My dad. He's a coach. He knows the game.
He's confident, he's smart,
witty, dynamic, vicious, brutal, vindictive.
A monster.
And he will win through intimidation
and forceful tactics if need be.
l'm not like that.
ln fact, l don't know anyone like that.
Do you?
So, Paul, what's on your mind?
Uh, actually, it's Phil.
You mean, it's not Paul?
No, it's Phil.
What's the difference? Come on. Spit it out.
Uh, here it is.
(Diana) Mike!
Hold this.
[footsteps approaching]
Oh, no. No, no, we do not allow smoking in the house.
l-l'm sorry, Mrs. Ditka.
Here, l'll get rid of it, honey.
Anyway, uh, l-l'm coaching my son's soccer team.
And--And l--l didn't know if you might be willing to help.
Soccer?
Actually, uh, l--l want you to assistant coach.
Your assistant coach?
You really don't know who l am, do you?
You're right. Silly idea.
l iust-- l iust need some help
and you're such a great coach.
My dad's gonna be riding me all season, so l just--
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho, your dad?
You mean l get to coach against your dad?
Well, yeah.
(Diana) Mike, l smell smoke!
Nobody's smokin'!
Mike! For Pete's sake!
So, like, it's me and you against your old man?
l mean, there are other teams.
Gotcha!
No smoking means no smokin'!
Okay, come on, Phil.
l'll throw this out the window, honey.
Uh, l-l'm sorry, Mrs. D.... l'm sorry.
You should be.
lt's a nasty, filthy habit.
Hey.
You can count me in.
Really?
Let's bring your old man down. Oh, great.
[people chattering]
(boy) Give me a drink.
lt's iust a great group. Okay, uh, Tigers.
[blowing whistle]
Look who's here.
l'll give you a hint.
Hall of Fame?
Chicago Bears?
Sammy Sosa?
No, no, no. Come on.
No, football.
Coached the 1986--
'85.
Uh, '85 Bears to a Super Bowl victory?
lt's Mike Ditka.
[people applauding] Yeah.
Do you know Sammy Sosa?
Hey, zip it, kid!
l'm a coach that knows about winning.
l'm gonna push you guys like you've never been pushed before.
Some of you are gonna wish l was dead.
lt's true.
l know it's a weird thought, but it's true.
l eat quitters for breakfast and l spit out their bones.
Delicious.
Now this is gonna be the hardest most difficult thing
you ever attempted in your entire life.
You know what when it's over-- It will get emotional.
When it's over... When it's over...
.. .yOU 9 UyS ale gonna be champions. Champions.
By God, you're gonna be champions.
All right, everybody up. Come on.
Come on, hands in.
Come on, everybody. Let's go out and kick some butt.
Here we go. On three. Let's have fun.
(all) One, two, three. Let's have fun.
''Let's have fun?'' What's that?
l just made it up.