- Pleasure to meet you. The name's Bailey Sarian.
You see what I did there?
I was playing a character with a Benoit Blanc draw.
You may know me from my YouTube series
"Murder, Mystery & Makeup," my podcast "Dark History,"
or my Netflix collaboration
which you're watching right now, hi.
Today I'll be getting glam while watching "Glass Onion,"
the whodunit murder mystery follow up to "Knives Out."
Netflix asked me to watch the opening sequence
and share my initial hunches about like the key players
in this game of mystery.
This is "Case Closed" with me, Bailey Sarian.
- Hey, try to solve the murder mystery if you can.
- "Mysterious boxes are being delivered to select homes
across the United States.
We have intel that at least one recipient will be the victim
of a murder attempt."
Oh shit.
"Your job is to figure out how to open the box,
then identify the victim.
Potential victim list."
We got Birdie Jay up first. Hey Birdie.
"She's a model singer, entrepreneur.
Peggy, Birdie Jay's personal assistant.
Duke, men's rights YouTuber.
Claire, governor of Connecticut, senate candidate,
Lionel, science genius and he works for Miles."
And whose Miles?
Well, "Miles Bron is a tech billionaire.
Additional notes.
How many layers could an onion made of glass possibly have?"
(sings "Twilight Zone" theme)
I love onions.
I think I could legit eat an onion like an apple.
I know. Don't judge me, but like I think I could.
So I'm excited to see Benoit
back in action solving mysteries.
I mean he kills it, right?
- Subject to their approval. Ugh, hold on.
Hey. Oh shit, sorry. Let me uh...
- I like that she's wearing her pajama pants because same.
Ooh, she's rich.
- What's this?
- I don't know. I've got the CNN thing in like...now.
- "Love Miles." Who's Miles?
So we just met the politician woman. Claire, right?
She seems very frazzled, stressed, wealthy.
Probably has two shitty kids
'cause they're like running around screaming.
There's a bug on my forehead like a spider. Oh, shit.
(screams)
They're just crawling in my hairline.
Okay. I don't worry. I'm good.
And my nail fell off so...
it's a pretty good day you could say.
- Welcome to our office campaign center in kindergarten.
We are losing our minds.
- Your campaign is backed by billionaire philanthropist
Miles Bron, founder of the ubiquitous tech giant Alpha,
which now has dozens of companies.
- What is this situation? Looks like a, is that a spaceship?
What is it called? A rocket?
Gimme a break, you guys.
Because I'm trying to figure this out as I'm watching.
- I know, I know, I know. But what can I do?
- You can tell him no. - How about tell him no?
- Lionel, you're a scientist, not a publicist.
- Exactly.
- Now you know he's a scientist
because on the whiteboard behind him,
there's a bunch of numbers and charts.
Scientists love numbers and charts and lines and stuff.
- The man faxes me in the middle of the night.
He loves his faxes.
He sends me his ideas.
- He's talking about this billionaire guy
who faxes him stuff.
First of all, who faxes stuff?
That's suspish on its own.
I hope he dies.
- He's asking us to put a volatile substance
on a manned flight.
- He won't listen. He just says "Make it work."
And what if it works?
- At some point in your life,
you're gonna have a boss who sucks
and makes you do shitty things and that makes you look bad.
No, don't allow that.
Actually, sometimes it just happens and it's okay.
I don't know what my motivational speech was going with,
I don't know where I was going with that,
but it was gonna go somewhere positive.
So just pretend I ended that on a positive note.
- So bored. Peg!
Peg!
- I really like Birdie's overall glam.
Her home looks lovely.
I wanna go to her party.
So we just met Birdie Jay. She's a problematic queen.
She just seems like she has everyone like catering
to her and stuff and she probably like doesn't have
to do anything for herself.
She just gets drunk all day and sits in glam.
And honestly, goals.
- She's afraid that I will tweet an ethnic slur.
- Okay, so if she died, we wouldn't miss her too much.
- Again.
- We also met Birdie's assistant, Peggy. She seemed nice.
She did her job and got the box and told her not to tweet.
I bet you she's gonna be like the nice one.
She's already, I'm rooting for her.
- All right, genius. What is this thing?
- Well, it's a Miles invitation.
- Well, duh.
- Miles likes to fax people.
So why is he sending out boxes that are hard to open?
Maybe he's bored.
- It's solid. There's no latches or even visible seams.
The wood grain pattern's weird though.
- I think in the box is gonna be an invitation to a party.
I would just probably like try and blow it up
or maybe get a saw, power drill, something.
I think Lionel will open the box first 'cause he's smart.
He's got the brains. Everyone else is a dim wit.
- Now is this a Miles thing?
Have you figured out how to open it, Lionel?
Lionel, use your science brain.
- [Bailey] How do they all know each other?
Birdie and Claire probably like best friends at some point.
And Claire, Birdie got famous and Claire went into politics.
And then Lionel, he's a scientist and he's smart.
Why is he hanging out with these two?
Lionel, get away from them.
- I do not hate boobs.
Boobs give us many useful things.
Boobs give us milk, cheese.
Let's be honest, boobs are fun.
- Duke is a total douche.
He's one of those dudes who's like... He's macho, sexist.
But they were talking about highly about boobs.
And I do too, also, love boobs.
I think boobs are great.
- Dukey, I've been calling you.
You gotta answer me when I call!
- [Duke] Mom!
- I think his mom is a real nice lady
who raised a very inappropriate young man.
She probably babied him way too much.
So he's just a big mama's boy.
Don't ever date mama's boys. They're the worst.
- As I told you, when me and Whiskey are live,
you gotta let us-
- I may have participated in dating a mama's boy
and it was the worst experience ever.
- Sensitive to heat.
- Oh wait, it's Duke. Hold on. Duke!
- [Duke] Hey, what is this thing?
- How do they all know each other? Are they family? Hmmm?
No. This is very puzzling.
- My mom already broke it.
- It's a stereogram.
- His mom got it open.
- [Claire] Wait a stereogram. Were those those things-
- [Claire's Husband] Magic eye things. I can never do those.
- I remember stereograms in like elementary school.
You know, you just stare at them forever, feel like a moron
'cause you can't figure it out.
And everyone's like, "I see a turtle"
and you're like, "Me too."
I would've never been able to get this box open.
Puzzles and like solving like this kind of riddle shit?
Yeah, I don't think I'd be a good detective.
I'm good at makeup.
(laughs)
- It's a chess board. This is a chess endgame.
So it's set up for a mate and one. Should I?
- Do it, Kasparov.
- You know, I always kind of admire people
who could solve these kind of things
'cause how do you get good at those things?
- Wait, wait. The tapper thing is from Morse code.
The Xs and Os are dots and dashes.
- Do I know Morse code?
No, but I remember learning about it.
(taps on table)
Just be like, "Hey."
- [Claire] N maybe stands for something.
Maybe in one of the other puzzles.
- What does the N stand for? Onion? It ends with an N.
I think I'm getting really close to you guys. Onion.
- It's a compass.
- Ma. - Oh, north. Not onion.
I was close.
Duke's mom is out here just solving mysteries.
Like not even thinking twice about it. Good for her.
Dude, moms kind of know a lot.
We're like, "Shut up, mom."
But like moms always come through with the answers.
So annoying.
(music box playing)
- (gasps) It's music. Guys, it's music. It's music.
- Are you mocking me?
- Yes. - Okay. Ha ha.
- Now music's playing.
So this is when Birdie's gonna know some shit. Watch.
She's gonna be like, "Oh my God. I know that song.
I sung it at my birthday party last year."
Oh, shit. Whoops. Too much blush.
- [Lionel] See the center wheel? Lift it up.
- They all have like their own things that they're good at,
they're knowledgeable in.
So they're all playing
and working with each other really nicely.
Feels like they gotta be close to opening the box.
I mean, it's been hours, days, months. I'm just kidding.
I think it's only been like a couple minutes, but still.
- All together now. 1, 2, 3.
- [Bailey] They're making some progress, right?
(cinematic music)
- [Lionel] Look at that.
- [Bailey] So Netflix just gave me a little invite.
"My dearest friends, my beautiful disruptors,
my closest inner circle.
We could only use a moment of normalcy.
And so you are cordially invited for a long weekend
on my private island."
Why don't I have friends with private islands?
It's not fair. I've tried looking for them.
I don't know where they are. Probably on their island.
"And I hope your puzzle solving skills are whetted
because you will also be competing
to solve the mystery of my murder."
Send me to your island. I will go.
A murder mystery party? Absolutely.
I might die? Ugh, honey, where do I sign up?
- Where's my spear gun? I gotta pack. Babe, get packed.
- So now that I've met all the characters,
I think Miles is gonna kill them all
because they all kind of have something bad about them.
Oh, I bet you it's gonna be like Willy Wonka
and they're all gonna go
and they're all gonna get into some kind of trouble and die.
Like one's gonna eat chocolate
and another one's gonna chew gum and stuff.
Bet you money. Bet you $5.
Look, you guys. My eye keeps watering. It's pissing me off.
But, you know, it's good. This is a cute look.
Yeah, I pulled in some gold on my eyes.
I've got like this nude kind of like porn star-ish lip.
It's cute. I like it.
This is not a vacation look.
But if someone invited me to their island right now
and was like, "Come right now,"
absolutely this is a vacation look.
Anything's a vacation look if you just believe.
I think I could legit eat an onion like an apple.
(onion crunching)
- So good, bitch. Come on.
Mm mm mm.
Cleans out the sinuses. Here it goes.
It's great.
I hear it's like good for you.
Well, I don't wanna finish this on camera, but I will.
I'm crying. The onions got me.
Ooh, I love onions.
Anyways, I'm really excited to keep watching this movie.
"Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery" is now on Netflix, baby.
Share your predictions in the comment section down below.
And don't forget to come back here after you watch
and tell me in the comments
whether my predictions were right.
I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say no.
But I'm trying really hard. I am .
No, I won't take another bite. Not yet.
Thanks for peeling this onion with me.
Until next time, my friends. Goodbye.
(light spooky music)