- In this video, I'm gonna show you why Empaths
struggle to attract love and I'm gonna show you
how Empaths can completely transform that energy
to have that attractive energy,
magnetic energy from the inside out,
so they stop sabotaging it for themselves.
Now, first off, let me say that I have been through
a total transformation over the last year,
year and a half, when it comes to being somebody
considered an Empath.
Meaning, I could feel other people's emotions,
what people are thinking many times,
and I would tune myself to others a lot,
in order to really even just get by in life,
and that was something that many Empaths do.
Empaths are very sensitive.
They can feel other people's emotions
and other people's energies.
And in this video, I'm gonna show you
the thing that transformed everything,
allowed it to be so much easier for me
to be in that attractive magnetic energy
and exactly how you can do it too.
Now, first off, let's realize why are,
is somebody an Empath?
And what is it about being an Empath
that actually repels love,
that repels that attractive energy?
Now, an Empath is somebody that is sensitive,
that can feel other people's emotions or energies,
and they're normally very much in tune with the external,
with what their environment,
where they could feel what's going on.
Now, the thing with this is understanding
that one of the things that happens as an Empath
is if you tune yourself to other people too often,
you then lose your own center of gravity,
and you're tuning to everybody else,
which means that a certain level you are abandoning yourself
to get your own needs met.
Abandoning yourself to get other people's validation,
abandoning yourself to get other people's approval,
abandoning yourself to get other people not to feel tension.
And the challenge with this
is that you're abandoning yourself in order,
it's all this energy that goes
towards fixing the environment
and getting everyone to feel safe,
and it's a really, it's a form of manipulation.
That's what I had to realize.
I'm like, wow.
So many times I'm trying to manipulate
my life in different ways, in order to get my needs met.
But what that's resulting in is me,
tuning and losing my own center of gravity
and feeling kind of like a leaf in the wind,
like I'm getting pulled in all these different directions.
So one of the things that really blocks Empaths
from being attractive and having magnetic energy
is a certain level of neediness,
in order to manipulate the outer environment.
Now, neediness is anytime we need something
from somebody else, they can feel that.
Neediness says, I'm not whole and complete already.
I need you to meet my own needs,
and what ends up happening with this many times
is because we need someone else to meet our own needs,
we end up repelling the very thing that we want.
Whatever we crave, we must learn to give to ourself.
If we crave validation or approval,
we must learn that validation approval is not outside of us.
It's within us.
And that's something that I had to learn to do.
I had to, first, I had to stop abandoning myself.
I had to start becoming aware that the Empath,
like the Empath, what do we call it?
It's like a super power in a way for some people,
because they can tune to other people
and they can do these things.
People are like, "How do you know this?"
I'm very in tune.
Anytime I meet somebody that has any type
of similar energy to my ex stepmom,
I can feel it like that, because it's like a red flag.
I know how to spot it.
By my ex stepmom, someone that's like a narcissist.
The funny thing too,
is that Empaths tend to attract narcissists.
One of the reasons Empath attract narcissists
is because narcissists have a very strong frame,
even though that frame is built upon insecurity,
they still feel that, and there's something about that
that attracts them to it,
and I think a lot of times as well,
Empaths tend to have very strong figures
growing up that maybe they felt like they had to please,
which could many times be the type
of narcissistic personality pattern.
But in general, the reason Empaths attract narcissists
is because in a way they put up with it,
and they're trying to get the validation, the approval,
and they're willing to completely abandon themselves
in order to make the narcissists happy.
So one of the things that changes
this whole entire energy dynamic around,
is when you realize that this whole Empath thing
was a survival mechanism as a kid,
in order to get your needs met.
But at the same time, it's a form of manipulative energy,
where you're trying to manipulate everyone else
and the feeling a certain way about you,
trying to manipulate other people into,
manipulate yourself, in order to like look a certain way
to other people and that ends up literally
depolarizing relationships and also repelling
that of the love to which you want to be in.
So the key and the reason Empaths struggle to find love
is because they are tuning themselves
to other people too much.
For a long time, this is what I did.
I tuned myself to someone I was dating.
I would wonder, what do they wanna do?
What do they want to eat?
It would have me not being in my own masculine frame,
me being in my own masc and energy.
And one of the things you want to realize for love
is that you must embody the values that you wanna attract.
So, if you want somebody that values personal growth,
for example, or values integrity,
or values vulnerability or authenticity,
then you want that on the outside,
you must embody it on the inside,
which means you must live according to those values.
So, one thing that I had to do is I started,
instead of living to the value of the,
the values are kind of like virtues that you live by.
They make up also our beliefs as well.
They stem from our beliefs about ourself.
For a long time, I would tune to other people,
because I valued other people's approval
or validation over my own.
That was kind of my north star.
Everything changed when I started to value
vulnerability and authenticity.
Because then, I would start asking myself,
"Well, what is most authentic for me in this moment?"
And instead of doing what I thought they'd like me to do,
I'd start doing what I wanted to do.
I started to express the real me,
and one of the biggest keys and the biggest things
that will help all Empaths to become more magnetic,
is to understand that being an Empath is not a curse,
but it can be if you let,
if you give your power over to it all the time,
and you're not aware of it.
One of the things you can realize is that in a way,
Empaths are normally also very good listeners.
They're very good at understanding people.
Which a lot of times people go on dates and someone talks,
talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk so much.
And they think, oh,
I'm gonna get this person to like me by talking a lot.
But actually it has the opposite effect many times,
because it's normally coming also from a place
of insignificance and wanting other people to like them
or to manipulate the experience
that other people think a certain way about them.
Listening is a superpower.
And what you can begin to do is instead focus on that
and focus on being present to the moment with that energy.
Now, if we go a little bit deeper here though,
when it comes to being an Empath,
the thing that really changed it all for me is I realized
that my ability to feel other people's emotions,
that sensitivity was alive,
because I was trying to meet my inner child needs
or whatever, was also because at a certain level
I felt like there was something wrong with me.
I felt broken.
I felt shame that came from childhood.
And this a lot of times can stem,
because of something that happened when you were a kid.
Maybe your parents divorced.
My parents divorced when I was like five years old.
And as kids, we don't realize it now, but as kids.
we internalize everything.
At five years old or three years old,
or whatever age we may have then said,
oh, they're divorcing
because there's something wrong with me.
If I would've been different, maybe then they wouldn't have
divorced and they would've stayed together.
Maybe I wasn't worth them staying together.
And we make up this belief that says I'm broken.
There's something wrong with me.
Maybe if I tune myself to others, maybe if I change myself,
maybe if I abandoned myself, then everyone will love me.
Everyone will understand me or validate me or approve of me.
And something that I had to do is I had to realize
and become aware of that shame,
the belief that I was broken.
And I had to realize that my parents' divorce
when I was a kid, wasn't my fault.
Mom or dad becoming emotionally unavailable growing up,
wasn't my fault.
I was able to then separate the identity
from saying, internalizing.
There's something wrong with me to realize,
wait that was their stuff.
And be able to realize a lot of times too,
that the patterns of our parents
are passed down to us because that's what they went through.
And they just didn't know better.
It's not necessarily they're fault,
but it's like a a generational pattern.
So one of the most powerful things you
could do is to become aware of these patterns
within yourself, to stop abandoning yourself
and to realize that mom or dad physically
or emotionally abandoning you, wasn't your fault.
It wasn't 'cause you're not good enough.
And one of the reasons,
a lot of times Empath have trouble finding love,
is because they have an initial belief there
that says there's something broken.
There's something wrong with me,
which is interesting too,
because Empaths tend to a check narcissist
and narcissists also believe
there's something wrong with them.
They just try to hide it.
And they try to manipulate their environment
to get their needs met by demanding reality
meets their needs,
whereas Empaths do it a little bit different.
They manipulate their environment by giving,
by being very nice by being very sensitive.
And then that's how they get their needs met.
But they're both rooted in the same core issue.
The shame.
There's something broken.
There's something wrong with me.
So instead of tuning to other people
and the key is to actually bring the energy
inside of your own body, inside of your own hands,
inside of your own feet.
If you've ever heard me talk
about the frame technique is one
of the most powerful meditations you can do as an Empath.
Because when you bring your,
the energy in your hands and your feet,
you're bringing the energy back home.
When you've abandoned yourself,
you started projecting yourself into your environment.
You probably go into a room.
You can feel what everyone else is thinking,
because you've you've,
instead of being in your body
you're tuning to everybody else,
is it safe?
Is it safe?
Going on date with someone just tuning to their energy?
Are you, is it safe?
Is it safe?
Am I good enough?
Bring your energy back,
pull your energy back into your body,
bring it into your hands
and your feet and actually feel the separation
between you and other people.
And that was a game changer for me.
When I learned the frame technique, I'd go out into public.
I've shared this in other videos.
I'd go to like,
I was living in Sedona at the time,
I'd go to Whole Foods,
go on hikes and stuff
and I'd bring the energy back to my body.
And I'd feel the separation between me and people in public,
even without saying anything to them.
And it was incredible.
How much more magnetic energy I was,
how people just would flock to me
and all because I was being present
in my body and I wasn't seeking anything outside of myself.
I wasn't tuning to anything else saying,
oh I hope they say hi to me.
I hope they.
Am I I good enough.
Do I need to do this?
Do I need to do that.
That changes a lot.
Now, another thing as well with being an Empath,
'cause a lot of times Empaths,
maybe people that have been through a spiritual awakening
and developed this belief that says I'm alone
on this journey.
Nobody else really understands me.
And that belief, once again, causes you to live
in your own little reality bubble where people
don't understand you or you feel like,
for a long time, I went through a spiritual awakening
and I felt like nobody understood me.
So guess what?
I would attract people into my life
that reflected that back.
I went through a thing where my parents,
my friends kind of thought I went crazy,
when I threw my awakening in 2012.
And I was like, oh, people don't understand me.
And I rationalize it too.
I was like, well, they're just sleep.
They don't get me.
And that also, once again, creates a belief system based
on ego that makes it harder to connect with people.
So one of the things I had to learn to do
is I had to learn to let go
of the belief that people don't get me
and that there are not other people out there like me.
That would keep me in my own reality bubble.
But in general, bringing your energy back
is one of the most magnetic things you could do.
Stop tuning to others to find safety,
to get your needs met,
stop abandoning yourself, pull your energy back,
live according to your own virtues, your own values.
Be vulnerable, be authentic,
focus on this and your whole entire life will change.
Now, also, if you haven't seen it yet,
one of the most powerful meditations
I have that will help you to cure all
of this is doing an inner child meditation.
This inner child meditation will help you to revisit
as a kid, your own inner child to heal that energy,
so that you stop living within the patterns.
It's one of my most powerful meditations I have
and go to aarondoughty.com/child
or click the link below that's the child meditation.
And then also there's a video right here
on the frame technique that will show you exactly
what to do to have magnetic energy from the inside out.
We're gonna do this little activation exercise
that you can come back to for the next 21 days
and see how different your energy is.
Now, before the way that I was
and the way I showed up in the world, is that I was hyper.
I was hyper.