I've toured around this country a lot.
I've been all over the place.
All kinds of venues, all kinds of cities, all kinds of states.
And everyone speaks a different way.
It's kind of the beauty of it.
[affected Maine accent] Maine...
Maine, you can almost hear England there.
[Vermont accent] Vermont, hit the Ts? The T's are here, Vermont.
[Massachusetts accent] Massachus-- My daughter. Massachu--
My daughter got married in June.
June. It's a kind of bite...
It's a throat bite.
Boston, Massachusetts.
[Connecticut accent] Connecticut, you get a bit of that East Coast kind of--
Almost New York, but not quite.
Connecticut. That's my business, not yours.
Yeah, it's just, Connecticut.
[New York accent] Then New York City.
New York City's got a lot of accents.
Manhattan. Manhattan's kind of, you know--
Upper West Side is kind of very serious, and...
I always fear a medical condition.
Upper West Side medical condition, and...
[Brooklyn accent] Brooklyn. Brooklyn's a little more tough.
Yeah, Brooklyn, what? Brooklyn.
Brooklyn's tough, but the Bronx-- [Bronx accent] The Bronx is in the lungs.
What? The Bronx.
[alternating accents] Brooklyn. The Bronx. Brooklyn.
Manhattan. Manhattan.
Professional Manhattan. Brooklyn.
[Queens accent] Queens has got-- Queens. Nobody told me.
Queens. Nobody told me.
Why didn't you tell me?
[Long Island accent] Lo-- Lo-- Lo-- Long Island stalls for time.
Stal-- I'm gonna stall.
New Jersey.
[Jersey accent] New Jersey starts to kind of-- It--
New Jersey's almost like a little punch.
About to punch, New Jersey.
Got New Jersey, and then Philadelphia and Pittsburgh.
[Pittsburgh accent] You can just go there. You can just go there to Pittsburgh.
[Baltimore accent] And then down to Baltimore. Motor oil.
I always think "motor oil."
Baltimore. Motor oil.
[Virginian accent] Then down to Virginia. Virginia's got...
You kind of start to hear a little bit of the Southern accent,
but not too much.
[accents switch] West Virginia's kind of-- You've heard that before.
And Kentucky tightens up a little.
But Kentucky... the I is clo-- Kentucky.
West Vir-- And then, little bit more, North Carolina.
There's kind of a-- Now, hold on. North Carolina.
You mentioned two pumpkins. I'm not sure--
Just rethinking what you said there.
And then... Then South Carolina,
there's a little bit of pageantry in South Carolina.
And Georgia, you start to lose the R in Georgia.
Georgia, Atlanta.
Florida. No-- Florida. Kind of...
They kind of take two syllables, turn them into one. Flo-- Florida.
Florida.
But Miami's got a little bit of-- I am born in Miami,
but I still have this accent, and...
But Florida, mostly, I don't know why, it was a baseball mitt.
Baseball mitt.
Alabama. 'Bama-- Alabama.
There's a kind of bounce to the word--
The syllables, Alabama.
Texas, I kind of...
Dallas. Dallas, to me, seems the most forthright,
but then Houston,
I feel like they're scolding you a little. Houston.
But Austin's got-- Austin wants to have fun.
I would like to put a little laugh in Austin.
[accent switches] Dallas. Houston. Dallas.
Dallas.
Oklahoma and Arkansas, and then you go to Illinois.
You can start to get that--
Actually, a lot of Southern Illinois still has a bit of a drawl,
but as you come up through Indiana and Chicago,
you start to get that Midwestern sound.
Chicago. Chicago.
Ca... Ba...
Car. Whose car? Is that your car?
But Wisconsin's more Chicago than Chicago, Wisconsin.
This is the Minneapolis Police.
Minneapolis. Minnesota. Minnesota.
Duluth, almost Canadian, Duluth.
But Canada's-- Oh, Canada, eh? I know. We've heard it before, eh?
Cigarettes, eh? Cigarettes.
And then as you go through Montana, it starts to flatten out, Montana.
I think they put a Y in their vowels for some reason. Montana.
Idaho and Seattle.
Seattle is interesting because they present their words on a plate.
They present...
I'm from Seattle. These are the words.
Portland is the same thing, but set back a little bit,
and a little more quiet.
So, they present the words to you, but they take it back a little bit.
No. No.
San Francisco. I-- The way I think of San Francisco
is this is a fact. This is a fact.
Excuse me? No.
That-- This is a fact.
This is...
But in Southern California, as you go down,
the thing that you want to do
is you want to pronounce every part of the word.
Every syllable of every word. Southern California.
Arizona, and then going into Mexico.
Mexico, the Spanish...
[speaking in Spanish]
[continues speaking in Spanish]
But lo Cubano...
[speaking in Spanish]
[continues speaking in Spanish]
[switches between Mexican-accented and Cuban-accented Spanish]
Thank you very much. All right.