- He does not look happy in these photos.
And I kind of do.
Well, I was really happy.
Oh my God, I don't wanna cry.
(participant laughs)
(mellow music)
(notes whooshing)
(keyboard clacking)
- [Interviewer] Do you have any texts from any of your exes?
- Yes, I do.
- No, I don't.
- All that's deleted.
- I do.
- Yes.
We were in an open relationship,
which had been, you know,
fine for the almost year that we were together.
You know, we were both very communicative,
very open and, you know,
very accepting and willing to, you know,
discuss whatever was brought up.
And, one evening he asked me that,
if he could see someone that, you know,
he had seen again.
He was like,
"Hey, can I see so and so again,"
and it was the first time where I was like,
"No, sorry."
(participant laughs)
We like, broke up.
And I told him,
I was like, "Cool.
Just so you know, if you start dating that person,
I'm gonna kill you."
And he was like,
"Oh, I'm not even thinking about that.
Like, what are you talking about?"
You know, and I was just like,
"Okay, whatever you say."
But I just, like,
let's make sure I'm establishing this now.
And, then January came
and he basically told me that he was seeing that person.
And, I thought it would just be best if we no longer spoke.
(note whooshing)
(keyboard clacking)
"Hey, I'm not sure if you check the Discord anymore,
but the last session for my campaign
is scheduled for the night of the 12th.
If you're free, we'd love to have you."
The second message was,
"Also if you haven't already heard,
that person and I have started dating as of a few days ago.
I know you expressed
that you would be unhappy about that if it happened,
but I still wanted to be upfront about it.
I hope you're feeling better from COVID
and I'm looking forward
to potentially seeing you at D&D."
"That sounds nice
and I appreciate you being straightforward,
but I can't lie, I am pretty upset.
I think we shouldn't talk for a little bit,
at least a month.
I'm sorry, but I'm genuinely at a loss for words.
I hope your grad school app went well.
Have a great 2022."
Having someone who started as a friend,
it sucks 'cause I'm like,
I'm not only losing a partner, I'm losing a friend.
It sucks to throw that away.
- I caught my ex cheating on me.
And then when I confronted him, he got violent.
I realized I shouldn't be in that situation anymore,
so I just packed my bags and left
and I never looked back after that.
And, for a couple weeks
he would just send me waves of texts.
So it was first, "Hey, can we talk?"
And then the next day he says, "Please?"
At that point,
I didn't wanna talk to him
because he cheated on me
and I just wanted to move on from there.
I don't know how,
I was single at this point and I went on a date
and somehow he found out I went on a date.
And so he texted me,
"You went on a date with someone else?
Already? Ivie, I loved you.
I wanted to fix things
and took time to gather my thoughts and seek help.
Everything we had, I (beep) up."
And then, in that same day,
I felt something was off.
And then I found his car in front of my house.
"I'm not here for your forgiveness.
Just my stuff and to talk it out and move on.
That's it.
I'm making a police report tonight for stolen property.
I really don't want to,
but you're really forcing my hand here."
He said he's going to the police,
so I wouldn't be able to go to the police
to file a report for myself.
I kind of felt lost at that point
and I didn't really know what to do.
I just don't understand
why someone's learning experience
has to come at the expense of traumatizing others.
- As like, a younger gay kid,
I'd always see TV shows of like,
this guy who got matched with like,
this straight guy that they didn't know they were gay
and it ended up like,
kindling into this fairytale type of relationship.
I had ended up with a best friend
in high school my senior year.
It was a nice thing for me having like, a friend.
And I found myself getting closer and closer to this guy.
And I've never had like,
a really close, best friend that was a guy.
And I figured out why.
(participant laughs)
Because I'd end up catching feelings for him.
It was just really strange,
because he was a very like,
Christian football player,
go to church every Sunday.
It was just very like,
difficult, I guess,
for him to process those emotions
and overcoming of like, who you are.
So, how we would hang out is
we wouldn't really like, text much.
We would just text, oh, do you want to hang out?
Yeah, sure.
And then we'd like, spend the day together.
And then that's how we would like, communicate a bunch.
(keyboard clacking)
"Hey, do you want to go hang out and get some food?"
No response.
Like, a day passed.
"Hey man, is everything all right?"
"I don't know, man.
I don't think we should be doing this anymore."
"Okay, that's fine.
But, you're not gonna be pulling this crap over text again.
You're gonna tell me why to my face."
That kind of just led into the
in-person conversation that we had the next day.
'Cause I know he's still like,
figuring himself out.
He's still like, thinking about his feelings for me.
And I just want to be like,
you know, I love you.
You had this and it was there,
but, I'm done with it.
And I just kind of wanna like, go on from that.
I feel like I really just like,
gave up a part of my heart, I guess,
to someone that really wasn't ready to receive it.
- We dated in high school
and then we had like,
a messy breakup when I moved away for college.
It was kind of something that I did.
I confronted his girl best friend
because I was uncomfortable with their friendship.
He would tell me like, oh, you're just my girlfriend.
Like, you're not my best friend 'cause she's my best friend.
I didn't like that,
so I traveled on the Greyhound to see him.
And the second time that I came,
he stood me up.
Then unexpectedly, like two years later,
I get a text from a random, unsaved number.
And it was from him.
(keyboard clacking)
"I hope you're doing well.
I don't wanna take too much of your time,
but I need to let you know
that I'm in the process of applying for a job
and they're doing a background check on me.
They requested your information so I gave it to them
and they will probably call or email you.
I know this is random,
but I still thought I should let you know in advance."
"Yeah, okay.
Why would they ask for my info in the first place, though?"
He responded with,
"During my background interview,
they asked about my last relationships.
And since you were my last serious one,
they wanted your info."
And then I responded with,
"Oh, okay. LOL, yeah, no worries."
And then right after that,
he sent me this three-paragraph long message
about how he wanted to get stuff off his chest
and basically kind of, apologize for everything.
And honestly, I really wanted that closure.
That's why I like,
rode on the Greyhound twice, 300 miles one way.
I never got it,
so it was the closure that I needed two years ago,
but I'm finally getting it.
- [Interviewer] Do you have any photos or videos
of when you guys were together?
- Like, I'll have notifications and it'll say like,
memories or highlights and it's like,
Disneyland 2018.
- [Interviewer] What goes through your head?
- How blind I was,
'cause he does not look happy in these photos.
And I kind of do.
Well, I was really happy.
As like, time went on,
his smile kind of faded.
Oh my God, I don't wanna cry.
(participant laughs)
- She, actually, slid into my DMs.
(Heischler laughs)
She was a follower of me previously,
from my social media.
And it was just a really toxic relationship from the start.
She became friends with another one of my friends
and she added her on her personal IG story.
And I guess she was out one night and basically,
she was making out with a guy
and she posted it on her close friend's story.
And she posted it on her close friend's story,
obviously, because I wasn't on there.
But I guess she forgot that she had my friend,
who I've known before her,
my friend screen-shotted it and showed it to me
and was like, are you guys good?
I sent three question marks,
just 'cause I wanted to see what she would say.
And then she was like, "Hi, babe. You okay?"
I could either play into this,
or I can just send you the screenshot
and make you feel dumb.
So that's exactly what I did.
I just sent the screenshot.
And I said, right after,
"So this is what you do on your private stories, huh?"
"I'm sorry, I was honestly so drunk,
I forgot to tell you that I made out with a friend.
This week has been so F'd up
and I needed to get out and have fun.
I know I F'd up, I'm so sorry."
And so I said,
"How do you forget to tell me
but post it on your private story?
Did you forget that you had my friend
on your private story?"
Dot, dot, dot.
And then, this is where it gets interesting.
So she texted me,
"Ima try to convince him."
And I was like,
that wasn't meant for me.
And I said,
"Oops, yeah, you're for the streets. Bye."
- [Interviewer] Do you hope to like,
have a new relationship soon in the future?
Or are you sort of waiting and taking your time?
- I'm waiting.
Taking my time, focusing on me.
You know? It's all about me.
I'm in a relationship with myself.
There we go.
I'm in a relationship with me, with Heischler.
- Yeah.
- [Interviewer] Nice.