG BACK.
THEP I GO TO THE CAR, PUT STOP, REWIND, AND WE FIND OUT WHAT
THEY THINK.
>> Reggie: NICE, BRAVO,.
>> James: I MEAN, BUT-- THAT TO ME IS TERRIFYING.
WHAT STUFF WOULD YOU HEAR?
>> WELL, I HEARD THAT, OKAY, SO MY PURSE IS LIKE-- I REMEMBER
THERE WAS AN ARGUMENT BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE IN THE ROOM.
ONE PERSON LIKE SHE PER FENG FOR THE PART.
AND THE OTHER PERSON IS SHE IS TOO YOU ARE BA BE, A LITTLE TOO
GHETTO FOR US.
THE OTHER PERSON WAS WELL, THAT IS WHAT THIS CHARACTER NEEDS,
SHE BRINGS THE FUNNY, NOBODY ELSE BROUGHT THE FUN, AND OTHER
PERSON, SHE'S TOO FUNNY, SHE'S LIKE A CLOWN.
>> AND THE OTHER PERSON IS THAT IS WHAT WE NEED FOR THIS PART
THOUGH.
AND THEN, I GOT THAT JOB.
>> James: OF COURSE YOU DID.
HAVE YOU EVER USED THIS IN YOUR PERSONAL LIFE?
>> WELL, YOU KNOW.
>> James: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> WELL, YOU KNOW NOW I DON'T HAVE TO USE A TAPE RECORD TORE
RECORD THINGS, NEW OUR PHONES HEAR EVERYTHING, SO SOMETIMES I
MIGHT LEAVE THE PHONE ON VOICE MEMO, RECORD, YOU KNOW, RECORD
AND THEN I MIGHT WALK OUT OF THE ROOM OR SO.
AND MAYBE LIKE, YOU KNOW, I MIGHT JUST LEAVE IT THERE.
AND THEN YOU KNOW, GO AWAY, MY MAN MIGHT BE ON THE PHONE AND WE
FIND OUT WHAT IS ON THE PHONE CONVERSATION AT LEAST HIS SIDE
OF THE CONVERSATION.
AND THEN I REALIZE I WASTED MY BATTERY.
>> YEAH.
>> CUZ HE AIN'T TALKING ABOUT NOTHING.
>> I'M STILL ON T YOU KNOW, I'M WHAT YOU CALL A DETECTIVE.
>> ONE WORD FOR IT, YEAH.
>> OKAY, SPY.
>> James: YEAH, SPY.
NOW LIKE ME YOU HAVE BEEN, ALTHOUGH, IS THIS TRUE, YOU'VE
BEEN ON A HEALTH AND FITNESS JOURNEY, RIGHT?
WHAT PROMPTED YOU TO DO THIS.
WHAT HAS BEEN THE TOUGHEST PART OF THE JOURNEY.
>> THE THING THATMENT PROKED ME TO LOSE THE WEIGH WAS MY KNEE
AND MY TOES.
MY NEES AND MY TOES WAS BASICALLY TELLING ME THAT THEY
GOING TO QUIT, THAT THEY ARE GOING TO LEAVE MY BODY IF I
DON'T DO SOMETHING ABOUT ALL THIS, THAT THEY GOT TO CARRY IT
WAS TOO MUCH FOR THEM TO CARRY, SO THEY WAS INFLICTING A LOT OF
PAIN ON MY SPIRIT.
>> James: BUT YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN, YOU'VE NEVER BEEN BIG.
>> BABY, BABY, BABY, LET MAY TELL YOU SOMETHING, I KNOW HOW
TO WEAR WEIGHT WELL.
I WEAR WEIGHT GOOD LIKE SOME PEOPLE WEAR POTATOE SACK BAG,
YOU KNOW, THAT BAG LOOK GOOD ON YOU, THAT IS HOW I WEAR WEIGHT.
SO WHILE YOU MIGHT THINK SHE LOOKS A I MAAING, DOESN'T SHE
LOOK RADIANT, SHE LOOK GOOD.
MY KNEES WAS LIKE BITCH, WE LEAVING.
YOU ABOUT TO JUST BE WALKING ON ANKLES, OKAY.
AND MY ANKLES LIKE WE GOING TO LEAVE TOO.
SO, SOO I HAD TO LOSE THE WEIGHT, FIRST I STARTED WITH
LIKE, KIND OF EATING A LITTLE BETTER.
BUT YOU KNOW, MY PARENTS, WANT WHAT THEY WANT.
SO I SAID WELL LET'S GO WITH THIS FIVE MINUTES OF WORKING OUT
EVERY DAY, FIVE MINUTES, GOING FROM FIVE MINUTES TO TEN
MINUTES, 20, 15, WORK IT UP IN INCREMENTS.
I DON'T THINK WE'RE GOING TO PASS 30 MINUTES UNLESS WE ARE IN
A LARGE GROUP OF PEOPLE AND THE PANDEMIC HITS.
SO I'M NOT PASSING 30 MINUTESMENT AND THEN TRYING
DIFFERENT DIET STUFF, DIFFERENT KINDS OF FOODS, FOR 30 DAYS I
WENT PLEATLY VEGAN FOR 30 DAY, EATING RAW FOOD, JUST YOU KNOW,
VEG TABLES AND FRUIT JUICES.
AND YEAH, I LEARNED A OT ABOUT MYSELF.
>> James: IN WHAT WAY.
>> I LEARNED THAT THERE ARE CERTAIN, THERE IS-- PARASITES IS
REAL AND WHEN YOU STARVE THEM, THEY GET MAD.
AND THERE WAS LIKE A CONFLICT.
I WAS TALKING TO MY THERAPIST ABOUT THIS, I MIGHT HAVE A
LITTLE BIT OF MENTAL ILLNESS, WE DON'T KNOW.
BUT WHAT WE DO KNOW, WHAT WE DO KNOW IS SOMETHING INSIDE BE
WANTING STEAK.
>> James: YEAH.
>> AND IF IT DON'T GET THE MEAT THAT IT NEEDS-- AND THEN HAVE I
TO BRING THAT DOWN, NO, TEED WE EATING OUT OF THE GARDEN.
AND THEN BE LIKE PUT SOME BUGS ON IT.
AND THEN-- .
>> James: NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR BRILLIANT NEW MOVIE COMING
OUT THIS WEEKEND, THIS MOVIE IS CALLED HERE TODAY.
DIRECTED BY AND COSTARS BILLIE CRYSTAL WHO WE LOVE HERE ON THE
SHOW.
>> COSTAR, HE IS THE STAR, I GUESS WE ARE STARRING TOGETHER,
SO IT IS COSTAR.
>> James: WHAT IS HE LIKE AS A DIRECTOR.
>> HE WAS AMAZING AS A DIRECTOR.
I EARN WILLED SO MUCH FROM HIM.
I FEEL LIKE HE IS MY-- I LEARNED SO MUCH FROM HIM.
I FEEL LIKE HE IS MY UNCLE NOW, THAT I ALWAYS WANTED TO GUIDE ME
AND TEACH ME THINGS.
WE GREW REALLY CLOSE DURING THIS MOVIE.
HE AND HE ALWAYS ENCOURAGING.
I'M ALSO DOING A KIDS SAY THE DARNEDEST THING, HE IS ALWAYS
GIVING ME CUTE LITTLE KID JOKES, WE'RE FAMILY.
I FEEL SO LUCKY AND SO BLESSED, YOU KNOW.
HA HA, I CAN'T HELP MYSELF, I GOT TO STAY OFF THE INTERNET BUT
FOR ALL THE BITCHES THAT WE HATE, I KNOW YOU JELLOS.
I GOT TO WORK WITH BILLIE CRYSTAL.
AND I'M HOSTING MY OWN SHOW, KIDS SAY THE DARNED THING ON
CBS.
>> James: YOU ARE, WHICH PREMIERS THIS WEEK.
TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THE SHOW.
>> SO KIDS SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS IS A REALLY GREAT SHOW,
IT'S LIKE A SHOW FOR ADULTS THAT KIDS GET TO WATCH TOO.
AND IT IS ABOUT THE KIDS.
I INTERVIEW THEM, I TALK IT THEM, I GET ON THEIR LEVEL AND
INTERACT WITH THEM AND SEE WHAT THEY THINK OF THE WORLD AM HOW
DO THEY CEASE THINGS.
AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, KIDS ARE SMART AS ALL OUTDOORS,
AND I'M JUST, YOU KNOW, I'M ALWAYS FLABBERGASTED AT HOW IN
TUNE THEY ARE WITH EVERYTHING.
AND THEY ARE SO FUNNY.
THIS SHOW IS NOT ABOUT ME BEING FUNNY, IT IS ABOUT THE KID'S
POINT OF VIEW AND HOW THEY'RE HILARIOUS, I WILL JUST SAY THAT,
THEY'RE HILARIOUS.
>> James: LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT A CLIP.
>> I'M A BIG, BIG, BIG FAN OF YOU.
>> GIRL, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
>> CAN I HEAR.
>> ONE OF MY SONGS IS COME AND GET YOUR BABY DADDY.
>> TIFFANY, ONE QUESTION, DO YOU KNOW-- .
>> ANOTHER ONE OF MY SONGS IS OOH MY WIG IS TIGHT AND I'M
LOOKING RIGHT, YOU HEARD THAT ONE?
I LOVE, LOVE WIGS.