-Hey, Pink!
Have you ever met my sister?
-Happy birthday.
-Thanks.
I just wish Blue was here.
-Whatever, bitch.
Boys are overrated.
-Ahh!
-What the fuck is that?
-Wow!
This party's crazy.
Oh, my boobs!
[gasps]
-Ah!
Huh.
Blue?
What's going on?
-Sorry I'm late.
It's a long story.
-Just like my dick!
-Really, Red?
-(ASIAN ACCENT) Ocho Muerte, go back from whence you came.
[evil laughter]
-You can't kill the Tachigami that easily!
-(ASIAN ACCENT) Father Sun, you are Ocho Muerte, too?
-When you defeated me, I threw up your wife for eternity!
A Tachigami could never marry a geisha!
-(ASIAN ACCENT) But Father Sun, I loved her!
-Then how about a reunion?
-(ASIAN ACCENT) Boys, it's up to you now.
[gasps]
-(ASIAN ACCENT) Oh, oh, no!
No!
-No!
Papa Sun!
-Ahh!
Blue, help!
-Pink!
-Dude, the sword!
-Ahh!
[grunts]
-Cartwheel, dude!
-Blue!
-Ahh!
-Ow!
Uh!
Ahh!
-Ahh!
-Blue!
-Ahh!
-No!
-D- du- dude!
It's slipping!
You can't pull me up with just one arm!
-But I'll drop the sword!
-Do it or you'll drop me!
-Sorry, dude.
-What?
No!
Red!
Did you just imagine dropping me?
-Maybe.
Ah, fuck it.
-Red!
Stop imaging ways to kill me and pull me up!
-Nah.
-Ahh!
I thought we were actually friends this time.
-We are.
[coughing]
-Holy shit.
Are you okay?
-No way.
-You?
-Nah.
Hey, man.
I'm sorry I've been such an asshole.
I've, uh, never really had a friend before.
-Really?
-Yeah.
-It's all good, man.
Just stop pooping in my bed, okay.
-I never pooped in your bed.
-I've been pooping in my sleep?
-Naw, I'm just messing with you.
I poop in your bed, but I won't anymore.
[moaning]
-Papa Sun?
Papa Sun!
-Raccoon, that you?
[coughing]
-Raccoon.
[moaning]
-(ASIAN ACCENT) I'm alive.
-Whoa.
We thought you were super dead.
-Seriously.
-(ASIAN ACCENT) Not yet.
[coughing]
-Momma Sun?
[coughing]
-(ASIAN ACCENT) Papa Sun.
Oh.
-(ASIAN ACCENT) I thought I lost you forever.
-(ASIAN ACCENT) No, my love.
Only for 10,000 years.
-(ASIAN ACCENT) I will never lose you again.
-That's your wife?
-(ASIAN ACCENT) Yes.
I could not face my son after destroying Japan and I feared
the sword was lost forever.
Thanks to your bravery, it has been reconstructed and I could
now finally save my wife.
-Wait.
So this whole time we wereactually risking
our necks for you?
-We got tricked!
-(ASIAN ACCENT) I did trickyou into finding
the sword for me.
But what you found for yourselfwas friendship.
-That's true.
-Lame!
Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
-Ah.
Pink.
-Blue!
-Pink!
-I was so worried about you.
I thought you were dead.
-You know I'd never miss your birthday party.
-(ASIAN ACCENT) Young lovers, this sacred lotus flower has
kept our love strong for 10,000 years.
May it do the same for you.
-Nintendo.
-Blue, it's beautiful.
-I told you I'd get you something special.
-I love you.
-Huh.
I love you too.
-I got a boner!
-Good one.
-Dude, aren't you glad you went on this quest?
-Yeah, man.
I told you I wasn't pussy.
-Pssh.
I always knew we could pull it off.
-Really?
-Well yeah, cuz we're awesome!
THEME SONG: Oh my fucking god!
That shit was totally amazing!
Your brain can not even comprehend.
So much hand shooting excitement.
For the sake of your couch, I hope you're wearing Depends.
We learned so many things together.
Japan is weird and French people slime.
This film had 10 scenes of action and everyone together
said fuck 21 times.
Yeah!
Dick Figures!
You just watched a whole fucking movie of Dick Figures!
Dick Figures!
Bow before them and renounce your creepiest god.
Dick Figures!
Someone get a doctor because this movie's
fucking totally sick!
You asked them, they delivered!
If you don't like Dick Figures it's not hard to figure out
you're a dick.
I counted 10 fucking explosions and jet-packed
demon ninjas that rocked your face.
Your life was a hot pile of garbage.
Now you're so excited that you're nutting
all over the place!
One of those explosions was an octopus.
Sorry for the spoiler, but it's your fault.
That'll teach you to listen to the sound track before you
watch the movie.
-I mean, for god's sake who does that?
You stupid piece of--
THEME SONG: Dick Figures!
Dick Figures!
Saved the world, what do you think about Dick Figures!
Dick Figures!
You just watched it.
You're lazy and fat.
Dick Figures!
You love them with all of your stupid heart and also
part of your junk.
You asked them, they delivered.
A movie so great it made your junk explode.
Whoops.
Our bad.
Sorry about your junk.
Just kidding!
Fuck you!
Dick Figures.
-That shit was crazy!
Yeah.