- I love coffee like I am obsessed with coffee.
- On average, I would drink about four to five cups a day.
- I'm a true man of Dunkin' Donuts
who is the only winner right here.
- Dunkin' Donuts is my jam, okay?
Starbucks tastes like a homeless man's toe.
- Oh, this hot water sure is nice.
- Yeah, this is the worst, 7-Eleven.
- That is water that someone just like peed in or shit in.
- It's pee water.
- Watery to the point that I don't know if I'm here
at BuzzFeed or white water rafting.
- Nope, nope, see, you know, when you drink it,
OK, I like to imagine myself on a porch in Maine.
- The sun is rising.
- Sip it and if you feel good
- No - like with that picture.
No, you don't feel good.
- That is also non distinct.
- Yeah, I'm right back on that waterfall.
- Do you have cream with your coffee every morning?
Cause I'm wondering if this is just how coffee tastes
without cream and sugar in it.
Like water and dirt.
I like this one.
- Yeah, this one's nice.
- This is definitely sweeter, there's notes of vanilla.
- It's very woodsy.
- Yup.
- Woodsy and watery, a stream through a wood.
- I like it, it's smooth and it's delicious and it's rich.
- But it's not too much.
- Yeah.
- I hate when coffee just smacks you in the face.
- Don't like it.
- Oh, oh.
- Smack this, smack this,
literally what we were talking about.
- Oh man, I took too big of a gulp.
- Easy, I don't even need to drink it, it's Starbucks.
I don't even like Starbucks. - Yeah, that's Starbucks.
- Thank you.
- Oh, that already has a little more bite.
A little more.
- It's like the whiskey of coffee,
this is pretty strong.
- I think that is just hot whiskey.
I keep drinking it.
- I know, it's addictive.
- Oh, this is Dunkin'.
- Yeah?
- Smell it.
- It does smell like New England.
- Oh, this is Dunkin' Donuts.
- I know what New England smells like
because I was born in New England.
- How do I describe this?
Blah, blergh.
How do you describe something
so utterly boring and watered down?
- There's complexity.
- Yes.
- I think there's like total complexity in this little cup.
I guess if you do that it tastes good.
- Well, (beeping) they all suck.
This is really bad.
- I don't know, it's like in the middle.
It's like...
- It's like flat, like dark.
- Meh.
- You know, I mean...
- Meh, meh.
- This one's our favorite.
- Yeah, mutual.
- Yeah, go Starbucks, good job Starbucks.
That is so distinctly above every thing else
on this line up.
- Starbucks?
- Oh, my God, I am so against big business.
- We're basic!
- We're basic bitches.
- Cheers.
- [Voiceover] That's McDonald's.
- That's McDonald's?
Are you kidding me?
No way!
I feel like I've cheated on Dunkin' Donuts.
Damn you, McDonald's.
Is this Dunkin'?
This shitty thing is?
No, it's not, oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
Wow.
- I just drooled.