Dear Thay, dear sangha,
almost a year ago, we had an adviser
who told us,
it was short after my husband and I got married,
that my husband wasn't a real man, and I wasn't a real woman.
He told us that we should take a course to become a man and a woman.
That has caused a lot of trouble in our relationship,
and we got completely lost.
My husband tried to be someone he wasn't,
and I tried to become a woman, not knowing what a woman should be like.
It got worse and worse, and caused a lot of trouble for our relationship.
And ever since, I have asked myself the question,
What makes a man a man? What makes a woman a woman?
Apart from the physical differences.
Is it important to know the difference in a loving relationship?
And in case you've got children, what do you teach your child?
When it is a girl, or when it is a boy?
(German)
(Thay): Be beautiful, be yourself.
(Laughter)
We have to accept what we are.
A lotus is beautiful as a lotus.
She does not have to become a rose in order to be beautiful.
To be a gay, or a lesbian is equally beautiful.
We should not be caught by words and notions.
Everything that we see
manifests the wonders of God, of the ultimate reality.
We have to deal with everyone, everything
with the deepest kind of respect.
People say that I am a man, but I am not sure.
(Laughter)
Because I behave very often like a mother.
(Laughter)
My disciples see in me
a father, a teacher, and a mother at the same time.
And I enjoy being a mother.
(Laughter)
So let us not be caught by words and concepts.
In Buddhism we have the word 'suchness'.
It means, the reality as it is.
You cannot use any concept or any word in order to describe it.
So we should not listen to those people
who give us that kind of advice,
and lose our joy, and our happiness.