Now, I believe you've prepared your own vows?
Yes, I was going to do an Addams Family themed rap,
but my beatboxer isn't here.
That's the only reason it's not happening.
So, Ames…
today has been a crazy day.
But I shouldn't be surprised,
because we've had a lot of crazy days.
There was our first date, our first kiss,
the first time you told me you loved me,
and the day you told me you would marry me.
Also, yesterday,
and the day before that, and the day before that,
because every single day
I get to be with someone as amazing as you
is crazy to me.
I love you,
and I'm worried about dancing
in front of our friends.
The end.
OK, well, I've been planning this wedding
for the last six months,
and if you told me yesterday
everything that was gonna go wrong,
I would have had a panic attack
that sent me into the ER.
But I'm here,
and I've never been happier.
Life is unpredictable.
Not everything's in our control,
but as long as you're with the right people,
you can handle anything.
And you, Jake Peralta, are the right person for me.
But I do have some bad news.
There is a bomb at this wedding as well.
-What? -Your butt.
Your butt is the bomb. There will be no survivors.
I love you so much. You're my dream girl.
I love you too.
I can't wait to spend
the rest of my life with you.
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered to join together this man
and this woman in holy matrimony.
It is said that marriage hath in it
less of beauty but more of safety
than the single life.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son,
and of the Holy Ghost,
Amen.
I now pronounce you man and wife.
Amy, you're up.
Sheldon,
when I was a little girl,
I used to dream about my wedding.
But, eventually, I stopped,
because I thought that day would never come.
And then, I met you.
From the first moment in that coffee shop,
I knew there was something special between us,
even though I did work on a study
that disproved love at first sight.
I loved that study the moment I read it.
Ironic, huh?
Clearly, it was wrong…
because I felt something that day
and those feelings have only gotten stronger with time.
I can't imagine loving you more than I do right now.
But I felt that way yesterday,
and the day before yesterday,
and the day before that.
Was that growth linear or accelerating?
Accelerating.
Oh, maybe we could graph it out.
Save something for the honeymoon.
Smart.
Sheldon…
I don't know what the future holds,
but I know that I've never been happier than I am
in this moment, marrying you.
Well, that was unexpectedly beautiful.
I might need a minute.
Amy…
I usually know exactly what to say…
but in this moment…
I have no words.
I guess…
I'm overwhelmed by you.
In a good way.
Not in the elevator in the haunted mansion way.
Even if I can't tell you now how I feel…
I will spend my life showing you
how much I love you.
So now, maybe it's time for the vows.
Alex.
OK. Piper…
-You wrote vows? -Hang on.
It's just because, you know I'm not good at this,
and I didn't wanna, like, ruin the surprise.
OK.
It's hard to know what promise I can make to you
that won't sound like a bunch of clichés
that people say at weddings,
so I wanted to make a promise that fits us,
considering the distance that we covered to get here
and how far we'll have to go
before we can be together again.
But to do that, I have to talk about something
that's uncomfortable to bring up.
There was a time
when I hurt you…
and I did something unforgivable.
And I don't think that I can express in words
the guilt
and regret that I feel
for having done that to you,
the person that I care about most.
So, my promise is to make it up to you
every day in small, quiet ways…
for the rest of our life together.
Hey, hey, hey.
I didn't say you could kiss the bride yet.
No, no, no, no. Let them kiss, you monster.
OK, so is it my… It's my turn?
The floor is yours.
I really wish I'd had some time to prepare.
This is so unfair.
When I was a little girl, I used to think…
Nope. No.
No, no. Act… OK.
-Here we go. -OK.
Life comes in moments.
Al, I don't even know what that means.
It's fine. Just… OK.
It's me, right?
So, what do you wanna say to me?
I want you…
to promise me…
that you'll get out of here.
I need you.
You're my partner.
Get out of here as soon as you possibly can,
so that I can be with you.
Do you promise me that you'll do that?
I will.
Though that's not really a vow.
It's more of a demand.
OK.
Then my vow is to wait for you.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's get ready to marry!
Yo, check it.
This is great.
At different moments during our time here,
we both thought that Tragic Mike over here
was our one true love.
And now, he is marrying whatever Janet is.
I suppose you're right. It is a bit strange.
I'd like to read a poem.
Janet, my digital queen
Janet, we can dare to dream
Send nude pics Of your heart to me
Jacksonville Jaguars Rule!
Jason, when I was rebooted and I lost all my knowledge,
I was confused and disoriented.
But you were always kind to me.
And according to the central theme
of 231,600 songs, movies, poems,
and novels that I researched for these vows
in the last three seconds,
that's what love's all about.
Does anybody here object to this marriage?
-Of course we do. -It's a terrible idea.
Overruled. Jason…
-Want me to be your wife? -Yeah.
-I want you as my husband. -Tight.
So, by the power vested in me by me,
I now pronounce us husband and wife.
We did it!
Can I kiss you or will I be electrocuted?
Only one way to find out.
Get some!
Go get it, girl!
I'm just going with it now.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you…
I'm gonna say something crazy.
OK.
Wanna marry me instead?
Just…
Greg seems great, but…
why not someone you've connected with?
Is that a yes?
…to be your lawfully wedded wife,
to have and to hold,
in sickness and in health,
in good times and in woe,
for richer, for poorer…