it's been a long time coming
i owe you an apology i've made a severe
and continuous lapse in my judgment
i just want to say sorry i want to talk
to you guys
in this video it's been so long the
youtube apology and its inherent
disingenuousness
has become its own genre to the point
that people are cosplaying as them the
apology video is such a part of our
zeitgeist that public relations
professional
hunter frederick went on the record to
advise the key to a good apology video
is authenticity and owning up to the
mistakes made it also helps in the
youtube sense to turn monetization off
so it doesn't look like a money grab
bad apology videos are longer than 10
minutes he says
and overly emotional videos tend to get
lost with the viewers
i have no shame in admitting i have
watched like hours and hours of apology
videos
i think there's something inherently
fascinating about them which is probably
why they rack up so many views
but almost all of the ones that i've
seen are pretty emotionally manipulative
the only exception in my opinion being
jenna marbles
who made a 47 minute video genuinely
taking accountability for her lack of
knowledge of how to take care of a fish
incredibly sorry it did not mean to
disappoint anybody
or make anyone mad or do wrong by any
animals so
again i really apologize and
i hope that if you're looking into
getting some fishies just don't do what
i did
just don't don't do it and her 12-minute
video acknowledging the racist things
she's done in her past
but that was never my intention it's not
okay
it's shameful it's awful i wish it
wasn't part of my past
and the reason i think jenna's apology
videos are genuine is because she
doesn't try to make excuses for her
behavior
she actually seems to reflect on how
it's problematic own up to it and vow to
do better
i mean i don't know jenna personally but
from what we can see of her behavior
post apology online
she does what she says even when it's
leaving her channel to reflect on how
she can move forward
i'm not sure that i want to continue
doing stuff on this channel
and i don't want to put anything out in
the world it's going to hurt anybody
so i need to be done on the other hand
most of the apology videos i've seen
have the tell-tale signs of emotional
manipulation
a huge one being excessive crying
i mean there are compilation videos
online where people edit down an apology
video to just the crying
and sometimes it's two to five minutes
which is an odd choice when the video
has been clearly edited and you could
have taken all of that out
i mean i think it's fine to say you were
crying i was like sobbing all day on
thursday
but to showcase full minutes of you
sobbing when you're supposed to be
taking accountability for something
that's called weaponizing your tears and
trying to gain the sympathy and
forgiveness of your audience through
emotional manipulation you mean
so much more to me than that you guys
are worth so much more than that and you
guys are my family
these videos also heavily dodged
responsibility often placing it on a
third party
as a result of all of the poisonous lies
that were fed to me
by shane dawson and jeffree star or on
their humanity and imperfection
i'm an imperfect person i have no
emotional
outlets in my real life but i'm not
strong all the time
now years later i look back at that and
i've talked about this before but i when
i say i hate
that person i mean it in the most
intense way possible
i hate that person so much that person
was
filled with sadness filled with anger
about their own issues uh in the closet
constantly uh projecting on others
just like i don't know just that that
person is someone who
i don't like seeing or you know they
acknowledge some agency but still
they're ultimately a victim too yes i'm
a grown woman
i'm smart i can usually spot deceit and
manipulation a mile away
but my guard was down from being
heartbroken and i allowed myself to be
worked by shane
jeffrey and others it feels especially
duplicitous
when the apologizer follows up with some
public charity move that is so
obviously damage control for anyone
watching i want you to know you are not
alone
and most of the time crisis passes so if
you or anyone you know feels alone or
trapped i encourage
anyone to call or even text the suicide
or crisis hotline one girl even made an
apology video
for her apology video which is an
inception that i don't think needs to
exist
and the reason why these videos don't
ring true for us is because we can sense
that there's no intention on the
apologizer's part
to change their behavior it's a
performative purely self-preservation
move and now that i said that i'm gonna
take accountability for my actions
i really hope that you'll like comment
and subscribe
and if you forgive me i also have some
new merch
so i hope you buy that too
hey anna wraps what we're putting in
lunch orders like now
oh okay um um uh can you order me the
salmon truffle sashimi and a green salad
dressing on the side
uh okay uh where was i you're at the
part of the scripts where you cry for
like 20 seconds
okay okay
but i think what we can learn from the
youtube apology video phenomenon
is something that we often overlook in
our own personal lives i mean how often
have you gotten into a conflict with
like a family member
a friend or a partner and the
problematic behavior in question
whether it's perpetuated by you or them
keeps repeating itself
time and time again an apology with no
intention
or action or reflection to fix the root
of a behavioral problem
is basically taking an l so the other
person shuts the hell up
whether it's intended or not apologies
without changed behavior can be
manipulation
and we know this we've probably done
this as early as when we were kids
like when we said oh we're so sorry next
time we'll for sure do our homework
before we go outside and play
we've had this done to us in
relationships when someone chronically
cheats and they promise
it's never gonna happen again and
they're so sorry they hurt you
we may even have this in our family
dynamic when we have a parent who
promises to show up this time
and when this time doesn't happen they
ask for forgiveness and another chance
for the record i don't think anyone's
bad i don't think anyone does this to be
a bad person
i think it's really rare to meet someone
who's actually trying to inflict harm on
someone else
but intention doesn't matter as much as
impact
you know i could intend not to kill
someone but if i do it do you think my
apology is gonna make a difference
sorry okay i'm sorry it was an accident
just wake up and next time i promise
i'll stop choking you when you asked me
to
i mean to be fair you didn't ask me you
just like kind of looked at me you
didn't say anything
i mean you were being choked but like
still i'm sorry maddie just wake up
and this is the difference between a
genuine apology and one that's
manipulative
are we willing to examine ourselves and
the issue at hand
if we're the person who's hurting
someone are we willing to put down our
defenses and hear them
and more importantly are we willing to
put in the effort to change because i
mean we're all going to mess up
one point or another i mean we have
hurtful biases and behaviors and
patterns and conflict in this world is
inevitable
but the only thing in our control when
that conflict happens is how we choose
to react
how we choose to integrate that into our
lives moving forward and how genuine we
can be
when we say i'm sorry and i promise i'll
do better i'm anna akana and thank you
so much to the patrons for sponsoring
this video
also thank you to squarespace for
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