What's the difference between subconscious and unconscious?
"Unconscious" is when you do something unconsciously, but you're conscious,
and "subconscious" is when you're in a submarine.
Group hug!
Hi guys, and welcome to the Internet
So, let's have a discussion
Yesterday, you told me about a girl - Mm
- ... who had been cheated on by her boyfriend of five years
- Yeah, I read this on twitter
- And decided the ultimate form of payback - Mm hm
- ... was to ghost herself
- No, she didn't ghost herself. She ghosted her boyfriend.
- I was obviously listening when you told me the story - She ... She ghosted her boyfriend
- She ghosted her boyfriend - As in, as in she became but a ghost to her boyfriend
- Right, so ... - She disappeared out of his life
- Talk to me about the concept of ghosting
- Okay, well, basically,
This is all from twitter - Yeah
- She caught her boyfriend naked in bed with his ex - Right
- And he didn't hear her 'cause they were asleep - Right
- So she'd come to wake him for breakfast, apparently, with, like, a game and breakfast – ideal girlfriend –
and she left it on the side with her key
- She needs to call me
- Yeah ... Oh
And she went and sat in a car, and she deleted all her social media, and ... - Right
- ... she got all her friends to block him off social media - Right
- And then she changed her number
Never saw him again
- So this leads me to my question
If I were – God forbid, and I would never do it – to cheat on you
- You cheat on me? - I cheat on you
- What ha ... What's the degree?
There's so much going on here, like ... - Hold on a minute. Are you saying that some forms of cheating are more acceptable than others?
- Yeah! Obviously sleeping is worse than not sleeping with someone
- This or this?
- Ph ... Getting physically intimate
Right? And then ... - What about tickling?
- I mean, it's not as bad
And then ... - But it's up there?
You see, if you cheated on me, no matter what the degree, big or small,
even tiny, minuscule, can't even see it unless you have some kind of microscope
I would probably do the whole ... - Ghosting - ... ghosting ...
Hm, actually, wait
- But you're on the internet. - First I would ...
- You job is weekly content ... - Yeah ... First I would tarnish you name
uh, drag that through the mud, um ...
And then I'd probably get all my followers to unfollow, um ... - [Sigh]
- ... and, and see that sort of, like, difference in ...
- You doesn't have to write Lemonade 2, Wony - I would write Lemonade 2. It would be called Cream Soda
Cream Soda would be so full of shade - But it's not, it's no Lemon ... The point of Lemonade is that "when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade"
- Ah, when life gives you cream,
... you get itchy.
So it would be the ultimate form of, um, hurt - But I can drink cream soda. It doesn't have any cream in
- Okay, I'll think of something else, then, Rosie.
- We know someone who's cheated ... on someone we know - Do we?
- Do we? - Yeah
And we were gonna hire a private detective, weren't we - Oh, that person
- Yeah, and I'm still, I'm still considering it
- Wait a minute, I'm actually offended. Why on earth would you hire someone when you've got a P.I. right here?
I did a lot in that situation to try and work out the truth. A lot - Yeah
- I didn't do a lot. I just, I ... - No
- You didn't go anywhere, or leave the house ...
- One thing I did do was try to Amazon Prime a pipe that I could blow bubbles out of.
Brubbrles - Can you get that?
Do they exist? - Well, apparently you can't!
Do you know what I bought in Costa Rica? - What?
- I bought some crystals
- I bought some cwystals - I know, but this story is about me and me only
- I found them first!
- I have never felt so rejuvenated,
so young ...
motivated ...
... and happy ... - Yeah?
- ... since I was, like, 28.
- I tried to push a fart out, but I worried it would be poo so I stopped
while you were talking
- How do you feel about wearing your glasses in this video?
I knew you were quite self-conscious about it, aren't you? - I don't, I don't like it ...
- It's all right, no one can see them on your face
- I had a, I thought I had a scratch on my eye
and I went to the eye doctor and he gave me some eye drops
and then I poked myself in the eye with my eye drops
And then I stabbed myself in the eye with my mascara brush. All in my bad eye
- Sometimes Rosie wants to kiss me
- "Sometimes"? Every day. - ... which is great, because I also want to kiss her
But what I've learned –
because I'm a bisexual whisperer –
is that if you slightly keep them at bay
their interest peaks - Rose dies when I kiss her
She just does this ...
- You said to me once, when you used to kiss your ex-boyfriend
- When he was angry at you and didn't kiss you back, it drove you mad
- Yeah, but that's when he was angry at me, ... - Why was he always angry at you, Rosie?
I tend not to give you much back sometimes
because you want it more, and I enjoy that - No, I don't want it more
Look, can we show them what you do? - Yeah
- You have to face me a bit
- ♫♫♫
Oh, hi Rosie
- You steamed on my glasses
- Basically, I like to give you a variety of different kisses so it doesn't get boring
So we've got number one:
the one where I don't react and do anything
Number two, we've got tiny little cat butt mouth,
- Yeah, you would do this - ... okay? Which, which is this:
Kiss me
- I hate when you does
- I sing this one tune when Rosie kisses me because for some reason it makes her laugh
And it goes like this
♫♫♫
And that is our kissing tune
I like to call this the delayed response
So Rosie thinks I'm going in for a kiss
when actually I'm doing it really super slowly, like this
Let's put it back there
And back in we go
Why don't we do the ex challenge? - Okay
- I'm sure this is a tag
- Or was it a tag? Not a challenge ... - I watched ... Yeah, I watched Cammie and Joanna's - Mm
- 'Cause they obviously did have a relationship - Yeah, a sexual one. Yeah.
- Yeah. I've asked if it was more than once, but they say no - No, they said yes
- Did they? - Yeah, they said yes
- Oh - They said it was more than once
- I watched Jammie's Ex-girlfriend Tag
- Yeah - ... and I thought, okay, well, let's do the ex-girlfriend tag together
- But I'm bi, so it'll have to be the ex-girlfriend and boyfriend tag
- No one cares for that. But because we were once ex-girlfriends
- Oh - We could do this totally fine.
Or we can talk about our previous partners. Whatever you're more comfortable within that ...
Time permitting for you
In your last relationship - Before you - Before me
Who did the breaking up?
- They did - Oh no
- Twice. - Oh
How long did it take you to bed someone else? - Not long at all, probably ...
- Who was that someone? - I don't wanna say
- Oh, I thought it was me
- No, you didn't! - Yes I did!
It was only three months, and you slept with me
- It wasn't you
You know it wasn't you - No, I don't
- You did - No, I didn't. This is new information.
NEW INFORMATION - It's not
- Next question. We'll talk about that later
Is there anything about your ex-partner ... - Mm hm
- ... that you miss? - No. Nothing. Not one thing - Nothing? Not a single thing?
- No. - Really? - Yeah
- I believe that we are with everybody for a reason
- Yeah - ... and it, it brings us to the next person
- Yeah, I agree with that
- Just took you the long route, didn't it? Like a detour
Like there was a diversion - Mm
- Then another diversion. Then, like, a traffic accident
- Is there anything that your ex used to do - Yup
- ... that I don't do that you ... lack?
- Emotionally abuse me
- I mean, in the bedroom, how do we compare?
Tell me!
- Um ... In what way?
I don't feel like they can be compared because the situation is so different
- I don't like that
- I'll try again. - [Clears throat]
- I think they can be compared.
- If the bedroom skills were posters,
which one would you have framed on the wall?
- Yours. - Mm hm
That is the answer ... - Interesting analogy.
- Yeah. I mean, it's ... - It's not the funnest, is it?
- I think it was a simile.
- Really? - Mm
- It wasn't a si, sim ... It was not a simile. - But I said "if they were ..."
Is it a simile ... - It's "like" or "as" - Oh, I thought that %#&@
If it makes you really uncomfortable talking about our real exes, why don't we talk about our, um, fake exes?
So, do you remember that time I dated, um ...
Ally Hills? Probably not the best example. I'll do another one.
Um, do you remember that time I dated, um ...
Joanna?
- No, 'cause I ... Was that ... - Is that not a good example, either?
Is that too close to home, too? - Was that the same time I was dating Joanna?
- It was actually the same time Cammie was dating her
- Oh, what ... So when did I come come in?
- Ah, you didn't - I was dating her before you. - You came in but we asked you to swiftly leave.
- I read that by thirty, your brain and lungs and heart have already slowed down considerably from your twenties
- Mm - And I read that you should get up earlier
... when you're thirty - Why did your boyfriend leave you?
Can't remember
I'm not even remotely close to thirty yet, you know?
- How ... Yeah ... No?
No. - No. Not remotely close.
I've got, like, six months, right? What's the date?
- January
- February, March, April, May, June. All right, five months. Who's counting? Not me.
Five months. Five months left of being 29. Not worried in the slightest
Do you know what I'm gonna do when I'm 30? - What?
- I'm gonna have a group of friends.
- Right
- Although that hasn't actually happened in my twenties, so ...
Oh my god, I have to talk to you about this.
Lately, Rosie has requested
that not only do I tuck her in at night,
but I prepare – now wait for it –
Hot. Milk. - But you didn't do the hot milk
- First of all, you're intolerant to milk - Fake milk, which is ... Almond milk's milk
- Why do you want me to tuck you in at night? - So I feel wuved. Why did you sleep in the other woom?
- Yes?
- I need to poo
Will you be teacher?
And let hot milk?
Last night we're in bed - Yes
- And you know there's that robot woman called Sophie.
The one who used to bald, but now she's got a wig on. She's ... - I think people are gonna know who it is
- Okay, the robot called Sophie.
And Rose went to me,
"Robot Sophie's the most important woman in the world right now."
And that was it. Just, like, as a fact.
And I was like, "First of all: No, she's not"
- Do you know what my bot would do? - What?
- It would help me solve crime
We'd have an office, and I'd be like,
"Bot, this just in:"
"We've got a case we need to crack."
"Bot, take clothes off. We've got some time."
- Hey, Siri, teach me a big word.
"Auspicious".
- Ah, okay. I'll use that in a sentence.
My new bot and partner in crime is called "Auspicious".