Player Takes Joke DnD Campaign Too Seriously & Ridicules Everyone
Recently, I reconnected with my ex, who we’ll call Chloe, whom we would constantly play
WTA / VTM together, until we had a mutual breakup a while ago.
After going our separate ways and kinda drifting apart, I got a text from her asking if I wanted
to join her D&D group, as she needed another player.
I joined, and there’s four other players.
You have three regular people, playing human, variant human, and a Changeling, but one of
them kinda took the spotlight and shone it on themselves the entire session zero.
The player, Viagra of Stiffwood, was just being completely extra.
The entire time, he cut off others while they were creating / explaining their characters,
trying to inject how his character would’ve done such and such when explaining backstories,
or how he’d always have a comment or critique being piped up every few seconds.
He would make comments such as, “your guy’s characters are pretty generic, just wait until
you hear about mine,”
“you shouldn’t play a rogue because I’m gonna multi class into one,”
“playing a human is kinda blind, you should probably change your race.”
ETC, ETC.
One other player and I had to tell him multiple times to shut up, as he was very obviously
kind of being a dick.
He was second to last to describe his character, asking the DM a bunch of ridiculous questions
and asking if she could homebrew a race for him, as he wanted to play a half Elf, half
tiefling, and nitpick all the buffs from both classes, attempting to get the 4 hour long
rest, infernal resistance, and both subrace bonuses which I can’t exactly remember.
He asked if he could have a Double-Bladed scimitar to start off with, and when declined,
for somewhat obvious reasons, he told Chloe, “I’ll just dual-wield two scimitars and
take the dual wielding fighting style and flavor it to be double bladed.”
She agreed, however, obviously annoyed.
He spent a solid 15 minutes talking about his character, literally reading a script
he wrote down on either google docs or discord, and constantly asked the DM about locations
he would have come from, been, etc etc.
He then showed us his character which he made in Skyrim, and to his credit, was definitely
well made and took serious time and effort.
When it came time to present my character, I introduced Sir Loin, a Firbolg Paladin on
a conquest to bring down the beef industry and liberate his brethren.
Viagra spoke up, cutting me off as I start explaining why he joined the party, simply
to go on a small tangent, asking if I was stupid and why I’d want to play a character
like that, and to take the game seriously because, “the DM worked hard to provide
this experience, so take it seriously.”
Chloe muted herself, and later told me she was laughing her ass off, because I already
knew that this campaign wasn’t going to be too serious, as the name of the campaign
was a literal penis joke that seemed to go over his head.
(The Chronicle of the Sorcerer's Crystal Phallus) Everyone else was joking around for the rest
of session zero, except for Viagra, who kinda just stayed quiet, only speaking up to mention
his character every so often, and getting little to no response.
A few days later, I got a DM from him, a decently sized wall of text, listing off complaints
about literally everything, ranging from my character, to even me as a person.
He pretty much told me that he didn’t want to play with someone like me, and, “neither
did the rest of the party,” so it would just be best for me to leave so they can enjoy
the campaign, and how it would be better if I never joined in the first place.
I pretty much gave him about a paragraph about how it's not his choice in the matter, and
how he kinda has a stick in his ass for taking it too seriously, and that my character was
absolutely perfect with zero flaws whatsoever.
About an hour later, Chloe asks me to hop onto a call, I join, and she starts doing
that thing where she’s giggling and telling me to, “hear this crap out.”
He basically sent her the exact same thing he sent me, but changed some words around
so it made sense, asking her to essentially either talk to me, or shadow-ban me.
She basically tells him to be mindful of himself, and that they’re not going to have this
discussion and how he needs to get along with me.
(She also told me to be careful and stay on my toes, as I was somewhat provoking him.)
The biggest kicker was him offering to cashapp her 20 dollars just to get rid of me.
Session one rolls around, and once more, he cuts everyone else off, tries to go first
in everything, and constantly asks, “would I be able to see / hear / make my way over
while (X) is doing (Y)?”
Just so they could get more time as the main character.
Their character, a female warlock, constantly cut off characters mid-sentence and humble-bragged
about their powers.
Normally this isn't a problem, but this was after literally everything someone said.
“Oh, you’re a Changeling?
I can just cast disguise self on myself,”
“Honestly, your swordsmanship probably isn’t that good, you probably couldn’t even use
a double-bladed scimitar like me.”
Viagra had also dumped strength and con, raising all other stats, which will be kind of important
later, as when stopped at a bandit / warlord checkpoint / shakedown, the guys pretty much
just said to pay the fee of 5 gold each and we could be on our way no problem.
Viagra, escalating the situation, claims that he could destroy the entire checkpoint, using
both magic and their double-bladed scimitar.
(The weird thing about it was they were hell bent on using the actual Double-Bladed scimitar
stat block, which doesn’t work with Hexblade’s curse due to the two-handed properties, and
never took the dual wielding fighting style either.)
After asking the DM to roll an intimidation check and failing, the party was now on the
verge of combat.
The Changeling essentially tells them they don’t want a fight, and how he’d pay for
him, yet Viagra basically goes, “No, I’m not going to let you walk over me,” and
suddenly goes for an attack.
I’ll be honest, I was surprised since he managed to kill the first guy in one round,
and asked to roll another intimidation check.
After being denied, and everyone rolling imitative, the rest of the party chose to not get involved,
opting to back up since our variant Human rogue with alert went first just said we weren’t
getting involved.
Viagra was pissed that we refused to help, and got to attack another guy since the bandits
rolled decently low.
Missing the first attack, and not being able to add the damage modifier to the second attack,
the bandit survived, and two guys attacked him.
He uses shield, but one bandit crits after flanking him, and the other hits after rolling
a 21.
When Chloe says that he’s been killed from the total damage, there was an audible slam
noise on his end, and a quick mute.
(He stayed muted for the rest of the game.)
After that, the bandits loot his corpse, and say that we can be on our way, and we make
it to the next town over, ending the session there.
Seconds after it ends, Viagra leaves the call, and writes a rant in the general chat about
how he was, “targeted, and you guys didn’t step in to help me when I needed it.”
He claimed we were an awful group and bad to play with, and he flat out left the server.
Me and Chloe stalked his Reddit account for a few days after to see if he posted anything
about the situation, and read a comment he posted on an LFG post that just about went,
“Yeah, I’d love to join!
I’m a really good RPer and put a lot of thoughts into my characters, and really fun
to be around!
My last group kicked me out because they were kind of jealous of my character, because I
actually put time and effort into it.”
My absolute favorite part of this story is that the person posted “Yeah, I’d love
to join!
I’m a really good RPer and put a lot of thoughts into my characters, and really fun
to be around!
My last group kicked me out because they were kind of jealous of my character, because I
actually put time and effort into it.”
How completely out of touch can this person possibly be?
If they were indeed a really fun person to be around then they probably would have gotten
along better with his previous group.
And I can’t think of a single instance where I’ve ever been jealous of someone else's
character.
I love and appreciate a good background for a character silly or not.
In fact I think it is imperative to have a good backstory and be involved in the game
but if its a silly game…get silly with it.
This is what happens when a player takes a joke campaign too seriously and loses their
mind.
Just another case of people not playing the game they want to play and getting upset with
other people because of…reasons.
Did anyone else get the impression that fun guy may have also had a thing for the DM?
How can you possibly take a game super serious if someone in your group is named Sir Loin?
Some people just want to have fun, let them have fun.
Tell us about your silly campaign after listening to this player having a meltdown and trying
to ruin everyone else’s good time.
Please let us know what you think and comment below!
Don’t forget to subscribe to our channel, All Things DnD.
Stay tuned for more amazing Dungeons & Dragons content!