(Ian) Another Christmas episode?! Why not Kwanzaa?
(Anthony) SHUT UP!
Previously on Smosh...
Please, sir. Tell me a story about Christmas.
Okay, I'll tell you a story about Christmas.
How about we go back in time and destroy Christmas so it never exists!
Were you just making out with that lamp?!
No.
'Sup, bitches?
-(dinosaur roars) -(all three scream)
Man, who knew T-Rexes would be allergic to the incandescent glow of light bulbs.
-Thanks, Ryan Higa. -Uh...what?
Alright, guys. These are all the things I hate about Christmas.
If we can stop these things from existing, there will never be a Christmas.
First up, we have canned cranberries.
What the freaking frick, dude? That's a long ass list!
This could take forever!
-Hey, what if we sped it up with a song? -Hell yeah!
&#9834; Oh the first day of the end of Christmas &#9834;
&#9834; The first thing I crossed off my list &#9834;
&#9834; Was killing a T-Rex who was super pissed &#9834;
&#9834; On the second day of the end of Christmas &#9834;
&#9834; The next thing we freakin' did &#9834;
&#9834; Was burn down the very first cranberry field &#9834;
Die, stupid cranberries!
Die! (cackles maniacally)
&#9834; On the third day on the end of Christmas &#9834;
&#9834; We got some rabid rats &#9834;
&#9834; And let them loose to eat all Santa hats &#9834;
(Ian) Go, rats! Use bite attack! (cackles)
-Not so fast, losers! -Jenna Marbles?! What are you doing here?
How are you back in time with us?
I can't let you destroy all these Santa hats with rats!
Why?
What the hell else am I going to put on my dogs heads during Christmas?
-(dogs whimper sadly) -Aww, that's so freakin' adorbs!
-Too bad! -Hiyah!
-(Jenna screams) -(Ian and Anthony cackle)
(Anthony cackles louder)
Hah!
&#9834; On the fourth day of the end of Christmas &#9834;
&#9834; We got a big-ass log &#9834;
&#9834; And brain damag'd the inventor of Egg Nog &#9834;
-I just invented Egg Nog! -No, you didn't.
I don't remember what I invented...
and now...I'm sad.
&#9834; On the fifth day of the end of Christmas &#9834;
&#9834; I got some rabid crows &#9834;
♪ And attacked an old lady who tied the first bow ♪
I just wanted the world to be prettier.
Hey, how's it going, bros? My name is PewwwwwDiePie!
-Hey, PewDiePie! -My name is PewwwwwDiePie!
Yeah, we get it! Your name's PewDiePie.
My name is--what?! What are you doing to Mama Pewds?
-What the hell is he saying? -I don't know. I think...it's Swedish?
-I'm speaking English. -No, it sounds more Mexican to me.
I took a lot of Mexican classes. I know this stuff.
God. You're so ignorant. Mexican isn't even a language!
-It's Mexicanese. -Huh. I never knew he was Mexicanese.
It all makes sense now.
No, Mama Pewds! Why did you have to invent bows?!
Whyyyyyyy? (starts to sob)
♪ On the-- ♪ Wait, what day are we even on now?
And, dude, where's Ryan Higa? He's been gone for hecka' long!
Who cares! Can we just finish this song?
I feel like we've been singing it the whole video.
Fine!
♪ On I guess the last day of the end of Christmas ♪
&#9834; We got a taser gun &#9834;
♪ And tased the sh*t out of George Washington ♪
Wait...why are we at the signing of the Declaration of Independence?
Duh. Everyone knows this is when George Washington made Christmas a holiday!
As I, George Tyler Washington, sign this Declaration,
America will be a country and Christmas will become a holiday!
Uh...he kind of sounds a little different than I imagined.
Yeah...
Wait! Do you think George Washington was gay?
Come on, man! Talking like that doesn't mean you're gay.
Uh, yes, it does!
And now I will forever make Christmas the most fabulous holiday of all time.
-Uh...anyway, die! -(George Washington screams in pain)
[bleep] [bleep] Oh my God, no!
Well, that's everything. Let's go back to Christmas day, 2013,
and see if it worked!
-Tell me, young boy, what day is it? -Why, it's Bacon Day, sir!
What the freakin' frick in the world is Bacon Day?!
-That's right, bitches! -(Ian and Anthony gasp)
I let you destroy Christmas so I can make my evil bacon empire complete!
(cackles maniacally)
Seriously, dude?! That was the worst twist ending ever!
Oh, you thought that was bad?
I got an even worse one!
(cackles maniacally)
Oh, great. Now who the hell is this?!
(together) Ryan Higa?!
I slipped away to make my brilliant plan complete.
And what was your plan?
I legalized Lamp Marriage.
(together) Yay!
&#9834; Humping lamps! Humping lamps! &#9834;
&#9834; The whole world is humping lamps! &#9834;
&#9834; Humping lamps! Humping lamps! &#9834;
♪ Hump. Hump. Hump. Hump. Hump. Hump. Hump. ♪
&#9834; Humping lamps! &#9834;
&#9834; I like to hump lamps! &#9834;
&#9834; You like to hump lamps! &#9834;
And they all lived happily ever after!
-How do you feel now, bitch?! -Okay, I guess.
Well...would this make you feel better?
(gasp) Oh my God! You got me a BFF necklace too?!
Yeah, dude! BFFs for life!
BFFFL!
Oh my God! It's the same color and the same engraving and the same--
Wait, this is the same necklace I got you!
You just repackaged my gift!
(scoffs) I would never do that to my BFFFL!
Oh, really? Then why does it say, "To Ian, my best friend in the world,"
"From Anthony, definitely not Ian."
"So if Ian tries to repackage this,"
"like he does with your gifts every year, you'll know!"
Um...that wasn't the gift. Uh...Merry Christmas!
-(Ian laughs nervously) -This is just my phone.
Uh...I mean...Merry Christmas!
These are my pants!
Uh...Merry Christmas!
-You son of a bitch! -Wait! No!
-(Anthony screams in rage) -(Ian makes gurgling noises)
The end. And that's the story of how Smosh died on Christmas.
That story sucked!
Tee hee!
To see behind-the-scenes footage and to see me read your hate comments
about my new haircut...
You look like Edward from Twilight.
No, I don't.
Click the video right here.
Well, I'll tell you a [bleep] story about Christmas!
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Cuz'...you know...they're so easy to "turn on". (laughs)
"Turn on". Oh, that's so gold.