When divorce happens, you got to figure out a lot of different things. Today at
Live on Purpose TV: How to be a single parent after a divorce? 5 quick tips
today from my experience in working with hundreds of people who have actually
done this. Number 1, plan on doing this yourself. I know, sorry. Here's the context
around this. I was working with a young lady who had been through a divorce. She
had three little boys, twins. Age two and a baby. Now, that's a big load, right? As
I'm visiting with her here at my office she says, "Well, as long as the child
support comes through, I'll be able to..." I stopped her right there. I said, "Hold on.
Whoa! Stop.Child support?" Now, disclaimer folks. I don't want to let anybody off
the hook for their responsibilities for their family. If you have children, you
are responsible for those children. I get so sick and tired of deadbeat parents
out there who do not fulfill their responsibilities to their kids. We're not
talking about that right now. The person who is on my couch is this young mom who
is depending on child support to come from her ex. Now, should her ex pay? Yes.
That's not the point here. But that's outside of her control. And that's the
point that I wanted to make with her. Look, plan on doing this yourself. What
that means is figure out how you (without your ex's support) can come up with the
resources. And the money and the support that you're going to need on your own. I
know this is really harsh. But this changes our thinking and our planning
and our strategizing with this young lady that I was working with.
She was able to once she put her ex aside for a moment in her own mind. She
was able to come up with a legitimate plan for how she was going to do this
herself. And that changed how she approached her whole situation. Now,
thankfully her ex did come through and provide child support. And other
important kinds of support. Which to her looked like this amazing gift at that
time. She wasn't counting on it. It's a bonus. Awesome. And she was able to
independently and powerfully, as an individual herself, come up with what was
necessary to support herself in these three little boys. That's why I say
that's number 1. You figure out how you're going to do this. You plan on
doing this yourself. You know that leads us to number 2. You don't have to do
this yourself. Ah! So, I set you up. I totally set you up.
You're not alone. You are not alone. But if you do number 1 and you figure
out how you're going to do this yourself, and then number 2 is you don't have to
do this yourself. There are abundant resources all around you. And people who
love you and people who are willing to provide, support and resources to you. So,
that's why I set it up that way. You get your mind set on, "Okay, here's how I'm
going to do this." And then you open yourself up to the amazing and wonderful
support that is all around you. You're not alone, you're not the first one to do
this, you won't be the last. People have been doing this for generations. You've
got this. Now, that leads to number 3 which is huge. Self-care. Self-care. You've
got to take care of you. You're the number 1 resource that you bring to
the table for your kids. And the very best gift you can give them at this
point is a fully functioning parent. You get yourself in a place
where you can show up and take care of them. So, all the stuff that we've talked
about in other videos, you know, you got to get enough sleep and I know that's a
challenge sometimes. You've got to be having regular exercise, eat a balanced
healthy diet. You take care of the Machine. Take time for solace, meditation,
periods of connection and spirituality and prayer. These are important to make
sure that you are in position to function well. Not only for yourself
but obviously, for your kids. Now number 3 is to build a team. We've all heard
that it takes a village to raise a child. That is so true in so many ways. And
remember number 2 you don't have to do this yourself, There are abundant
resources around you. And it's going to take some intentional effort on your
part to actually assemble and call together
your team. This might include neighbors and family and friends and people that
you can draw on for support. It might include people like me, I'm on your team
here on YouTube. And you can access these videos anytime that you want. There's an
abundance of other resources out there, too. In fact, that leads me to number 5.
Tap in to the abundant resources that are available. Now, I've already started
to list some of these. Right in your own community, you're going to find resources.
Some of them you weren't even aware of before. Open up your eyes, open up your
ears, start to pay attention to what resources are out there. I already
mentioned YouTube, family, friends, community resources, church resources,
support groups, social media groups. There are so many resources out there to
support you as a parent. And as a person, I love that we live in
an age where we can connect with each other easily. Where we can see that we're
not alone and that there are other people who have already solved the
problems that we're working on right now. You know, what that brings up another
issue. Because you have already figured out how to solve certain things that are
still baffling some of your brothers and sisters on the planet. Share it. Become a
resource. This is a powerful way also to power up your own parenting in your own
life as you reach outside of yourself and start to support and assist others
who are on a similar path. As we work together we can do this. So yes, plan on
doing this yourself but you don't have to do it yourself because of all of the
abundant resources that are so plentiful all around you. Parenting is tough enough
as it is. There's a lot of other great videos here in the positive parenting
playlist. You're going to want to check those out as well.