Previously on
Rhett tries to help Link
find his phone by looking at...
-Moles. Moles -Moles?
And making some sort of light sandwich.
But all Link finds is Rhett's...
Super special secret super secret special bike.
-Can I ride it? -No.
Because you know where Link's phone is.
-Yeah.
Renowned infomercial queen
-Aimee Brells. -She is me.
So, while Rhett and Link head back to the restaurant...
I remember putting my phone down
-on the counter. -...Aimee hacks in.
-It was one-two-three-four.
That's right!
-(laughing)
-There's a spot right there. -Yep.
Wait. Why don't you back in?
Well, because I don't back in.
Yeah, but then when we're done, we could just zip away.
I mean, it saves time.
There's no hassle. There's no fuss.
There's no nothing.
But you're not really getting rid of the hassle.
You're just moving it to the beginning
of the parking experience.
But that's when you want the hassle--
at the beginning, not the end, after who knows what's happened.
I mean, you could've just had your wisdom teeth removed
and you're delirious, or, uh, you could've
started a brawl in there and there's an angry mob
chasing you out of the building and across the parking lot.
"Time-out, Mr. Mob. I need a few minutes
to do a reverse three-point turn."
When I'm parking, I'm focused on the task at hand--
in this case, going back
in that restaurant and getting your phone.
I don't want to deal with the hassle of backing in.
Well, okay, fine. You're the driver.
That's right-- I am the driver.
I still shouldn't have backed in.
♪♪
RHETT: It's barely noticeable.
I notice it. It's right there.
Well, that's 'cause you know exactly where to look.
Close your eyes.
One. Two.
Three. Okay.
It's right there.
Listen, the person who owns this car
is never gonna know about this.
Well, just because somebody doesn't know about it
doesn't make it okay that you did it.
Does it?
(sighs)
Hello.
My name is Rhett,
and I just put an almost imperceptible dent
in a navy 1995 Mercedes-Benz.
Sorry.
(spits)
You ding, I ding.
What?
What'd you do?
Ding?
You ding, I ding.
I ding, you ding?
We ding.
Okay, I think I understand, but...
I'm not sure that's the best way to handle this, because...
my ding's not the only ding on your door.
I'm not concerned with other people's dings.
I'm concerned with your ding.
-My ding? -Your ding.
(sighs)
Okay. I guess I don't mind,
as long as the dings match.
Dings must match.
(grunts)
Uh, I think your ding is bigger than his ding.
-You think so? -Yeah.
♪♪
I ding, you ding.
(grunts)
(grunting)
(yells)
I think we're even.
Now we are even.
(man laughs)
(all laughing)
Come on, fellas. Let me buy the lunch.
Oh, don't worry about it. We're not here to eat.
We're just here to meet the owner
-to get my phone back. -The owner?
Hello. I am George, the owner.
(laughs) Come.
Come!
(grunts) Come in, boys.
Sit. Sit.
So, what did you do?
I'm sorry. What?
What did you do?
I lost my ph...
Yes.
You lost.
I find.
Yes. I lost, you find.
(laughing): Yes.
Yes.
Is this...
yours?
No.
Uh... I'm looking for my phone.
-So, this is not yours? -No.
-Would you like it to be yours? -Not really.
-You don't like it? -It's very pretty...
Oh, no, you don't have to compliment it.
It-it doesn't belong to me.
Just, do you want it?
No.
Oh.
-Okay. -W-Would you mind
if maybe I just look through the box?
Oh...
Is this yours?
(George chuckling)
Ah?
No.
George, we said it was a phone.
Oh. Yes, yes, yes...
-Oh... -Did you find it?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Is this yours?
No.
Okay. Okay.
(cell phone chimes)
-What? -What?
Oh, no.
"Oh, no" what?
I know who has your phone.
Because she hacked
"She" who?
Aimee Brells.
Aimee Brells, the infomercial queen?
Yeah, she posted one of
her commercials on our YouTube channel.
MALE NARRATOR:
loses hundreds of hairs every time they shower?
Stop wasting all that perfectly good hair.
Introducing the DrainWeaver,
the innovative drain replacement
that turns your old hair into new threads.
Simply remove your boring existing drain,
install the DrainWeaver and wait four to six months.
Voilà, that's a new shirt made from your hair.
And, when you install a different
pattern disc of your choice,
you can get more than just a shirt.
That's a dress.
Hi. I'm Aimee Brells, president of BrellLyfe.
Stop letting your lovely locks go down the pipes with your suds
when they can be transformed into fashionable duds.
She also got into our Twitter, Facebook, Instagram,
Snapchat, Vine, Periscope,
LinkedIn, Google Plus, Twitch, Flickr,
DeviantArt, Dubsmash...
and NutDate.
What's NutDate?
Oh. I just signed us up for that.
They deliver nuts and dates to your door every week.
I don't think that's what it is.
But your phone was password-protected.
-Yeah. -Was it one-two-three-four?
Link! Gah...
She's getting back at us after all these years.
So, how did you guys get to know Aimee Brells?
We both dated her in high school.
-At the same time. -GEORGE: Oh.
You dinged, he dinged.
-(chuckles) -No, no. We didn't even know
we were dating her at the same time.
Until the prom.
- ♪ I swear ♪ - ♪
♪By the moon and the stars in the sky ♪
♪
-♪ I'll be there ♪ -♪
-♪ And I swear ♪ -♪
♪ Like the shadow that's by your side... ♪
You look so dope.
You don't think this bow's too big?
No, it's perfect.
You're like a huge present.
Are you saying I look boxy?
No, you look very...
un-boxy.
(Aimee sighs, chuckles)
Okay, guys, only gonna play one more slow one,
and then we gonna get crunk up in this piece!
-(scattered cheers) -Yeah!
So, what about my hair?
Because Chaz McCorkle said that it looked
like an alien sucked it up, partially digested it
and vomited it back up on my head.
It kind of does.
-What? -But...
in a really good way.
Oh. Thanks, pookie.
♪♪
Link?
What's up?
Why are y'all dancing together?
Because we came to the prom together. Duh.
No.
We came to the prom together. Duh.
Unless there's another girl around here
that's dressed like a huge present.
(chuckles) No, just me.
RHETT: Wait a second.
Is this why you've been sending me
to get you punch after every other song?
And you've been sending me to get you punch
after every other other song?
(sighing): Okay.
Boys, let me explain.
We all came to the prom together.
You just didn't know it.
That's why I asked you to get into that
big old human-sized garbage bag on the way here.
And that's why I asked you to carry
that big old human-sized garbage bag.
But now this...
is... perfect.
We can be a three couple.
We can be a "throuple."
Uh-uh. That's not right.
A "threeple."
We can be a threeple.
God, that sounds like a good idea, doesn't it?
No, it sounds like a horrible idea.
I think all your ideas are pretty great.
-Thanks. -What is wrong with you, man?
We always talked about how we would get punch
during the same song for different girls.
And is this the stupid hat you wanted me to wear?
-It's not stupid. -It's not stupid.
-What is going on with you? -(Aimee sighs)
Aimee, this is a very difficult thing for me to do,
and it doesn't help that you have
perfectly coiffed alien vomit hair...
-I know. -...but this is over.
I'm dumping you.
And so is Link. Let's go.
Oh, I don't think Linky-poo is going anywhere with you.
Linky-poo's not going anywhere.
I thought you were my best friend.
DJ Fresh Maxxie 5000, cut the music.
(feedback squeals, rumbles)
I got something I need to say.
Now, this is gonna come as a surprise to you, but...
Link and I have both been...
MALE STUDENT: Both been dating Aimee Brells at the same time.
MALE STUDENT 2: We already knew that!
Okay.
Well, now... it's over.
Because the guy that I thought was my home skillet,
my dawg, my best friend,
has shown his true colors.
And those colors are the color of...
someone putting a girl before their friend.
It's kind of a maroon or a burgundy.
Not really sure, but... either way, it totally sucks!
Link, you're no longer my best friend.
You're a punk... ass.
You're a punk-ass!
-AIMEE: Oh, my...! (screams) -(Link grunts)
Rhett, I don't know what came over me, man.
That was wack.
Aimee, we're through.
Linky-poo out!
DJ Fresh Maxxie 5000, you know what to do.
Actually, I do not know what to do
because we didn't discuss this beforehand.
(quietly): Just play that song
that would be perfect for this moment.
Okay, it would've been nice to give me a heads-up,
but I got you, brother. (chuckles)
(grunts)
♪♪
♪ What if you get buried alive? ♪
♪ Who's gonna dig you out from the ground? ♪
♪ What if you choke on some pie? ♪
♪ Who is gonna squeeze it back out? ♪
♪ What if you've got one hand in a garbage disposal ♪
♪ And your other hand switches it on? ♪
♪ Whose third hand is gonna pull your first hand out ♪
♪ While their fourth hand turns the switch back off? ♪
♪ You need a BFF ♪
-♪ Best friend forever ♪ -♪
♪ BFF to help you out whenever ♪
-♪
-♪ Best friend forever ♪ -♪
♪ BFF to help you out whenever ♪
ROBOTIC VOICE: ♪
(song ends)
(cheering and applause)
AIMEE: Move!
Get out of my...!
Move! Move!
(frustrated yell)
And, after that, we never talked to Aimee again.
(snoring)
This is not good, man.
People are confused about this commercial.
We're gonna lose subscribers.
So, what do we do?
You remember when we were kids, there was that guy
that got his (whistles) stuck in the hot tub jet?
Yeah, Johnny JaScruzzi. Why?
Well, he got it stuck in there for like three days,
and he became, like, a local celebrity.
They did a news story on him.
And I heard the jets made his (whistles) bigger.
No, I think it just made his balls smaller.
But right after that, Aimee got her hand stuck
in the mashed potatoes at
Clyde Buffett's All You Can Eat Trays of Food.
She thought that they would do a news story on her, but...
everybody just ignored her.
And then, three days later...
She pulled her hand out of the potatoes.
Right. So, I say we just wait, go on with our lives,
business as usual, and then I'm betting
that she's gonna pull her hand right out of our potatoes.
I know what they're thinking.
They think I'm gonna pull my hand out of their potatoes.
-But no! See... -(buzzing, whirring)
I'm gonna grab hold of their potatoes
and squeeze.
(laughing)
Upload the next commercial.
(snorts)
(grunts, sighs)