I wasn't afraid cause I knew this was something that I
Really wanted and I'd rather be dead than, than not have
Went through my transition.
Every transgender person's journey is unique. They face
Many challenges along the way. It may take them a lifetime
To fully transition.
Six, seven years old, little boy. Praying and crying to God
Like take this away from me. I don't want to be this way.
At one point, I thought I had to settle for being a certain
Way. But my soul felt different.
When did you realize that you wanted to have surgery?
I started my transition my senior year of high school.
I started when I was 19. I had just turned 19.
I knew I wanted to get surgery to you know, you know
Perfect my look or get to a certain point. I had an image
In my head and I went for it I'm achieving it.
How did it feel when you transitioned?
I was just happy. I was just extremely happy. Three days
Later I was like outside in the club, like still bandaged.
I was like ahh, I wanted to show the world. I was like oh...
When you first start transitioning, you kind of feel alone
You know you kind of feel attacked and you know my teacher
They were just like well on the roster, it stays this.
Obviously when you first start to transition, you have a
New name. You expect people follow to through with calling
You that name and sometimes what will happen is they'll
Slip up. Nothing wrong with that but when they purposely
Try you know call you by your birth given name, you're in a
Very difficult position. So what I started doing, I would
Just ignore them until they, they got it right.
What was the most difficult adjustment to your new
Identity?
I'm so freaked out that one day I'm going to go to the
Doctor and they're going to be like Ok Carmen something's
Really fucked up and I don't know what's going to happen
Because there's so much, there's so much missing knowledge
When it comes to trans people like there isn't enough
Information out there to say you're going to live, it's
Guaranteed you're going to a long, amazing life.
I walked into the girl's bathroom and they were like what
Are you doing in here? Like what are you doing here? They
Kind of spoke to the principle and the principle, he was
Like you know what your assigned birth is not you know you
Can't go into the girl's bathroom.
There've been times that I've actually got aggressive with
Some of my friends cause they'll sit here and try to tell
Me like how to be you know I guess like a lady or how to
Dress and how to... no. I'm, I'm Marisol. Mariso- Marisol's
Going to do what Marisol wants to do. Cause I'm me at the
End of the day.
How has being trans affected your dating life?
A lot of guys don't know. They don't know. They'll buy me a
Drink and then like they'll kind of like claim me and I'm
Like theirs for the rest of the night. Sometimes I, I know
That I want to be honest but that's got me in trouble like
Where I can tell the first guy that comes up to me. You
Know I'm so happy they'll, they have come up to me to hit
On me and like I'll tell them listen I'm trans, are you OK
With that? And that'll kind of screw up the rest of the
Night because guys want to use you just to be like oh let
Me go send my boy to go hit on her to see if he likes her
And then you know if he falls for it then I can make fun of
Him.
I hate going through that because it's like the most nerve-
Wrecking experience every single time you go through that
With a different or new person like you know it's either
They're no longer going to want to speak to you or if they
Continue speaking to you, it automatically becomes let's do
It. You know like let's have sex. So I've been through that
Where guys will be like oh you know I'm down, when are we
Gonna chill? And we all know what chill means. You know,
Hit it and quit it. Pipe and dip. Whatever you want to call
It. You know? Netflix and chill.
So I met up with this guy, whatever, and he threatened to,
To stab me so that kind like scared me. I just got out the
Car. I'm like really like nonchalantly. And like I was like
OK this is not my scene. I don't want to die.
How has your perspective on life changed?
Before my transition, it was always the façade like this
Fake kind of like thing going on. Now that I have gone
Through my transition, it's a little bit more fun, my life,
And it's a little bit more easy to express myself without
Judging myself. I can actually get close to people and I
Can understand you know relationships and friendships and
Love every moment of it.
People just need to know that we're human you know like we
Feel. We're just like you, our lives are just different.
But we're all the same.