we'll divide the room up so everyone
gets a fair go you put your hat if
you've got a hand up in a very polite
way and you're looking at me with the
kind of oh you're German okay so what
would she what would you like a rap
about my German friend what you're not
the German though are you don't just
[ __ ] take over the German that's
their job that's this no it is Michael
first what what would you like a wrap up
the moon landings the Germans don't have
a damn of space space program do they
know they wanted one didn't they
that's what you know what happen with
all the good German scientists the
Americans took him well like don't worry
we won't mind what you did as long as
you get us to the moon genuinely
happened it's really worrying the moon
landing maybe the moon landing from a
German perspective
you said flannel and that's fine you
mean like a face cloth oh you mean like
the plaid shirt people at the face cloth
okay cool I mean I feel I feel bad we've
got two suggestions in the same table
but German moon landing and flannel is
is good let's okay let's give you guys
over here some some free brain what you
want to hear a rap about what Carlisle
didn't you get enough attention from
Stephen earlier where the [ __ ] is
Carlisle
it's on the coast how near hull is it
the other side oh it's on the oh okay
yeah that makes sense
oh yeah you stop there light between
Penrith and the lakes right yeah the
only way I know it is as a train station
when I stop call Carlisle of Carlisle
flannel German moon-landing have you got
a hand up yeah onomatopoeia woods you
have a favour onomatopoeic word and
honour my pay word is a word that's like
you know the word itself sounds like
boom or splash it's basically English
lesson [ __ ] that really doesn't make
sense what go with bang okay the
onomatopoeic word bang Carlile flannel
German moon landings let's kind of go to
you guys over here what you want a rap
about Millennials you see you have the
the pictured voice which makes me think
you are a millennial is that the case
yeah what what's your favorite part of
being a millennial if we were in America
I'd be worried you'd be about to shoot
up the place right now
okay the loneliness of Millennials
Carlile flannel the German moon landing
and the onomatopoeia word bang my might
take an extra once I feel like the
Carlisle section of the rap is gonna be
very sure what what's what that one what
put hoodlums what do you say would luck
woodlouse okay it's an animal but it's a
real specific niche one okay I'll take
that cool that's sick suggestions that's
one more than I use you tape butter
like I said Carlisle might get oh wait
light it a bit cool this then lovely
people of the Brian commedia a little
treat for you guys a little Christmas
gift little thing called a freestyle rap
that has a rap made upon the spot based
entirely on those suggestions
suggestions once more
flannel German moon landing Carlisle the
onomatopoeic word bang the loneliness
and Millennials and wood louse or wood
lice you may need to remind me of these
it's gonna be a free stoves made-up it's
not rain it's not scripted then don't
worry it won't be anywhere near as
atrociously embarrassingly totally bad
as you are expecting it to be
you seem very unconvinced but let's
let's have some fun with this if we can
drop that beat good sir let's show him
how we do
[Music]
we gonna do this like this yeah don't
ask questions I Spit advice and in the
bottom of my garden under stone the wood
lice wood louse from the garden soil
into my house I say deal with it I'm
asking my spouse I'm scared of all the
creepy crawlies I get a little glass I
put it on paper out to the grass the
wood louse pill bug curls to a sphere I
flick it like a bogey it's no longer
near they live on the damp wood in the
forest let me move over and I apologize
to anybody who's from Carlisle I've
never visited there and never will for a
while it's on the west side of the
country if I'm in hiding you might hunt
me down but I'm never in that town it's
really really shitty is it a town a
village or even to see I'll never visit
it so I'll never know if you're on
holiday then never go Carlisle has it
got a lot of vehicles
bang bang yes a word that I adore I love
it
when the bullet comes out the gun it
makes a loud noise suggesting you better
run onomatopoeia is when the word sounds
like the letters on the page upon the
words found splash [ __ ] blink yeh or
the onomatopoeia words I can say I've
got a stiff grip on it I loosened the
handle put the water from the tap on a
nice big flannel I rub it off my face
with some apricot scrub so hard with the
motion I get blood drawn from the pores
my advice is user flannel when you wash
your face tonight because they're
exfoliation motion of the fibers gets
all of the dirt inside there it comes
out yeah
out at your face they're leaving pores
open like a moon crater did you have a
hand in the moon landing any Germans
would have an understanding
they say yah he wished for so long took
me like Buzz Aldrin and Armstrong and
Michael Collins but no we never got
there
Apollo in the sky the America if we had
the Empire after the war we would be up
there in Apollo one through four the
Russians took over with Gagarin we were
all the Germans we were just starving
having to pay reparations to you
horrible forget about World War two but
that's okay I'm in my couch feeling
homely in my apartment but I still feel
lonely I try and call my friends to come
round here but the problem is the social
media has made us more connected and
more separated i self-loathing
millennial so frustrated yeah I feel
like giving up the ghost and lonely as I
eat my avocado toast oh it's so hard
look at my face we ruined everything
Facebook in myspace you catch up on the
side of our plate if your millennial
then you've got no mates
why because you whine all the goddamn
time saying I am angry I put it online
admittedly that is a little bit of spit
I'm millennial and lonely too a [ __ ]
hypocrite yeah