first of all uh anyone who's not aware
uh you used to intern here at this show
you've moved on
uh and uh hit a home run everything's
going great for you the office one of
the best shows on television you're in
movies now so that's what i saw he was
at the emmys by the way that's right
that's right and i went up to conan and
i said uh you know the best thing about
winning this award is i was so nervous
because he was on the stage and it was
so loud you were like so how are you man
and you interrupted and i went you
listen to me now anyway
looks at me and goes you son of a
that's what i say to everybody in show
business that's my little thing that i
do
i don't care who they are you know
that's what i call that's what i say to
people uh you just finished making a
movie i'm told it's not gonna be out for
a while but you just finished making a
movie with george clooney yeah what now
that
that doesn't make any sense well
it does i think you're on my coffee in
the morning i was in the trailer i was
like no no this still doesn't make sense
hold on a second cause you must really
have to do a reality check sometimes
this is george clooney one biggest movie
stars in the world yeah and he's a big
movie star because you you know the most
i get on the street is
jim and you're like yeah how you doing
george clooney i was we had this thing
um he was walking out of set one day and
there was this woman driving an suv
right by him as he came out of this
building and as she's driving she saw
him and you now know that humans have
computers in their brain because it just
fried she was like
opens the door gets out and goes george
george
and the car was left in drive no no no
it's going down the street right so
behind george i always imagine it looked
like a michael bay film like he's
walking and this woman's running and
cops four cops grabbed her and pas were
running and dove in the car and pulled
the e-brake right this all happened
right and then they looked in the back
seat infant in a car no
that's madness that's how famous that
guy is
oh my god wow this should
you feel like
you feel like the military should use
george clooney like parachuted behind
emily enemy lines and guards would be
like george
you know everybody's like this is it
what is that yeah george clooney the guy
from er
[Laughter]
no one told them how to pronounce it
it's not their fault
so between the office and the movies you
made a joke you say people don't get
excited you must be getting recognized a
lot i get recognized every now and again
but it's fun like everybody who's a fan
of the show has been really really cool
but uh there was this one weird thing
where i went into a bar and i just felt
weird about the bar it like kind of felt
like the twilight zone i was like
something's gonna happen that's weird
and this girl came up to me and she's
like are you on the office and i was
like
yeah i am she's like well i don't watch
it so i don't care
i was like um okay great thank you
really nice to meet you yeah yeah and
she goes but my friend sarah really
likes it she sounded a lot like kristen
wiig's character on us now she's like my
friend really likes it uh here's sarah
so i look and i'm like hey sarah how you
doing and sarah's shorter than she is
and i'm talking to her and here's the
original girl and i'm like so sarah and
she's like my favorite episode and i was
like oh that's great oh and this girl
just sticks her fingers in my throat
what all the way back the first girl the
one that said she doesn't even watch the
show the first girl was just like boom
and i was like
and i looked over to her and literally
there was this moment of complete
surreality where i just was like
and she looks up at me and she goes oh
i'm sorry i just
and walked away
and my friend who was standing with me
we went
all right and we took a right we walked
out of the bar and he was like get a
beer in these village and i was like
yeah that'll be great
that's that's so insane did you know
what did she think that maybe there was
something obstructing your airway was
there maybe she was doing this while i
was talking to sarah yeah but uh no it
was weird too because you know how
everybody says like when you're born
there's like a snow globe and you know
your life's protected until it starts to
crack and you realize what life is my
snow globe was thrown into fire and then
eaten by sharks like
i had no idea what was going on it's so
weird i think it's that she's not you're
not a real person to her you're like a
prop you're like a guy from tv so she
literally thought i could put my finger
in his mouth and that's probably best
case scenario she could have like
shivered me to see if i like bled
oh you do bleed yeah that's weird i get
that
i get that all the time
i've been stabbed many times you're
gonna lean that guy right never watch it
stab
hey what the hell was that i love your
show
i love it when you drive the desk stab
jab jab
and they coat me in mayonnaise um
whatever that's the life people that's
what happens man you don't want to be us
it's too crazy
now we have something in common which is
uh we both come from uh you know uh
large families you have a lot of
brothers i grew up with a lot of
brothers and i know when i grew up
constant fighting it was just constant
and it got nasty yeah i mean i mean we
would think nothing of using anything oh
yeah there's one of those old stories
that like oh you always get beat up when
you have all brothers yeah that's not a
joke right
my brother one time was like i'm
surprised we all survived one
thanksgiving what's like the nasty men
here have some more gravy what's that
what's how nasty did it get like what's
that when when you give me a scenario
often but i strike big right so i was
really small and so my brother literally
came up to me with one of his friends
one day and he literally turned to his
friend and he went watch this
and just beat me up like in the face and
it wasn't even the worst is he's not
looking at you as
there's nothing more degrading awesome
is this beating a man why you're not
looking at him
so dehumanizing
and i was playing gi joe at the time i
was like 20. and um
i was maybe like eight and i remember i
was like watch this i'm gonna grab a toy
and just throw it at him i thought it
was there was like a truck back here and
i pulled something in front of me and it
was a giant lawn dart
which are called jarts and they're now
illegal in every state because of my
case and
i was like this will do wipe off the
dirt be safe
and it goes through the air and it just
sticks in his head no and he goes like
this and he goes ah
and he's like running through the lawn
like this and my dad comes out my dad's
a doctor and he's like what is going on
as my brother ran by he grabs the jar
paul keeps going and he goes do you see
this this really could have hurt
somebody
i completely believe that story it's
true and
i was the best man in his wedding and uh
at the rehearsal dinner i gave him the
wandart on a plaque and it had his
wedding date and i said always remember
you