So I suppose first things first,
could you tell us maybe a little bit about yourself and what you do?
Of course. So my name is Grace and professionally,
I go by Grace Alice
and my job is a sexuality and relationships educator.
So there's a lot of us are kind of coming out of lockdown
and I suppose we're meeting a lot more people and relationships
might kind of tend to start. But how can I know if I'm ready for a relationship?
so it can be hard to know when you're ready for a relationship
It can be really hard to pinpoint
that exact moment or that exact time in your life.
And it happens very differently for everyone.
I think a really good place to start is
knowing the difference between healthy and unhealthy behaviours in relationships.
OK, because we're going to have
relationships, whether they be friendships or romantic
relationships or sexual relationships with all kinds of different people.
But the behaviours are something that can be seen across many relationships and some
are definitely in the healthy category, OK.
So things like kindness, people taking responsibility for their
actions, being able to apologise, having a healthy amount of space
and different interests, having fun,
having the craic, so important. Being supportive of each other and being
able to communicate and respect boundaries.
There are some really healthy signs in our relationship and then we have a lot
of unhealthy behaviours that we can see in relationships like,
you know, dishonesty, shaming, like body shaming, for example,
over spending all your time with each other, punishing each other.
So giving each other the silent treatment
or, you know, being really nasty in some way, controlling behaviour.
So you can see that there is you know,
there's a lot of different behaviours that go on in relationships.
And I think, you'll know,
you're ready for relationship when you can you can identify them and you can also
feel confident in your critical thinking skills.
So, for example, if I said arguing, a lot of people might
say, oh, surely that's a bad sign in a relationship.
Arguing and having disagreements is
actually a very normal part of most relationships.
But the difference between healthy arguing and unhealthy.
The arguing is is the arguing is nasty, if it involves name calling,
if it involves, you know, shouting or if arguing is happening all
the time, those are all things that pushes
the behaviour into the kind of unhealthy category.
So when you're ready for a relationship,
I think you just have a fairly sound understanding of how you want to be
treated and how and what you're looking for in someone else as well.
And also the good stuff.
So you really like the person.
So, you know, it's more than just maybe
liking them as a friend or kind of fancying them a bit.
It's kind of really developing strong feelings for a person.
They treat you nicely.
It is better to wait rather than to jump
into a relationship that might not be for you.
So don't worry about jumping into one right now.
And I would just say to take things
slowly, keep checking in with yourself, communicate and enjoy the excitement.
And at the end of the day, you can end the relationship respectfully
and kindly if it was not the right choice for you.
Yeah, I suppose we often don't think of
how to know if you're ready for a relationship.
A lot of people kind of jump straight in because that's what everyone's doing.
But there's a question here and it's like
he says all the right things but tells me he doesn't want a relationship.
Should I stay?
If someone is saying all the right things but they're telling you they don't want
a relationship, that's a bit of a tricky one if you want a relationship.
No, you should not stay, OK,
it's OK for people not to want to have a relationship.
It does not mean there's anything wrong with you or that they don't like you.
That can be so many reasons why someone doesn't want a relationship.
So, first of all, it might be useful to just explore these with that person.
You know, are they nervous of being in a relationship?
Do they want to see other people?
Have they had negative experiences before of being in a relationship?
They're just can be many reasons behind that.
It mightn't just be as simple as, you know,
they're playing you along or anything like that.
But that could be the case as well.
So if you feel like you are both
on different pages, then I would say walk away.
And if you've communicated that and again, nothing is changing,
I would say to walk away, you know, going along with the situation that you
were not finding fulfilling can chip away at your self-worth and your happiness.
It's not healthy for any of us to give
a lot of our energy to someone who is not getting the same energy back.
So trust me, when you get that feeling of someone wanting you as much as you want
them, it will be magic and it will feel right.
And you'll just know that you want to stay.
And most importantly, you both want to stay.
So the next one, I suppose, again, is kind of to do with relationships.
And it's my boyfriend never makes time for us and he always takes hours text back.
I feel like he's losing interest in me.
Should we break up?
OK, so if your boyfriend or your partner,
if you feel they never make time for you and you feel like they're losing interest
in you and you're thinking, should you break up?
I would say the first thing again is
communicate, communicate and communicate more.
What's really going on here?
Is there something else going on in that person's life?
Again, you know, someone could be struggling with anything
in the background and just not sure how to communicate it.
Or maybe it's it's affecting their
relationship or their connections with other people.
Now at the same time,
if you can't make any headway with getting an explanation and the behaviour
continues, it is best to consider calling it quits.
You know, everyone's idea of being attentive and engaged in a relationship
looks and sounds and feels like will be different.
And you need to feel like they are
on the same wavelength as you.
Never let anyone treat you as
an afterthought, because that's not what you are.
So a break up might be on the cards,
but I would again say communicate first