- This year you want to travel by yourself.
- But you're in a relationship.
- And while there are many reasons
that are so great to travel with a partner,
there are just as many reasons to go
on a solo journey in your lifetime.
- We have done a lot of solo trips.
We've done a lot of couple trips
and telling your partner that you want to travel solo
can be an awkward conversation,
but in this video, we're going to show you
how you can have that conversation in a respectful way.
(upbeat music)
- Here are the benefits of traveling without your partner.
- Number one, learn more about yourself and your wants.
You get to pick your own restaurants.
You get to pick your own hotels.
You make your own itinerary.
Everything you want to do is your choice.
You'll be surprised just how often you rely
on other people to make decisions for you,
where you're gonna eat, where you're gonna stay,
what you're gonna do, how you're gonna have fun,
the games you're gonna play,
the conversations you're gonna have
kinda depend on other people
but when you're going solo, it's all up to you.
- Number two, be on your own schedule.
Leave when you want, wake up when you want,
go wherever you want.
You don't have to answer to anyone.
You don't have to ask anyone
if they feel like doing something.
It's just, it's all about you.
- Number three, get away from everything and everyone.
It is entirely about you.
You don't have to clean up after anyone.
You don't have to talk to anyone
if you don't want to and it's not awkward.
Everything is just about you.
You are entirely responsible for yourself
and nobody else.
- Four, learn more about things that you really love.
Say when you travel, you are so into history
but your partner isn't.
Well, if you're traveling alone,
you can take in all the history that you want
and you don't have to worry about
what other people think, what your partner thinks,
because it's just you.
- Number five, you're gonna make a lot more friends
when you're traveling alone.
When you're traveling with a partner
and you go to a restaurant,
you're sitting next to them.
When you're on a bus, you're gonna sit next to your partner.
You're always gonna be with your partner.
When you're going solo, you open that seat up next to you
for a new friend to come in.
It strikes up new conversation.
You're gonna have to meet people on the road.
So when you're going solo,
you make a lot more friends.
- Number six, soak up all the experience for yourself
and feel empowered.
When you travel alone, you get to really be present
and not be concerned about anybody else
when you are experiencing something.
You're just soaking it all up for yourself
and the fact that you are traveling alone,
that's pretty kickass.
That's so badass and you can feel so much power in that.
- It's time for you guys to have that tough conversation
and the best way to learn is by example.
- So here are some scenarios to help with this conversation.
- Telling your partner.
- You want to use the right words.
It's very important that you choose your words wisely
because you are taking what could potentially
be a conversation that has a lot of tension
and making it a lot easier.
For example, don't do this.
- Hey, so I'm going to India without you.
- What?
- Instead, say something less harsh.
Hey Babe. - Hey.
- Can we talk for a sec?
- Sure, yeah.
- Um, you know I've mentioned a couple,
actually, more than a couple times
that I want to go to India.
- Yeah.
- I really want to go.
From here, this could go one of two ways.
Either your partner is completely against the idea.
- Why?
There's like a billion people there.
Do you even know how to get around?
- Or your partner is overly excited for the idea.
- That's amazing!
I've always wanted to go to India.
I have vacation days I can take off.
This is gonna be great.
- What you really want your partner to say is,
yeah, I know you've really wanted to go to India
for so long.
You've been talking about it since we started dating.
I think this is amazing.
Don't worry, like, you should go.
I'll take care of everything.
You need this.
- I was just gonna say,
it's something I really want for myself
and that makes me so happy
that you would just come out and say that.
Like you knew that this is something I want for me.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
I love you so much.
- I love you too, Babe.
You're gonna have a great time.
- Thank you.
- However, the odds may not always be in your favor.
Don't get into a heated debate over this
because it can hurt your relationship
and hurt your trip.
- Hey Babe.
- Hey.
- Um, can I talk to you for a sec?
- Yeah.
- You know I've been saying over the years
I really want to go to India.
- Okay.
- I want to do it.
And I really think it's important to me
to do it by myself.
- Why would you want to go then?
I thought it was joke when you really wanted to go.
Isn't it dirty and overpopulated
and there's cows all over the place?
- Why you being so unsupportive?
I never say anything to you when you go off
on your guys trip and you're saying these things
about a country you don't even know about.
And you know I've been so passionate about it.
- Just go.
It seems like you planned this without me
so just go.
- I don't even want to go anymore.
- We really want to avoid conversations like this.
It can get out of hand, really fast.
If you want to ease the tension,
address your partner's concerns.
Repeat them back to them.
Let them know they've been heard.
Respect that they have concerns for you.
They just want you to be safe.
But also remind them why this is important to you
and important to your relationship.
- Do you even know how to get around?
What if you get lost?
- I understand how you're feeling
and that you might be nervous for me
and it's because you love me, I understand,
but I've been doing a lot of research
and I've been talking to other people who've gone
and I know places to avoid
and places where it's safe
and I've been dreaming about seeing the Taj Mahal
for years and it's something I'm really excited about.
I'm learning how to do it properly
and I don't want you to worry about me.
I'm gonna be fine.
And I'll be calling you, keep up-to-date.
Yeah, I'm really excited about this.
- Okay.
I understand, that makes sense.
It seems like you've done research
and yeah, I want to be supportive.
I'll be supportive.
How long you going for?
Key factor here, give an end date to your trip.
Don't say,
- I don't know.
I'm just gonna book a one way ticket
and see what happens, whatever.
Go with the flow.
- This will definitely strike anxiety in your partner.
You basically just said, hey, I'm gonna be gone
for as long as I want but stick around
for when I show up again.
Instead, pick a length of time for your trip.
So how long you gonna be gone for?
- I was thinking four weeks
because it'll give me time to really see everything
that I want to
and possibly staying an extra week to go to Nepal
because I heard it's so amazing there.
- Having an end date allows your partner
to know how much time you're gonna be spending apart.
Leaving your trip open ended isn't really fair
for your partner or for your relationship.
And if you're wanting to go away
for a long extended period of time,
you can discuss the options,
such as maybe your partner can come and join you
for a couple of weeks, halfway into your trip.
Another idea I had is while I'm in India
on my own solo trip,
you can do your own solo trip if
that's something you want to do.
But you have said you wanted to go to Egypt
so either way, we could meet up in Egypt
after spending the four weeks in India
and you spending, whatever, four weeks somewhere else,
we can do Egypt together
and then I can go and finish off and do Nepal for a week
and you can do somewhere else for a week
or whatever you want.
- Yeah, that actually sounds pretty good.
- Yeah.
If you're leaving for, say, a month,
that can seem like an eternity for your partner,
especially if you've been spending months
or years leading up to this point every day together.
And even though you've gone through this conversation
in your head several times,
your partner's hearing about this,
I want to go on a solo trip, for the first time
so don't expect them to be super enthusiastic about the idea
right off hand
but be open to conversation
and understanding your partner's side of the situation.
The number one tip Siya and I have
for any relationship,
and this is based on our 14 years going strong,
is good communication is key.
- Nowadays, there are a ton of ways
to stay connected with your partner.
You can email, you can Snapchat, you can Instagram,
you can Facebook, you can video chat,
you can Skype, you can call.
You're gonna stay well connected.
But if you want, remember,
don't just keep calling your partner
every time you're at a beach,
every time you're at somewhere beautiful.
Don't keep updating them because you want to leave
some mystery for when you guys are back together again.
Sometimes Kristen and I will go a week
or a couple weeks without talking to each other
because we're having our own experiences
and if you have chosen to embark on this adventure,
don't just keep calling and talking to your partner
because they need it.
Make sure you also spend time to yourself
to self-reflect, to have experiences by yourself
and that will make for a much more enjoyable, solo trip.
- Having a solo trip is something
that I highly recommend every single person do
in their lifetime because it really allows you
to learn more about yourself,
things that you can learn about when you're just at home,
doing the normal stuff that you do on a daily basis.
- And remember, if you are supporting your partner
to go on this solo adventure,
you might want to go on your own solo adventure
in a year from now, in two years, in 10 years from now
and you want to receive that same support
so make sure that you're respecting
their wishes the way you want your wishes respected.
- And showing support for your partner
is super sexy and totally brings your relationship
to another level.
That's what it's done for us over the years.
We've done a lot of solo travel.
As a couple, we've been together for 14 years
and we've done a lot of travel by ourselves
and having that support for one another
and understanding has just made us fall in love
with each other even more.
- Yeah, and remember that when your partner comes home
from their trip, they've changed a little bit.
They've learned new things, they've met new people.
They've had different experiences
which just adds spark to your relationship
but it might not feel normal right at the beginning.
Give them time, give them space.
And I promise you it will strengthen your relationship.
- Yeah, don't take it personally
if they're a little bit off, in a way,
because they just went through something
that is new and life changing.
So, give it to them and be open to listen
to what they have to say
and show your support, once again.
- Yeah, we are big advocates for everyone
to go out and travel the world,
no matter if you're in a relationship or not.
If you're in a longterm relationship
and it's difficult to have that conversation,
hopefully this video really helped you guys out.
- Yeah, leave your comments below
if you have any other questions for us.
Let us know.