One of the things I love the most about doing Stuff Mom Never Told You is hearing from you,
dear viewers, whom I truly, truly love and appreciate. I love hearing about your thoughts
and opinions and ideas and what's going on in your lives and your concerns. And there's
a particular concern that I hear about on a regular basis from a number of you, worrying
about what to do for friends who are in abusive situations, whether their home lives are abusive
or their relationships are abusive or if they're being abusive to themselves. I wish that I
could help each and everyone of you directly to my fullest extent but unfortunately I can't.
What I can do and what I hope this can provide is a resource with just a few tips on how
to help a friend who is being abused or if you are in an abusive situation might help
you as well to remember the truth. No one deserves to be abused but everyone deserves
a place of safety and security and love.
What's a good friend to do if they find out a that someone they love or care about is in an abusive situation? Chances are especially if they're
younger we can't exactly storm into their houses and magically fix the cycle of abuse
which is often more complicated than we might think, but there are some pretty basic things
that we can do to establish ourselves as a friend resource and also direct that person
to more professional resources that can help them get out of or at least alleviate that
situation that they're living in. First encourage and help your friend identify a trusted adult
that they can talk about the abuse with. Someone crucially who will believe them. This might
be a teacher or a school counselor or a friend's parent or even a law enforcement officer.
Someone who can offer consolation, validation and even more direct resources like developing
a safety or escape plan. And understand that your friend might not want to directly go
to the police or child protective services because that might feel too much like a betrayal.
Especially in situations of parental abuse your friend is probably still seeking the
love and approval of his or her mom and or dad. So talking to say a teacher or a friend's
parent might feel a lot safer than directly talking to say a police officer. Step two:
Provide validation and support as they work through these traumatic issues. Providing
validation might be as simple as listening to the person, nodding your head, acknowledging
that yes, this is real and this is difficult, that you're going to be there to help them
in whatever way you can. That might also come with some necessary boundaries as well because
this isn't an open invitation for that person to become codependent upon you. Identify the
direct resources that you have and let that be known to your friend and if boundaries
start to get crossed than acknowledge that as well. Tip number three: Help them understand
that they aren't alone. Domestic violence and abuse is something that we rarely talk
about, but it is happening in a lot of households not just in the United States but around the
world so in that sense, statistically, unfortunately they're absolutely not alone. But also let
them know that they are not alone in the sense that hey they've got you, they have these
resources. There are government agencies, non-profit organizations and support groups
specifically set up to help them. No matter where you live, help is available. Tip number
four: Encourage your friend to stay off social media. While it might seem like an entertaining
distraction, social media might actually make them feel even more isolated in their situation.
Social media can also be a tool abusers use to monitor their victim's behaviors and perpetuate
that abuse. If you have additional tips, please, please leave them in the comments below, I
really want this video to become an ongoing resource for anyone to check out at any time
and be able to glean something from it. I will also add links to resources and hotlines
both in the United States and abroad in the description and if you know especially of
international hotlines please comment below. Let's build a resource together so that we
can all make the world collectively a safer place.