- Wanna go? 'Cause we can go right now, dog.
What's going on, brother?
- Man, what the hell are you doing man?
- What, what?
What, what?
I can bob and weave it.
- What?
- Your bitch ass, punk ass, mother (beep), let's go.
Come on man.
No, no, don't look at your boys, look at me, man.
Don't look at your boys.
Ow.
♪ I want you but I don't need you ♪
- Dad, dad.
Dad.
- Hey, what's wrong, man?
- I was having a nightmare.
- Aw, again?
You wanna talk about it?
- I miss mommy.
- Hey, I know, I know.
Me too, me too, pal.
Come here, man.
It's all right, hey, it's okay.
It's gonna be okay.
- I just don't want anything to ever happen to you.
- Happen to me?
Hey, come on man,
ain't nothing ever gonna happen to me.
- Really?
- Yeah.
That's what I said, so yes.
Nothing ever gonna happen to me.
You ain't never gonna have to worry
about nothing happening to me.
- What if you got hit by a car or something?
- That's impossible because I will never die,
so I can't die no matter what.
- You can't die?
But I thought all human beings died.
- That's true.
That's true.
That's science so that's true.
But I am lucky 'cause I'm not a human.
- You're not?
- I never told you about this?
- No.
- I'll just let it out. I'm from a planet called Filonias.
The thing is it was being destroyed.
- All right.
- That's what happened, my,
I was sent down here in a capsule to earth by my parents.
- Oh, like Superman.
- Superman, yep,
that is what, it is exactly like.
Except, oh, here's the thing
about my version, only one super power, immortality.
So I'm tired.
Daddy's tired.
Can you,
let's go to sleep.
- But I'm not gonna live forever, right,
because I'm only half alien.
So I'm gonna die.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- You?
You right about yourself,
but here it is,
this one slipped my mind.
You can build with me an immortality machine
to give you what I got
from the remnants of my spacecraft, so yeah.
You're gonna be immortal.
- When are we gonna get the remnants?
- Tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?
- Gonna get 'em tomorrow during work.
Hey, you got anything that looks like
parts of a crashed spaceship?
- Dead mom?
Mm-hmm.
Right this way.
(knocking on door)
- Hi.
Are you Earl Peele?
- Who the hell wanna know?
- I think I'm your son, Jordan Peele.
- Okay, I see.
Come on in here for a minute.
Close the door on the way in.
All right man, go ahead, have a seat,
I'm gonna explain something to you.
I ain't your dad.
Sorry to disappoint you,
but that's the situation, brother.
- Are you, do you see what's happening?
We're doing the same thing.
I always do this.
I always scratch the back of my neck like this
whenever I'm in an uncomfortable situation.
- Scratch my neck?
Everybody scratch their neck.
I breathe in and out too, man.
Now everybody my kid?
- Okay, look at this.
That's a picture of me when I was a baby,
that's my father.
- That ain't me.
Look man, look at that dude's afro.
I got this going on, man.
My hair is gray, he got black hair.
I mean he handsome as hell,
but I ain't nobody's daddy.
- I'm sorry.
Just been looking for him everywhere.
- Yeah, yeah, I feel you here.
- Just I got my own TV show now.
I don't know, I just, I know that wherever he is
he would be proud.
- You got your own TV show huh?
- Yeah, I'm producing and acting.
- Oh, you're producing and acting.
Okay, yeah, that's my boy.
Look at me, we're doing the same thing.
What is that?
Holy (beep).
That's genes right there, man,
'cause you can't do that
unless you're sharing mad genes with somebody.
It's got to be in your DNA.
You my son.
My baby boy.
- Thanks for your time.
- You come back home. I missed you so much little man.
- Stop.
Get off, get off.
Get off.
- Whoa, hey.
- When I first came to your door,
you wouldn't even acknow...
Okay, okay. You know what, when I first came in here.
- When I first came in here.
- Stop that. When I first came in here,
you wouldn't even acknowledge
that I could possibly be your son,
but now, only after I tell you
that I have my own show on Comedy Central-
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Comedy Central?
Get the (beep) out of my house.
- Hey, watch where the (beep) you going.
- Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
- Aw, I didn't see you had a baby there, man, I'm sorry.
I aint trying to fight nobody with a baby.
- Hell yeah you won't.
- Lucky mother (beep).
- Well you're lucky I'm carrying this baby.
- Look man, you need to move on, all right?
I already told you I'm not gonna fight you.
- That's what I thought, punk.
Wanna go? 'Cause we can go right now, dog.
What's going on brother?
- Man, what the hell are you doing man?
- What, what?
What, what? I can bob and weave it.
You bitch ass, punk ass, mother (beep), let's go.
Come on man.
No, no, don't look at your boys, look at me, man.
Don't look at your boys.
Ow.
Oh okay, you think you hard.
All right, but you know what,
I'm gonna show you what time it is now.
Slap me.
How about this.
Now what you gonna do?
You ready? 'Cause I can do it right now.
'Cause I can take you out man.
Ow.
Ooh.
Oof.
Okay, oh it's on now.
You're dead, you're dead.
Excuse me, I need this.
(speaking in foreign language)
- What the?
- What now man?
What now?
Let's go.
- You know what,
it's not even worth it man.
- Ah ha ha.
That's what I thought.
So keep walking.
Oh, okay that's vomit.
That is vomit.
- It turns out it wasn't a ghost at all,
it was my little sister hiding in the basement. (laughing)
She was going moo,
making the noises the whole time.
So...
- Oh shoot, I forgot his juice boxes.
- Oh.
- I will be right back. Will you be all right with Zachary?
- I think so.
So, Zachary, you know I'm gonna be marrying your mother,
and moving in soon,
and I just, I'm so excited to spend more time with you.
You know, I know that you had a hard time with your father,
and he spanked you,
and I just want you to know
that's not gonna happen with me.
And I promise I will never spank you.
Okay, that's...
Okay.
I know why you did that,
but I will never spank you
because I know that you still...
Oh, that's.
(laughing)
I don't know that there's anything I did
to deserve that.
Hey.
(laughing) You.
Okay, I'm gonna be real with you,
you can't go hitting people all right?
Oh, oh, oh.
I ain't coming back for that.
Fourth one.
All right, so we done?
We got that out of our system?
'Cause I know that this,
this isn't you.
Oh, I told you you weren't gon...
Oh, oh, come on.
That's unbelievable.
(indistinct talking)
I'm the good guy.
I'm the good guy, man.
Look, I'm never gonna spank you.
I'm not gonna be like your father.
I'm gonna be your friend.
You need to respect me, you understand?
You little shit.
(Zachary clapping)
- I will respect you, Charles,
if you play your role.
Now listen up,
I'm a bad, bad boy, Charles.
I don't need a (beep) friend.
So go ahead, marry my mommy, move in,
(beep) her as hard as you want,
just leave me the (beep) alone.
You do that, 11 years from now I'll be out of the house,
and we won't have any problems.
You don't, and I will break you.
Okay, Charles?
- How are we doing?
- I love him.
(Zachary laughing and clapping)
- Hello everyone, I'm Joseph Carmichael.
Otis is, was my father,
but we are not here today to mourn his death,
but to celebrate his life.
We knew Otis as a teacher,
a community leader, a role model,
a husband and a father.
Now, I thought it would be nice
to share something about him y'all may not have known.
When my father was younger,
he was an actor in Hollywood.
Going through my dad's things,
I found this reel of his work as an actor.
I haven't seen it yet,
but I thought it would be fun to watch here
with all of you today.
- Where are my pies?
Ribbles, where are the pies I put on my windowsill?
- Well I don't know missy,
why would anyone wanna steal one of your delicious
blueberry pies?
- Hey, see to it you shine those shoes up nice boy.
- Yes, sir, you best be believing I will.
I'll shine your shoes
blacker than my momma's booty. (laughing)
(yelling)
- Oh hell no.
- In 1964, my father marched
with Martin Luther King Junior
and Harry Bellefontaine along with other renowned
Civil Rights leaders.