Transcriber: ximena espinosa Reviewer: Vy Dinh
(Music)
What is your biggest secret?
Something about yourself you don’t want anyone to know.
If I asked you this question, would you tell it or would you hide it?
I guess you would hide it, right? Because otherwise it wouldn’t be a secret.
Two years ago, I was on a first date with a really nice guy.
We had a great evening.
We talked. We had some drinks.
And then he asked me this very same question:
“Sophie, what is your biggest secret?”
“I don’t have one”, I said.
To which he responded: “But what’s wrong with your leg?”
I felt caught. I really did.
But at the same time, I thought:
“Well, that’s no secret at all.”
Until he told me that every time
when he tried to put his hand on my left leg,
I pushed his hand away.
That moment made me stop and think
because I realized that, in fact, I did have a secret.
I was born with a growth defect in my left upper leg and hip.
This defect was progressive,
and so my leg difference became bigger and bigger the older I got.
Therefore, as of now, I have an upper-leg difference of 25 centimeters.
So from the moment I started to walk, I needed a prosthetic leg.
As a child, I was completely used to my disability.
In fact, I was pretty handy with it.
I was climbing trees and jumping rope,
and my parents really understood
the importance of treating me just like any other kid.
They encouraged me to have no fears, to participate with no limits,
and just to try it unless it really didn’t work.
So I didn’t run fast enough for hockey or football, for example,
but I was OK with that.
I was more into creative stuff anyway.
But from my teenage years, this was changing.
Like teenagers do, you start to compare yourself with others
and you like to look the same.
Teenagers who are different stand out.
And that's exactly what I didn't want.
I always wanted to look as normal as possible,
and I didn’t want to be the girl with that leg.
My prosthetic leg had to look, as much as possible, like a realistic leg
with the same skin tone and the same leg shape.
Without realizing, this is the moment where I started to create a secret.
During my student years, this need to fit in did not change.
It was even getting worse.
I was studying in a new city,
so it was a total new environment for me with new friends.
And so everybody close to me knew of my disability.
But I was partying, studying, dancing and having a great time.
And although I wasn't walking well,
the prosthetic look was still more important for me than the comfort.
And so a couple of years ago,
I came across this revolutionary man named Frank Hill,
who had an article in a Dutch newspaper.
He is the prosthetic leg maker for the Dutch Paralympic team,
and particularly his vision about prosthetic legs and disabilities
appealed to me.
His primary goal is optimal walking.
After that, he thinks along with what his clients really want out of life.
A trip around the world visiting festivals or becoming a high-level athlete.
So after reading that, I contacted him straight away.
And so at the first consults, he immediately said to me:
“Sophie, I’m going to be really straight with you.
The kind of prosthetic leg you have right now,
I’m not going to copy that.
Let’s put that one in a 19th century museum.
It’s way too old and made of old fashioned materials,
and therefore, you can’t walk without pain.”
And I had to admit he was right.
I was a young, energetic woman, 27 years old,
and I couldn’t walk for more than a hundred meters without having pain.
Also, my prosthetic leg had to look, as much as possible, like realistic legs.
So that was so, so important.
So we got into a sort of discussion and he said:
“Sophie, you can walk way much better and way much cooler.”, he said.
And I got angry.
I didn't want anything cool.
I just wanted to have two normal legs that looked as normal as possible.
And so we got into a sort of discussion and he said: “You know what?
Let’s make a deal.”
He said: “Let’s just do it.
I will make a test prosthetic leg for you to let you feel how it walks.
You will not like how it looks, but we’ll talk about that later.”
He promised me with this new prosthetic leg,
I would be able to walk way much better and way much longer.
Also, because it was made of the newest materials,
like carbon and titanium, and therefore much lighter in weight.
But still, Sophie wasn’t fully convinced.
And so a couple of weeks later, I was back at his office,
and when I saw the test prosthetic leg for the first time, I was in shock.
I thought, “Now I am really fully disabled and different,
and everybody can see it.”
Terrible!
And then he said to me: “You don’t like how it looks, do you?”
And I was like: “No shit.”
“But as we said before it’s first about walking.
Put on a long dress or long pants, nobody will see it.
But just try it out.”
And I had to admit again, he was right.
The moment I took on this new leg, it fitted perfectly.
It was so much lighter.
It felt like I was walking on clouds.
So I went home to try it.
But then surprise, surprise,
the weather changed completely that week.
It became bloody hot, like 30 degrees.
So I was forced to wear a dress.
And there I was, in front of my mirror, doubting on what I should do.
I felt so naked, so fully disabled,
so scared of what other people would think or how they would stare.
And then I thought: “You know what?
I’m going to walk a block to the supermarket
just to see how it feels.
And if I still don’t like it, I can wear long pants anyway.”
And so I did.
I put on a dress and I walked outside.
And the more steps I took during my walk on my clouds,
the less naked and disabled I felt.
The unexpected happened.
Because the more revealing and non-covering my new prosthetic leg was
the more confident and secure I felt inside.
I discovered that having a non-covering prosthetic leg
was helping me with accepting myself and my disability.
I found out that my old prosthetic leg was covering my acceptance.
Covering and hiding is what I did for 28 years.
I looked around on Instagram
to see how other young people with a prosthetic leg were handling this,
and I thought: “Finally, finally people who are also different like me!”
And then I came across Paola Antonini,
a Brazilian model who lost her leg in a car accident,
and since then, made out of her prosthetic leg her trademark.
One day, she wears a yellow cover. One day one with glitter.
And when I saw that, I thought: “I want that as well.” And so I did.
My idea of beauty and self-identity slowly started to change.
Discovering this paradox and accepting this reality,
I felt ten times more myself.
I also started things I never did before,
and I was talking much more openly about my difference.
I was much more open about it to others.
I let my prosthetic leg be more seen in public.
But I also started doing CrossFit.
I started kickboxing.
I was wearing more dresses and skirts.
I was wearing heels.
But I also noticed that people around me were acting differently.
People at work, festivals, immediately came to me and asked me questions.
Totally different than before.
It was a breakthrough.
In fact, my disability, my difference became my power
and I was finally owning all parts of myself
without having a secret.
You see? Even if you have two complete legs to stand on in life,
we all have some differences.
My difference is visible, but you have to imagine
that there are so many other differences
that are not visible from the outside.
Like people with ADHD, depression, anxiety.
The current beauty standard is changing.
But believe me, we are not there yet.
It’s still a standard without many differences.
Because why do we still see a lot of models who are photoshopped?
Why do we still see mostly white, tall, skinny models on runways or magazines?
And can you think of a famous Hollywood actor or actress who looks like me?
From a young age, we are taught to fit and adapt
in those beauty standards.
And this is creating the lead to cover or hide those differences.
But if we keep on covering and if we keep on hiding,
we keep the cycle alive.
And don’t forget,
if you don’t accept those differences in yourself,
how can you accept those in others?
Bottom line here, if you don’t have a secret,
then you don't have to hide anything.
Then you can be more open about yourself, your difference to the outside world.
It’s literally about coming forward openly
about who you are and what you look like.
Owning your identity.
And that my friends, that exactly gives you power.
And that’s why I want to encourage you all to do the same.
Show your differences instead of covering them.
Make it your power,
because together we can change the current beauty standards.
So the last guy I dated a couple of months ago
looked at me and said a really funny thing.
He said: “Maybe it’s weird to say,
but I think it’s kind of sexy.”
And I asked him why.
“Because you’re so different, it makes you powerful and strong.”
I never expected it, but it happened.
My biggest secret became my biggest power.
Thank you.