The title of this one, it says up top --
Danny Green makes notes, and, like,
the title of what it is, it says, "Joe or Sal."
So you got Joe.
It could've been either one of us, but...
Danny thought either of us would do just a good enough job.
So...now's when you're going to swipe to the opening part?
♪♪
These are your questions, I answer them
because you used #AskAJoker.
And we enjoy that because not enough questions
are asked of us, you know?
People don't ever ask us anything.
So, I spend my days coming in here and just, you know,
shooting the stuff with you guys,
and you don't get enough of my answers on everything.
You know, you can find me on the web, the traffic cams.
You can find me on anything. I always assery --
I always answer your questions, okay?
So whatever you need to know.
Let's see what America wants to know.
Lily asks, "Joe, your foreign guy.
Where is he from?"
New York titty, greatest titty in the world.
"What do you imagine his backstory?"
Euh...
Ehh...
The, uh...
The Portu-- Portu-- Geh, north.
Noorth.
Ehh, he, eh, oh, eh, scared of,
oh, alone, oh, we fren.
Or he got, a, da, uh, Bangladesh.
Uhhhhh...
Grazi.
That's probably -- that sums it up.
Jennifer asks, "How many times have you slapped Sal?
Does it ever get old or is it better with age?"
Slapping Sal is the fine wine of my existence.
Stop.
Oh!
[ Laughter ]
Don't try harder.
Oh!
Tanya asks, "If you were a secret agent,
what would your name be?"
Um...
Conrad Goldweithe.
Entrepreneur.
In mixed metals.
And my sidekick?
Would be this guy -- Gehh, yoy, ya, gah...
Ba-bow.
That's my sidekick asking me if I need my weapon.
Uh, Conrad Goldweithe. That's nice, actually.
How would I spell "Goldweithe?"
G-O-L-D-W-E-I-T-H-E.
'Cause then it would be like, "What's your last name?"
Conrad Goldweithe.
You know, I did play Boris -- Boris von Sputnik.
Is Boris. Von Sputnik.
-And where are you from? -Mother Russia.
Might remember that guy.
That would probably be my archenemy.
Boris von Sputnik.
Um, okay.
Uh, "Joe, have you ever gotten sick
from everything you eat on set?"
Melly wants to know.
Uh, nah, I have a pretty good cast-iron stomach.
I will say this, though.
After I've lost the LBs -- down 35, thank you very much --
Svelte.
Um...
Less chins.
More chins.
Old Joe, new Joe.
Um, I can't really throw down the dozens of cannoli anymore.
I tried the other day and I got, like, a little nauseous.
Um... So, there's that.
Now you know. But if I'm forced into a corner,
I will eat the hell out of a cheesecake.
Magnus wants to know -- Magnus.
Your name is Magnus? You better be cool as hell.
"What are" -- That would be my spy name.
Magnus. What did I say my spy name was?
What Goldvan? Goldweithe?
Collin? Nobody's listening to me.
They don't give a [bleep] what I'm saying.
They just stand here with cameras.
they don't care what I've said. They don't listen to a word.
Dan Green is looking at his watch
and texting his family being like,
"I'm gonna late for dinner."
Um...
Truth.
Uh, what -- what's my -- Magnus wants to know,
"What's your biggest professional thrill in 2017?"
Had to be playing Madison Square Garden.
Walking out onto that stage with my daughter,
and the best part of it was, at home, she loves to sing karaoke,
and we have a fake microphone, and she sings,
"I'm Still Standing" from the movie "Sing."
She loves that song.
♪ I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
You know it?
♪ I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Now it's like two people sang it. So she loves that.
So she took the microphone from me,
and I said, "Do you want to come to work with Daddy?"
And she said, "Yeah," and she took the microphone,
and she just stood up there and was whispering
in the microphone going,
♪ "I'm still standing, yeah" ♪
It's an amazing, amazing moment.
Here's a great picture of it.
Look at that.
Look at that little sweetheart Milana. I love her.
Next one says, Jennifer, "Why don't you do an episode
in North Platte, Nebraska?"
Because who the [bleep] wants to go to North Platte, Nebraska?
Thank you so much for listening to me on #AskAJoker.
I'm Joe, America's third-favorite Joker.
I appreciate you guys, you're the best.
As always, watch us.
Thursday nights, we're back, Season 7, truTV at 10 PM.
Please follow us here, and this is on the Instagram,
and then this is Danny Green's home address.
Feel free to send
any handwritten messages and lingerie.
His wife loves when he gets stuff like that.
And, uh, follow me on Twitter @Joe underscore Gatto,
Instagram as well.
And that is all the time I have. I got to go back to being funny.
Love y'all.
"Perfect," Dan Green said. Did you guys get that?
He said, "Perfect."
Drop the mic. [ Speaking indistinctly ]