>> Larry: THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
NO, NO.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WELCOME.
WELCOME TO THE NIGHTLY SHOW, I AM YOUR HOST, LARRY!
>> YEAH.
SECOND EPISODE, MAN, I MEAN THAT WAS A LOT OF FUN LAST NIGHT.
IT WAS SO MUCH FUN.
I MEAN I COULD BARELY GET TO SLEEP LAST NIGHT.
I WAS SO PUMPED.
I CAME INTO THE OFFICE TODAY TO GET MY THINGS AND EVERYONE WAS
HERE AND I WAS LIKE, WAIT, ARE WE DOING THIS AGAIN? I GUESS
THAT IS WHAT NIGHTLY MEANS.
I DIDN'T KNOW.
WE GET TO DO IT AGAIN. THIS IS SO MUCH FUN.
ALL RIGHT.
SO WE ARE TALKING ABOUT COSBY AND THE HURRICANE OF HORRORS
STILL SWIRLING AROUND HIM.
NOW MOST, MOST RECENTLY NOTED GIRL, LENA DUNHAM, TOOK HIM DOWN
WHEN SHE COMPARED BEING OBSESSED WITH THE COSBY SITUATION TO
BEING OBSESSED WITH THE HOLOCAUST.
NOW, NOW, HOLD ON, HOLD ON, TO LENA'S CREDIT SHE DID APOLOGIZE
RIGHT AWAY.
BUT UNFORTUNATELY, IT WASN'T BEFORE A SURVIVING MEMBER OF THE
HITLER FAMILY, GRANDSON CHIP HITLER RELEASED THIS STATEMENT.
ALL OF THE HITLERS JOIN ME IN CONDEMNING LENA DUNHAM FOR
COMPARING OUR GRANDFATHER'S ACTIONS TO THOSE OF BILL COSBY.
HOWEVER, WE ALL APPLAUD THE BRAVERY OF THE ASS (BLEEP)
EPISODE OF GIRLS.
>> CHIP HITLER'S GOT A POINT.
BUT CRITICISM ISN'T STOPPING COSBY.
COSBY HAS BEEN PERFORMING THROUGHOUT NORTH AMERICA AS PART
OF HIS FAR FROM FINISHED TOUR.
QUICK NOTE TO BILL COSBY'S PRESS TEAM.
IF YOUR CLIENT IS BEING ACCUSED OF BRUTAL ASSAULTS ON A WEEKLY
BASIS, MAYBE DON'T SAY HE'S FAR FROM FINISHED.
JUST A LITTLE TIP.
NOW -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> WATCH THE LANGUAGE THERE.
ALL RIGHT? NOW, COSBY'S TONE-DEAF COMEDY JAM ATTRACTED
PEOPLE BOTH FOR AND AGAINST THE COZ.
>> NO MORE JOKES! NO MORE JOKES.
>> HE PROBABLY HAS $20 BILLION AND THEY ARE PROBABLY AFTER
THAT, I AM SURE.
>> IT'S FUNNY HOW ALL THESE PEOPLE COME OUT ALL THESE YEARS
LATER AND THERE'S NO WITNESSES, NOT EVEN A POLAROID.
>> Larry: SO THIS GUY ONLY BELIEVES THINGS IF THEY WERE
SHOT ON A POLAROID? OH, GREAT DEPRESSION? I DON'T THINK SO.
WHERE'S THE POLAROID? AND HIS KID'S LIKE, WHAT DO YOU MEAN I
SMELL LIKE WEED, DAD? WHERE'S THE INSTAGRAM.
LIKE THE WORST QUESTION EVER.
THE BETTER QUESTION IS WHY AREN'T PEOPLE LISTENING
TO THESE WOMEN? BECAUSE MOST OF THIS ALLEGEDLY HAPPENED SO LONG
AGO? IS IT BECAUSE SOME OF THEM WENT TO COSBY'S HOTEL ROOM
ALONE? IS IT BECAUSE THERE ARE NO POLAROIDS? IS IT BECAUSE
HE IS SO FAMOUS OR JUST BECAUSE THEY
ARE WOMEN? BECAUSE I WOULD SAY ENOUGH HAVE COME FORWARD.
I MEAN THE CURRENT TALLY STANDS -- THE CURRENT TALLY STANDS AT
35 WOMEN.
REALLY, FOLKS.
HOW MANY MORE DO WE NEED? 35 ALLEGATIONS.
LET'S UNDERSTAND THIS NUMBER.
OKAY? THAT'S LIKE IF BILL COSBY DRUGGED AND RAPED EVERY SINGLE
U.S. PRESIDENT FROM GEORGE WASHINGTON TO JOHN F. KENNEDY.
>> DUDE.
BUT GROVER CLEVELAND WAS ASKING FOR IT, YOUR HONOR.
BAH.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HOW HE WAS DRESSED.
WITH THE TWIRLY MUSTACHE AND THE 18 NINETIES BAH, BAH, BAH.
I JUST REALIZED GROVER CLEVELAND ACTUALLY HAD TWO NONCONSECUTIVE
TERMS SO BILL COSBY WOULD HAVE HAD TO DO IT TWICE.
>> NOW TO BE FAIR, NOW TO BE FAIR, THE NUMBER IS CHANGING SO
QUICKLY THAT THERE ARE CONFLICTING REPORTS ON WHETHER
THE TOTAL REALLY IS 34 OR 35, BUT IF THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 34
AND 35 WOMEN MATTERS TO YOU PLEASE (BLEEP) OFF FOREVER.
>> REALLY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Larry: AND, LOOK, GUYS, I
KNOW EVERYONE IS PILING ON COSBY, INCLUDING ME BUT I WILL
TELL YOU WHAT, JUST THINK IF COSBY DIDN'T DO IT.
OKAY.
WE ARE DONE.
THAT'S ALL WE NEEDED.
LOOK, WHAT I AM SAYING IS REGARDLESS OF WHETHER COSBY WAS
INNOCENT OR GUILTY IT SEEMS LIKE IT IS IN POOR TASTE FOR HIM TO
CONTINUE HIS COMEDY TOUR, THE WORST PLACE TO ADDRESS THESE
ALLEGATIONS IS FROM A STAGE LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED RECENTLY IN A
SHOW IN CANADA.
STOP IT, STOP IT.
THAT'S RIGHT.
SHH, SHH, NO CLAPPING.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
>> SHUSH, SHUSH, STOP IT, ARE YOU TRYING TO QUIET A HECKLER
OR IS THAT YOUR PILLOW TALK?
>> I AM JUST SAYING, YOU KNOW.
ALL RIGHT.
HERE TO TALK ABOUT HOW COSBY COULD HANDLE THE SITUATION
BETTER IS PROFESSIONAL COMEDIAN AND NIGHTLY SHOW CONTRIBUTOR
MIKE YARD. M IKE, THANKS FOR JOINING US.
>> THANKS FOR HAVING ME, LARRY.
>> Larry: NO PROBLEM.
SO MIKE IS COSBY OUT OF LINE HERE?
>> ABSOLUTELY, LARRY.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU HANDLE A HECKLER AT ALL.
>> Larry: OH.
OKAY.
SO, WAIT.
THAT IS THE PART OF THE STORY THAT IS RUBBING YOU THE WRONG
WAY?
>> LARRY, I HAVE BEEN DOING COMEDY FOR 20 YEARS, I HAVE SEEN
A LOT OF ALLEGED CRIMINALS ON STAGE THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE
TO BE SLOPPY.
>> Larry: OKAY.
BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE HERE TO TALK ABOUT --
>> LARRY, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HE WAS BEING HECKLED IN CANADA
AND HIS COMEBACK WAS "STOP IT, SH-SH?" IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE A
CANADIAN HECKLER IT IS TIME TO GET OUT OF THE GAME.
[ APPLAUSE ] >> Larry: VERY FAIR POINT, OKAY.
WELL IT LOOKS LIKE WE WILL FOCUS ON THIS, SO WHAT SHOULD HE HAVE
DONE.
>> IT IS REALLY SIMPLE, LARRY, SOMEONE DISRUPTS YOU SHOW YOU
HAVE TO REFOCUS THEM AND YOU WANT THE AUDIENCE TO THINK ABOUT
YOUR JOKES, NOT YOUR CRIMES, GO AHEAD, HECKLE ME, CALL ME A
RACIST.
>> Larry: UM, OKAY.
IT SEEMS A LITTLE DANGEROUS HERE.
THAT IS THE SECOND NIGHT OF SHOW.
I WILL DO IT.
OKAY.
YOU'RE A RAPIST.
>> WHO ARE YOU CALLING A RAPIST MOTHER (BLEEP)?
>> Larry: WHOA!
TAKE IT EASY I THOUGHT YOU WOULD EXPLAIN TO ME HOW THIS WORKS.
>> I'M SORRY, LARRY, THAT WAS JUST REFLEX.
>> IT JUST CAME OUT OF ME.
>> SORRY.
>> WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY IS WHEN YOU ARE HANDLING A HECK HER
THERE ARE TWO DIFFERENT TACTICS YOU CAN TRY, ONE OF MY FAVORITES
IS ACT LIKE HE SAID SOMETHING ELSE.
HERE, HECKLE ME AGAIN.
>> Larry: I DON'T KNOW, MIKE, I MEAN LAST TIME.
>> , NO I AM GOOD.
I AM IN CHARACTER NOW, GO AHEAD.
>> Larry: OKAY.
YOU ARE A RAPIST!
>> WHAT'S THAT? PAPIST? YOU WANT ME TO MAKE JOKES ABOUT THE POPE.
THE POPE IS DOPE, HAVE YOU SEEN THAT GUY'S HAT? GANGSTER.
SEE WHAT JUST HAPPENED, LARRY? NOW WE ARE IN VATICAN CITY
INSTEAD OF RAPE TOWN.
>> Larry: WOW, MIKE.
I MEAN, WOW.
YOU REALLY ARE A PRO.
>> I KNOW, RIGHT.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
SO WHAT IF THE GUY IS PERSISTENT AND WON'T STOP, WHAT DO YOU DO
THEN?
>> THEN I JUST TELL THE TRUTH, I TELL HIM HOW YOU REALLY FEEL.
>> Larry: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> WELL I JUST KEEP IT REAL AND LOOK HIM IN THE EYE AND TELL
HIM, LISTEN YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT BECAUSE I AM GOING TO HURT
YOUR FEELINGS AND THEN YOU ARE GOING TO WANT TO FIGHT ME AND
THIS IS WHERE IT GETS TRICKY I CAN FIGHT AND YOU WILL BE THE
DUDE WHO GETS HIS ASS WHIPPED BY THE COMEDIAN SO SIT YOUR ASS
DOWN AND LET ME DO MY JOB.
ARE YOU THINKING OF MY CRIMES, LARRY, NO YOU ARE THINKING OF
GETTING YOUR ASS KICKED, AIN'T YOU.
>> Larry: WOW.
THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING.
YOU CAN READ MY MIND.
NICELY DONE, MIKE YARD, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK RIGHT AFTER THIS!