- In this area here, what would you like to rap about?
- [Audience Member] Your fourth stroke.
- My fourth stroke.
Very good.
Yes. I used to have an American accent.
It was so shocking. Wasn't it?
That was how it happened.
(audience laughs)
Okay. Having four strokes.
It feels, feels very insensitive when you say it, you know?
'Cause, Mike and Keith know each other.
Mike is very charming
and Keith was still in the room, right?
So it was, it was fun.
Whereas you sat, they're like, yeah, fuck 'em
with their broken brains.
But it's what you asked for.
And you know, it's not as boring as Boris Johnson.
So yeah.
Four strokes.
People over here. What would you like a rap about?
- [Audience Member 2] Medium sized penises.
- Medium sized penises?
Great. Yeah. Cool.
You know, I think you could just say penises, and we just...
(audience laughs)
By definition, right?
I guess.
Cool. Medium sized penises. Nice.
And four, the four strokes.
So then, then we'll come to the middle of the room.
So far, ww, you know, it's, so far it's shit,
but so, middle of the room,
step it up a notch.
- [Audience Member 3] Life in a post-apocalyptic world
- You said a what?
- [Audience Member 3] Life in a post-apocalyptic world.
- Life in a post-apocalyptic world.
What caused the apocalypse?
- [Audience Member 3] Rabbits.
- Rabbits? Okay.
Life in a post-apocalyptic world.
Brought upon by rabbits.
People over here.
What would you like a rap about?
- [Audience Member 4] Abortion.
- You're not over there, but yeah. Why not?
When it comes, how many abortions have you had slash caused?
(audience laughing)
I just wanna know your relation to it.
- [Audience Member 4] I've performed two.
- You performed how many?
- [Audience Member 4] Two abortions.
- Two. So either you are a very inexperienced doctor
or just a very cavalier civilian.
Like I'm doing real grassroots, abortion work out there.
I don't just stand there with a sign and go, you know
I fucking get my hands dirty, bro.
A man who's performed two abortions.
Look. That's what happens when you're too slow
suggesting something, this section.
Now, man, over there says something
that we're all, really, so far,
like your suggestion, again, it was a bit weird,
but at least it wasn't penises, strokes, and abortions
from three, look, I've not asked your pronouns,
but you're all fucking blokes, are you?
This section, let's get the final one
then let's do this.
- [Audience Member 5] Miranda Priestly on safari.
- Miranda Priestly on safari.
I know the name Miranda. Priestly. Why is that?
- [Audience Member 5] "Devil wears Prada".
- "Devil wears Prada".
Yes. So she's the, essentially the editor of Vogue, right?
That's the... cool, on safari. Nice. Nice.
Do you yourself go on safaris?
- [Audience Member 5] No.
- What was with the judgment dripping from your voice?
No, that's the type of shit a fashion editor would do, Cris.
Miranda Priestly on a safari,
a man who's done two abortions, a medium sized penis,
post-apocalyptic rabbit world, four strokes.
This is what you've asked for.
And this is what you shall get.
So, let's, band, let's do something.
So yeah.
(beat begins)
Drums are loud, aren't they?
I just wait for the baseline.
I'm excited to hear it.
Cause this is, every night, every night, I'm different.
But every night, they're different as well.
So, you know, it's the first time I've heard this
and it sounds entirely in my wheelhouse.
So let's have some fun,
♪ Three suggestions from these blogs ♪
♪ One guy spoke loud, shout four strokes ♪
♪ 1, 2, 3, that's a quad ♪
♪ Walk in there, got the brain clot ♪
♪ With the blood in the brain and it feels so bad ♪
♪ Feel the pain in your right arm, shoulder sag, ♪
♪ You're like, "Oh, shit, can't move properly ♪
♪ Kinda me, no hopscotch for me ♪
♪ I'm unstable on my feet" ♪
♪ You've gotta get that blood thinner, can't be beat ♪
♪ I'm not making light of the situation ♪
♪ Maybe I can self-supplicate ♪
♪ Then calm down, go to the doctor ♪
♪ Have you got any medication on offer? ♪
♪ But maybe I give respect to a person getting two strokes ♪
♪ Then having sex like, ♪
♪ Running there, yeah. You seen this, ♪
♪ The man out there shoutin' "Our penis" ♪
♪ Yeah. I might meet in the street ♪
♪ And I say you are what you eat ♪
♪ What? That makes no sense ♪
♪ Walk the walk ♪
♪ Talk the talk ♪
♪ Maybe chalk back a quarter of pork ♪
♪ That's a tiny bit slang for the dick ♪
♪ When I see that maybe I could pick ♪
♪ It out of a lineup like the size there ♪
♪ Six foot. No, my eyes are usually 5.5, kind of slim see ♪
♪ Who said that? ♪
♪ Kinsey ♪
♪ That's the sex scientist ♪
♪ He's like usually you can measure this ♪
♪ Oh, well, you must be so confused ♪
♪ What's he doing? I just went to the loo ♪
♪ And he's rapping about a penis, ♪
♪ Five inches, you've seen this, ♪
♪ I'm gonna whip it out, it's vital ♪
♪ To stand when I'm at the urinal ♪
♪ I look the guy to the left, I feel like baller ♪
♪ Why? 'Cause his is much, much smaller ♪
♪ And then the guy, he's in charge ♪
♪ He's over there, fucking hell, it's ever so large ♪
♪ This tickling the back off the wall ♪
♪ I'm like, man, step back, I'm appalled ♪
♪ But this, that cost correcting ♪
♪ I see this rabbit respected, it's so time ♪
♪ Yeah, you chose this ♪
♪ Rabbit apocalypse mixametosis ♪
♪ Probably that's that disease ♪
♪ Coming out the mouth and they dribble with these ♪
♪ I'm like, calm down rabbits, please ♪
♪ You know, read that book called "The Road" ♪
♪ About the apocalypse ♪
♪ I'm like whoa, in the apocalyptic post period ♪
♪ Maybe there's a nuclear war ♪
♪ But no animals fucking down on the floor ♪
♪ Like, yeah, I'm gonna fucking shag it ♪
♪ What's the world, there's like too many rabbits ♪
♪ They're taking all the resources ♪
♪ Rabbits basically more than horses ♪
♪ And they're growing to enormous size ♪
♪ I try and get bottled water that FEMA provides ♪
♪ They bring it to me in a big bus ♪
♪ I'm like, this is like the last of us ♪
♪ Not one but two ♪
♪ When it's 20 years old ♪
♪ Ah, yeah, we'll have a fucking one ♪
♪ Not the abortion, We're saving that right to the end ♪
♪ That's what you chose, yeah, keeping it on trend ♪
♪ Your like, ah, Wade v. Roe, ♪
♪ They can't do it, so I'll have a go ♪
♪ Out to the doctor's office ♪
♪ I got a lot of skills like I can pop this ♪
♪ What's this? Yeah, you spot it ♪
♪ I got a coat hanger in my pocket ♪
♪ I pull it out and I wiggle around ♪
♪ And the baby comes out like beef that's ground ♪
♪ That's disgusting, Why would I even say ♪
♪ That's the person easily ♪
♪ Oh right, I'm like Charlie's ♪
♪ We're gonna rock out on safari ♪
♪ I see that lady ♪
♪ Yes, I please see, ♪
♪ That editor called Miranda Priestly ♪
♪ Where is she? ♪
♪ I don't mean to offend, your befriend ♪
♪ You're writing that Vogue in Kenya ♪
♪ On the (stammering) place ♪
♪ See the little giraffe with it's face ♪
♪ Like, oh, you're nice ♪
♪ Oh, you are big. ♪
♪ Is she French? ♪
♪ I don't know. She's a pig in New York ♪
♪ People say she's really mean, ♪
♪ "Devil Wears Prada" and keen to go back to this ♪
♪ Yeah. You know, I've got them ♪
♪ Louis Vuitton's, red shoes on the bottom ♪
♪ But these red shoes that are on the souls ♪
♪ They're covered with the blood of the baby souls ♪
♪ And it's your fault, yes, you know, ♪
♪ You did two abortions, you owe ♪
♪ Two times two, like that bloke, ♪
♪ Two abortions but we double it for four strokes ♪
(audience cheering)