Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
'Nice to see you too old buddy'
A whole bunch of you have been asking us to review Galaxy of Terror
and we've been kinda ducking it because...
It's Alien.
'What a magnificent piece of work'
But it's not Alien.
'Damned if you do and damned if you don't'
Roger Corman instantly saw the potential of a low budget B Movie Alien rip-off because after all,
Alien is inspired by so many low budget B Movies.
'Those are the facts.'
And he ups the ante pretty well with effects that really hold up.
So, a rescue ship investigates the fate of another ship...
'Doesn't look friendly out there, but you should be able to breathe.'
Should? How about you call back when you're certain!
'I got you here, the rest is up to you.'
They find the crew all dead.
But they are unable to leave, held by a strange field emanating from a nearby pyramid.
'We gotta find the source of the field'
and when they investigate...
People die.
Boy do they die.
Unlike Alien this has no rhyme or reason, some crew members are simply killed by an alien...
others are killed by their own suddenly sentient weapon...
wielded by their own severed arm...
Robert Englund is attacked by himself.
Something he hastens to tells us just in case we missed it...
'Fighting myself;'
and of course in the film's best known scene, this poor woman is assaulted to death by a giant worm.
Her friends find her later...
Yeah, don't check for a pulse or anything.
'You're a fool.'
It's as if someone sat down and said,
let's come up with horrid ways to kill people then string them together into a story.
'If it weren't so gruesome it'd be fascinating'
Although, as you may have guessed, 'story' is pushing it.
'I feel absolutely nothing at all'
The bulk of the film is them aimlessly and fruitlessly exploring the pyramid
whilst getting killed and spouting ludicrously on the nose dialogue.
'I hate this place. I HATE IT!'
Really? That's odd. She doesn't like the place where her friend was killed by a giant worm -
It's telling dialogue like that that provides a window to the soul of the character.
'I'm not sure'
Besides the blood and guts...
'Blood, no guts.'
There's guts.
The only reason to keep watching is finding out what the hell is going on.
'It was my own fear that attacked me'
No it was yourself.
‘A children's game'
What?
'A brilliant initiatory toy for the children of a vanished race to see their deepest fears'
So Erin Moran's character is claustrophobic, so she is squeezed to death...
and the girl with the giant worm...
'I hate worms'
Because they might have sex with you?
'This is insanity'
Is it possible the filmmakers deepest fear was making a movie without any gratuitous nudity?
'Wonderful, just what we need'
Yeah, that seems more likely.
'Maybe it's just my nerves'
Frankly, any connection to people's deepest fears is pretty damn tenuous.
'Damn you why?!'
Good question, and things only get worse as the ending goes all existential.
The whole thing has been a test to find a replacement for the mysterious Master who runs the universe.
'You wanted me to kill you and I have'
Begging two questions:
with the whole universe to choose from, why did it have to be one of these guys?
'I wonder why the master put me in command of this mission.'
and even if it had to be one of them, why bother with the test?
It's obvious who it's going to be because all the others have severe emotional problems and/or a fear of worms.
'Aren't you afraid?'
'Too scared to be'
On bright side, I've completely forgotten that this ever had anything to do with Alien.
Our deepest fear is you not subscribing, you personally, so do that now.
Then tell us your deepest fear and how you might get killed in the perplexing pyramid of giant worms and multiple Englunds.
Thanks for watching.
Let's fix the ship and go home.