[Zoom/Focus noise]
Okay…
Why am I so nervous
Ahhh okay…
What’s up guys! It’s Jeffrey
How’s everybody doing?
So eum…
Welcome back to my room
I have my little camera here
on top of a stack of books and
a box of chocolate [Awkward laugh]
So It’s been a while since I’ve been on here and uploaded a video and
Today, I just wanted to sit down
and chat with you guys and let you know
what I’ve been doing in the past year
What’s been going on. Why I left…
So earlier this year I uploaded a video
called my "Draw My Life"
in which I told you guys my life story
and when I uploaded that video
I knew that…
I was going to take a step back from YouTube
and that it could
probably be my last video
Initially, I decided to not tell you guys that because
I didn’t want you to be sad
and I didn’t want you to not enjoy the video
just because of that
So I never told you guys this
Maybe cause of my ego but
while I was writing the script for that video and
tried to tell my story as best as I could
everytime I wrote a new paragraph
I would tear up…
And even when I uploaded the video
I probably cried over a dozen of times
just rewatching it and
I realized why…
Eum… So I’ve always been the harshest person to myself
I either set my standards
way too high or I always thought
I wasn’t good enough
It’s not necessarily a bad thing
It’s just I think for me, I did it in an unhealthy way
And you know what? I think It’s something that a lot of people struggle with
So while I was doing my "Draw My Life",
Writing it, editing or even rewatching it
I realized that I should really just be proud of myself for
all the accomplishments I’ve done at such a young age but…
I wasn’t…
I wasn’t proud of myself…
Eum…
I realized the reason why I was emotional was because
there was one aspect in my life that
I wasn’t really being honest with myself yet
So the truth is, growing up, I always wanted to be a performer
I always wanted to sing and dance in front of crowds
But I just…
I… I never found the confidence
I was just too scared and couldn’t find the courage to ever do it
I too often would hear people say
It’s an unrealistic dream
And uh
Maybe the lack of representation in the media didn’t help also but
Nonetheless, I still never even tried to pursue it
And yeah, I saw that while I was watching my "Draw My Life"
I kept saying:
“Something is missing…
Like something is missing in my story…”
So behind the scene, every year, for the past
5 years I would say, there would always
be a moment or period that I would be
sad or mad at myself
almost depressed because
internally, I wanted to
pursue music so badly but I still
couldn’t find the courage or I didn’t even know how to start
So last year, in 2016,
I decided to give myself a challenge
I said, in almost all of my videos,
I’m going to force myself to either include
singing or dancing and
and show people that I can do it
and that it was time to face my fear
So that’s what I did
Everytime I could include singing or dancing,
I would!
And surprisingly,
That’s what made me find new video ideas and
made me even more excited to film them
[Flashback]
Hah…
So here’s the weird thing
Uh…
That would happen
Those scenes were what felt like what you guys also enjoyed the most but…
everytime you posted positive comments….
It… would break my heart
Because EVERYTIME, I ask myself:
“Why am I so scared to try doing music when
everybody seems so supportive?
Who lied to me and convinced me that I can’t?”
It’s almost like I thought, as long as I say It’s a hobby,
I’ll be fine
because if I take it too seriously, people will start
judging me and criticizing me and
say that I’m not good enough
Which I already… Believed… So…
I didn’t want to face that
So here’s what finally gave me the courage to tell myself
I’m going to go for it
2 years ago in 2015,
I made a pretty heartfelt video called: "Aiming Too High"
in which I was going through some stuff
and kind of the same similar self doubt season
In it, I said
I wish I had a role model
that went through what I was going through
to tell me that everything would be alright
but at the time, I didn’t have that role model
So fast forward a few years,
I rewatched the video and I asked myself, I thought
Who would be a good role model for
that “Younger Jeffrey”?
and as I thought about it, I realized that
The person was… ME
I was the only person that I knew that went through EXACTLY
what he went through and years later,
I was alright…
and If I could I…
I wish I could’ve told him
Eum…
to not be that sad
and it would be alright
So thinking about that scenario
I thought, what advice
would I want an older, more successful me,
to tell me if
I didn’t want to go through another one of those moments
and after thinking for a few minutes
I figured I would want him to tell me to
Go for my dreams, Right now
and to not let fear be the reason why I don’t try in the first place
I’d want him to remind me that I only have one life
And there’s a lot of people that look up to me
And so, I should start now and… own it
Woops, battery died… See aha I’m not used to this
I forgot to charge my battery
I’m the worst
Anyways, that story was pretty much my wake up call
I want to be the someone that the “Younger Jeffrey”
Or whoever else is going through similar struggles, to look up to
while I continue to strive
towards the older me
that I envision myself to be in the future
And FINALLY…
This leads me to this year…
2017
I took the leap of faith and I told
people that I would pursue music
and in order to catch up on lost time
I would have to put 100% of my effort into this
Which meant that I would have to take a step away from YouTube
I took this year to write music
To travel and meet music people
to learn more about the industry
while I kept practicing my singing
And to be honest…
This year has not been easy
Of course, a lot of people were skeptical
And even though I felt so strongly about this decision…
It’s not conventional…
To step away from so many amazing supporters
But to me, I want to be proud of
whatever I put out there
And that would mean that I needed
And I WANTED to practice and practice
And learn and practice (x3)
So this year, I felt lonely…
Uhhh most of the time…
Eum
It was tough…
But now, at least, my family is really supportive
and our relationship just grew stronger and stronger
And…
I think ultimately that’s what matters the most
Ironically though, everytime I sang or danced in my living room,
I never felt more happy and at peace
And even though I didn’t have any results,
Eum…
I was still enjoying the process that… I was… living my dream
As you may know, this channel, "JeffreyFever",
has always been a place where I wanted to share my stories,
To express myself, to face my insecurities,
To be true to myself and
And without expecting it,
You guys stumbled upon my videos and…
stuck around…
You accepted my insecurities and
even sometimes made them feel cool and
That’s what gave me the extra push to keep going
To keep being okay with who I am and
You also pushed me to want to make better videos and
To become a better artist everytime
So that’s why, this channel,
I want to keep it as that.
I want to keep this channel as a MEMOIR
To remind me who I am as a person and where I came from
A lot of these videos, these stories, were made with you
Through your support and
More importantly, these are stories that
we can keep sharing together
And I don’t want to change that
And so, I decided…
To start a NEW channel
It’s going to be called: "JeffreyChang"
My real name
It’s a place where I’ll share my music
and express myself in a different way
I hope you understand why I’m deciding to
not put music on this channel
And why I need to put 100% of my time & effort into that one
I know this chapter is a little different
And I only hope that you’re not too disappointed
I just think I need to do this for myself
or my own happiness
So that I can one day look back and say
I’m proud that I at least gave it a shot
I dont entirely know how this channel will turn out
I hope you guys keep supporting me
I’ll put the link down below
Maybe go there and drop a comment…
Maybe Subscribe? [Awkward Laugh]
Ah you don’t have to
But yeah, I guess...
I guess this is the last insecurity
I want to share with you guys on here
Let’s just say…
The FEVER is cured?
Or not…
[Silence]
[Sigh]
I hope you never lose that Fever…
Anyways, thank you guys so much for watching
and for your support during all these years
I hope to see you soon
And for the last time one here…
This is JeffreyFever…
And I’m pressing the record button…
Now
Peace
Actually, you know what?
I think there’s one more thing
Dad, you want to say something?
Uh huh
Thank you so much for your support
Oh wait, look here.
Oh…
Thank you so much for your support
Jeffrey and I truly loved you guys
Hope to see you soon!
Alright, thank you
[GUGH]
[Outro Music]