and what you can do about it.
There are like false ways that narcissists make you look like you're the abuser.
I'm gonna talk about those and more importantly,
what you can do about it.
So you definitely don't wanna miss this.
Hey there. I'm Rebecca Zung
and I'm an attorney.
I'm also a narcissist negotiation expert
and on this channel,
I show you all the ways that you can flip that dynamic with narcissists.
So you definitely wanna subscribe to this
channel and hit that notification bell
so that you don't miss one single thing.
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So make sure that you subscribe
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Today, we are tackling four ways that narcissists
make you look like the abuser and more importantly,
what can you do about it?
So first of all, why did narcissists do this sort of thing?
Well, they do this sort of thing because
when you go into the discard phase of a relationship,
which is the last phase of a relationship
and if you wanna know more
about the discard phase of a relationship,
I have a whole video on the discard phase specifically
of a narcissistic relationship
and you can definitely check that out.
But when you go into that,
this is when you see the birth of the smere campaign.
This is when you become public enemy number one.
They see things in black and white.
You either have to be for them or against them.
You know, it can't be this amicable thing
and by the way, even if they say,
“oh, wait, I wanted to be amicable and we can do this ourselves”
and all of that sort of thing,
do not believe them.
Do not buy into it
because what's gonna happen is they're gonna be way ahead of you
and by the way, they're gonna get you to agree to all sorts things,
and they're gonna try to hold you to those agreements,
and then they're not gonna hold themselves to any of those agreements.
Okay? So don't buy into any of that
and the other thing that happens is that you end up saying,
“oh, I'll give you blah, blah, blah, blah, blah”
thinking it's gonna garner some sort of favor
with them and it doesn't.
Like, they just take it.
They think that they're entitled to
it or something and
it just goes into the wind and forgotten
and you're over there going,
“hey, I gave you all this stuff”
and they don't think of it as anything fantastic or at all.
I was supposed to have that or whatever
and you don't end up getting any kind of credit for any of that.
So don't bother.
It doesn't help you.
The only thing it actually hurt you because
you gave up a lot of your leverage in the long run.
Just don't do any of that sort of thing.
So going back to the four ways that
the narcissist makes you look like the abuser
and what you can do about it.
or they'll take parts of emails and texts,
like this is all still part of number one.
They take these parts of emails
or text and they try to fashion
them or manipulat e them in some way
to make it look like that was abuse
or an affair or something like that.
What you can do about it is?
First of all, texting is not good
because texting is something that can easily be manipulated
and that's why I do prefer email
because email is much harder to manipulate than text.
Emails do have a time and date stamp
on them much easier to see the chain on it.
Text is much harder.
Or use a court approved app if you do have children.
But that's one of the things that they will do.
They'll send you something that accuses you,
you know, I can't believe you.
Said that, did that, push me, you know,
that sort of thing.
So that's number one.
So they'll start telling their little flying monkeys.
They're little minions.
Long before that,
She was abusive to me.
He said this to me. She said this to me.
You know, and this is business related or personal, by the way
and they'll use the word abuse.
Even if it wasn't abusive,
they'll use the word abuse.
Even if you know,
let's say they pushed you down,
they did all this stuff, and all you did was,
like, get them off of you.
They'll say he restrained me.
He wouldn't let me go.
They'll totally turn it around.
So that you were the attacker,
you were the abuser,
they'll make it look like they're the victim,
they are enduring this.
You don't even realize that they've
been telling people these things maybe even for months,
maybe even for years
and so all of a sudden after the relationship is done,
you realize that all these people think that you
are abusive or either emotionally,
physically, or whatever.
Okay?
I do have a whole video on how
to shut down a narcissist smear campaign,
and you might wanna check that out.
I highly recommend that you check that out and right now,
I just want you to put shut them down in the comments
so that you can just start mentally getting yourself ready.
Shut them down.
Okay?
Because you can, you absolutely can.
It helped thousands of people personally,
millions of people through this channel.
You can do it too.
First thing you have to do is believe that you can.
No one can help
you if you don't believe that you can.
Alright?
You got this.
Even if you are super calm,
because they wanna make it seem like
there's something major happening.
They may even call the cops first.
you know, they may even call cops
and get them involved and say that you
were the aggressor
and make it seem like there was something
horrible happening even if they were the aggressor first.
They may call the police.
Get the police involved
even if they were the first aggressor
and say that you were and file a police report
even if they were the first aggresor and say that you were.
They may point to scratches on their arm
and all that sort of thing
because even if it was you defending yourself,
they'll make it seem like you were the one who was the problem.
I do have a whole video.
It's called do this to not react to narcissist.
I would definitely check that out as well
and, you know, make sure that you really,
really careful records of absolutely everything.
Super important.
You know, in my SLAY program,
I actually have the twelve areas
that you should be documenting
and I teach people how to do that,
you know, whether it's a business,
situation or personal situation.
I actually have a whole module on how to document properly.
But If you are just doing it on your own,
make sure you're just keeping really, really careful records.
Okay?
It will straight up
bald face, no problemo lie in court.
Yeah.
They will write it out,
give it to their lawyer.
Their lawyer will write it up for them,
file it in the court, sit there and lie in court.
Don't get too concerned about all of that when that happens.
I know some people get really
freaked out when that happen.
It is something that's deeply upsetting when that happens.
They do have to prove it.
But, you know, there you are on the defensive.
One of the things I want you to do is watch my video,
stop defending yourself, do this instead.
If they are writing you emails,
that you wanna defend yourself on, you know,
just write, I am in receipt of your correspondence,
I deny your allegations, you know,
whatever.
You don't need to respond
point by point by point by point by point
because that's just and they pull you
in and now you're stuck in the
mud with them and that's what they want you to do.
Don't get drawn in because then they're like
leading you by the nose and they get supply from that.
Don't allow yourself to be emotionally triggered by them.
That is exactly what they want.
You know, they want you to be emotionally triggered by them.
They get off on that. That gives them a high
and remember that anything that you
put your hand to is a potential trial exhibit.
Just remember that.
Just remember that when you get emotional and they get you yelling,
they get you screaming, they get you upset,
they get you hitting back
or they get you verbally assaulting them back
and all of that sort of thing.
It it also goes against you and that's what they want.
you know,
I mean, because then judges and the police,
they just see two people who are fighting.
They just see two people who can't handle themselves.
They just see two people who are emotional
and that's not what you want.
You want to be the one who's wearing the white cat.
You wanna be the one that's like, they're the aggressor.
They are the abuser.
They are the ones that are crazy.
They try to go do, they try to trigger you.
They try to get you upset. They try to trigger you.
They do everything they can to get under your skin.
because they do want you to look like the abuser.
They do want you to look like the crazy one
and, I mean, I've seen guys, you know,
they show up with their video equipment
and their camera equipment for visits,
you know, you know, to try to make the other
person get upset or whatever
and do whatever they can.
I mean, all kinds of crazy stupid stuff
to get the other person triggered and don't take the bait.
Do not take the bait when they do these things.
You know, just stay the course,
pretend like you're reporting the news,
don't allow yourself to get sucked
into the mud with them because if you do,
then they have you.
So stay away from that.
Stay on the outside of that and keep your records.
SLAY methodology absolutely does work.
That's what you have to do in order to beat them, in order to win.
So those are the f our ways that
narcissists make you look like the abuser
and what you can do about it.
If you haven't got my free
Crush my negotiation prep worksheet,
you can definitely do that now.
at winmynegotiation.com.
I highly recommend that you do that.
If you haven't, join my free private face book group.
I highly recommend that you do that,
Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung
and if you need more support
and you don't have your own support system
as far as a therapist.
I do have a partnership with
Betterhelp.com.
They are an online herapy service.
They do sponsor me.
I do receive a commission from them.
It doesn't cost you anything extra.
We only recommend services that we trust.
So if you do need therapy,
go get the support and help that you do need,
and you can get your help there by going to Betterhelp.com/RebeccaZung
So make sure that you do that if you need help and support.
Thank you so much for joining me.
Remember that today is a a great day to start negotiating your best life,
and I will see you in the next video.