Hi, coming to you live from Chicago Illinoi,
I am, Caitlin V sex and relationship coach
and today, I'm going to share with you
10 mistakes that men learn by watching porn.
Number one, thrusting is what gets women off.
In fact, thrusting has a time and a place,
but it is certainly not the very first thing,
it is not the thing to jump in with,
and it is not the core of women's
arousal and pleasure during sex.
In fact, it can get in the way.
Women need to be able to squeeze down
using their PC muscles a.k.a their kegel muscles
on your penis while it is inside of them
in order to create and generate
sensation and tension that leads to orgasm.
So, when you're thrusting in and out too quickly,
she is not able to get the proper
squeeze that she needs
in order to feel pleasure and ultimately reach orgasm.
Number two, all women moan
a lot.
In porn women make a ton of noise,
they are vocal, they are screaming,
moaning, making little like...
Not all women are super vocal,
women express themselves,
express their arousal in a lot of different ways.
Some women breathe heavier than others.
Some get a flush across their face or their chest.
Some are really vocal and some are not.
You cannot take someone vocalizations to mean
that they are loving what you're doing to them.
You should ask using your words
to confirm that they like what you are doing
and just because someone isn't making a lot of noise
doesn't mean that they're not really
deeply in the throes of pleasure.
There's only one way to be sure
and that's to communicate with them.
Number three, it's your job to get her off.
In porn the story often is that,
this guy comes in,
he pleases the woman, he gives her multiple orgasms
gives her orgasms like, you could give
someone a gift or give someone a pizza.
The truth is that it's not your job
to get your partner off.
It's a collaborative effort,
she has to want it, she has to work for it,
and you alone cannot be responsible
for giving her an orgasm.
I wish it were that simple,
you wish it were that simple.
If we could give orgasms
to other people, here we go one for you, one for...
The truth is that we can't just
give them away.
They're worked for, they're earned,
and they are the process and the results of a collaboration.
Number five, anal sex is effortless.
This is a lie, anal sex takes work,
it can be awesome,
it can be super pleasurable.
It requires work, it requires build-up,
sometimes it requires practice.
Sometimes it requires practicing with
toys such as butt plugs for weeks
before any actual
penetration with a penis is possible.
It doesn't mean that it's not worth it working for,
it just means that it's not as effortless
as porn would have you believe.
Number six, right. One, two, three, four, five, right.
Now, that's four, this is five.
Number five, no one needs lube.
With this idea, that
if someone is properly turned on and aroused,
then they will just be wet and there won't
be any need for lubricant.
It's not true.
Sometimes you can be really super aroused
and your body is just not there.
it's like having a kiss of dry mouth
you can't always predict it, it doesn't mean anything.
It's not a reflection on your ability
to turn her on, whether she turned on or she's not turned on.
People need lube.
Especially if you are having sex like
porn stars do for hours on end,
you just don't see the person coming in and like,
squirting them down with lube in between scenes.
Lube is awesome, you should invest in some,
you should get some high quality lube,
you should get some water-based lube
because you can use it with condoms.
You should get some silicone-based lube,
it lasts forever, it has really good slick power,
you can also use that one with condoms,
oil-based lube you cannot use with condoms.
Number six, sex is for sexy people.
we only see a handful of body types in porn.
There's really not a whole lot of body diversity.
Especially when it comes to different sizes,
different skin color,
different athletic abilities, builds, disabilities.
The truth is that sex is for everyone
and sometimes we get the idea
from consuming a lot of porn
that sex is for only those people who look a certain way.
When we don't see ourselves
presented on the screen as sexy it can be up to us
to see ourselves as sexy in our own lives.
Number seven,
you don't have to use your hands.
You don't see a lot of caressing in porn.
You don't see a lot of fingers,
hands, moving, squeezing, right.
Maybe some gripping, for sure.
The truth is that sex is very hands-on,
and I mean literally hands-on.
Using your hands to caress, to squeeze, to pinch, to poke,
to tickle, to scratch your lover,
is an essential component to having sex.
Not only does it feel good for you, it feels good for them,
and it's a way that we really connect.
Especially in the early phases or during foreplay,
so, use your hands.
Number eight, harder is always better.
Yes harder is great.
Especially when she's really close to orgasm
or she's really, really aroused
you've been having sex for a while,
you gotta pace yourself.
Don't start with a full-on hard
thrusting motion, you're gonna get exhausted.
Lead up to that, slowly but surely.
Start with a pace that you can maintain
for a while and move up to a harder thrusting.
Her body isn't ready for it,
until she's already been aroused
sometimes up to 20 minutes.
Harder is not always better,
it's great, it has a time and a place.
Learn when and how to use it effectively.
Number nine.
Thinking that everyone has a big dick
or a big dick is needed
to please women and comparing yourself to others.
Men in porn are cast for one very
important, very crucial, essential
feature on their bodies
and they are cast because they are not
part of the norm, they're not average.
If you've only ever really seen
the kinds of penises that people in porn have,
then you are not comparing yourself
to the average man
and that can do a lot
for your self-esteem and for your confidence.
I promise you that the difference between
average, average and porn average is pretty big
and finally, number 10.
Positions with the best visuals
also produce the best feeling.
Porn is all about what you can see, right.
It's a visual medium, it's video.
Angles that contort the body so that you can
see the insertion of the penetration
work really well on porn,
but they don't work as well in real life.
When you're having sex with a woman,
instead of paying attention to what it looks like,
pay really close attention to how she's responding.
Does that position make her
breathe harder, moan more,
pull you closer.
Those are the kind of indicators that you're looking for
that a position is working.
Not how it actually looks.
Leave in the comments below
some of the mistakes that I missed
or the things that you've noticed
that differentiate porn sex
from real life sex.