(upbeat music)
- I don't know about you,
but I just finished all the "RuPaul's Drag Race."
Twice.
So started watching the news.
- There is more grim news
at the epicenter of the pandemic.
- Total coronavirus cases
(multiple reporters speaking over each other)
- And that got real depressing real fast.
And then I started watching on mute.
- Ten of millions more Americans
(audio muted)
- And it's amazing!
See, all the anchors are broadcasting
from their homes now.
So if you don't listen to what they're saying
and just look at the backgrounds?
Oh, it's like the worst version of "Cribs."
Check it out.
All right, now I love me some Anderson Cooper,
but this is a little much.
It's like, we get it.
You read.
I mean, he looks like he lives in a real life
game of "Clue."
He don't need to be worried about corona.
He needs to be worried about Colonel Mustard
in the kitchen with the candlestick.
Okay, how's this guy the same color as his wall?
If he wasn't wearing a black jacket,
I wouldn't know where he stopped and the apartment started.
And is it just me, or is this apartment giving out
real "American Psycho" vibes?
Like, "Quick, get the blood-stained tarp off the couch.
We're going on air!"
The self-isolation got to this lady
and she snapped.
Look at that.
Color-coded books?
Why?
For what?
She look like she live streaming from inside Pinterest.
I mean, how does that even work?
"Hmm, what should I read tonight?
How about something blue?"
I'd love to see her in a bookstore.
"Um, excuse me.
Do you have anything in sea foam green?"
Girl, what?
Is that how a CNBC reporter lives?
This dude's fireplace is bigger than every
studio apartment in Brooklyn.
He's checked to make sure there's not
a MFA student squatting in there.
He's obviously got money, though, I'll give him that.
I can learn how to do the thing where you make
money by watching a line on a chart go up.
Hold on.
Please give me 500,000 dollars.
Expert.
Wow, nice poster.
Slow down, cool dad.
Don't smoke all the weed.
Why is he even there?
I thought that colleges closed their dorms.
Boring!
Oh (beep), this dude is Pennywise!
Move out, move out!
I can't tell if this woman's going to update us
on the news, or sell us handmade, turquoise jewelry.
Woman, you're not in the southwest.
You're in Florida
I wanna see the "Golden Girls" set.
Give me cheesecake, lenai,
shoulder pads, shoulder pads, Blanche!
Yo, that man's bookshelf looks like a limp penis!
And if there's anything I've seen,
it's a limp penis.
What's up with these candlesticks?
It's like if Harry Potter's wand got genital warts.
Uh-uh, I don't like that.
Is this home office or time out?
Wait,
does this guy have a framed picture of himself?
Or maybe he's the picture that comes with the frame.
'Cause his whole vibe is kinda
the picture that comes with the frame.
But also,
is he single?
'Cause I don't know if I've been under quarantine
for too long, but um,
man's looking like a snack.
Real two-piece and a biscuit,
a real Lunchable,
a real hot dog when you got home from school, hmm!
(upbeat music)
Juneteenth.
The day we celebrate slavery officially ending
in America.
Or, if you're a "Gone with the Wind" fan,
a day of mourning.
Now you might be thinking,
"The end of slavery.
So this is about the Emancipation Proclamation."
Nope.
The Emancipation Proclamation of 1863
didn't end slavery.
Slavery didn't even end
when the Civil War was over in 1865.
In reality, it took two months after the Civil War ended
for the Union Army to get into all the slave states
and free the slaves.
When it came to giving out freedom,
white people ran on CP time.
But on June 19th, 1865,
a Union general named Gordon Granger
occupied Texas, the last slave state,
and declared all the slaves free.
He's an American hero,
and he looks like the barista at my coffee shop.
I'm gonna have to thank him
next time I order a macchiato.
And freeing the slaves in Texas was especially important,
because although Texas was the last state
to be emancipated,
it had a ton of slaves.
It was blacker than a family reunion in Wakanda.
That's because during the war,
a lot of slave owners shipped their slaves to Texas
for safe keeping,
knowing the Union troops couldn't reach that far.
They were basically treating Texas
like the couch cushions
you hide your weed in when the cops come.
Officer, I didn't know.
I got this couch on Craigslist.
It came with the weed!
Of course, even though we celebrate Juneteenth
as the end of slavery,
it took many more months,
and a military occupation to actually enforce it.
Because it's one thing
to tell people they can't have slaves.
It's another thing to go door like,
"Hey, you paying these guys?
'Cause if not, this better be a big-ass sleepover."
And all this still didn't free slaves
in Union territories.
That didn't happen until the 13th Amendment.
Yeah, that's right.
There were Union states with slaves.
Imagine, livin' in New Jersey and being slave?
That's one human rights violation on top of another.
Either way,
black people in Texas recognized June 19th
as the day they were liberated.
They organized the first celebration of Juneteenth,
then over time it spread as black people migrated.
And today, it's celebrated by black folks
around the country.
- [Woman] Juneteenth celebrations have evolved
and become a real way to
pay homage to those who came before us.
- It is a representation of our freedom
where we can all come together
on one street.
Close down the city
to represent the culture.
- You see?
That's why Juneteenth is my favorite Independence Day.
It goes Juneteenth,
"Independence Day" with Will Smith,
then the Fourth of July.
I'm not a fan of fireworks.
Sounds like someone's doing a drive by on the sky.
So if you ask me,
we should make Juneteenth a national holiday,
because everybody,
everybody,
should celebrate the end of the slavery,
the beginning of freedom for black people,
and the long march toward America's founding ideals.
Also, we get the day off.
I don't wanna be stuck in the office in June!
Kevin keeps heatin' up fish in the microwave,
because he's a pescatarian,
and then he keeps cookin' all these eggs...
(upbeat music)
- [Reporter] This morning an American cinema classic,
"Gone with the End," has been temporarily pulled
by the streaming platform, HBO Max.
For years, the movie has been considered controversial
for its depiction of black people
and its glorification of slavery.
In a statement, HBO Max writing in part,
"These racist depictions were wrong then
and are wrong today.
And keeping this title up without an explanation
and a denouncement of those depictions
would be irresponsible,"
adding "the film will return
with a discussion of its historical context
and a denouncement of those very depictions."
- HBO hasn't said how they're gonna add context
to "Gone with the Wind."
And it is gonna be a tough task, so,
we decided to do it for them.
- Scarlett, you know you,
you get prettier all the time.
- Why thank you, Ashley.
It's the glow of never working.
- Yes, we've traveled a long road
since the old days,
haven't we, Scarlett?
Oh, the lazy days.
- Oh, they weren't lazy for everyone.
- The warm, still country twilight.
The high, soft Negro laughter from the quarters.
- The what, now?
Let's get one thing straight.
Black people laugh loud.
If we're laughing softly,
it means we're laughing at your ass.
- Oh, Rhett, I'd give anything
to have Tara the way it was before the war.
- You know she's talking about slavery.
You've got that, right?
- Then go ahead and make it that way.
Spend whatever you want.
Make it as fine a plantation as it ever was.
- Oh, it will be fine a plantation.
But it's gonna have to have white labor next time.
The South is not gonna rise again, Scarlett.
(upbeat music)
- During quarantine, I've been gettin' two things.
DMs from dudes checkin' to see if I'm all stocked up,
and reminders to take the Census.
And I know just who to call to make it stop.
(phone ringing)
Bob!
- Hey, Dulce.
- Why you sending me all this mail
to do something on the internet?
- Well, Dulce.
This is the first time the Census
has been done online,
and it only takes 10 minutes.
- Listen, during this quarantine,
I got so much on my plate.
Trying to work on these dating profiles.
I'm in the middle of two Buzzfeed quizzes,
and they got all these new Instagram filters!
I mean,
they got one that'll look like Frederick Douglass.
Well that's gonna be a problem.
- It takes 10 minutes.
10 minutes for school lunches,
for highways, for schools, for healthcare.
- [Dulce] While I hate to admit it,
Bob may have a point.
Every 10 years, the US Census tries to count
how many people live in America.
It uses those numbers to decide
how to split up federal funding
for things like fire stations,
schools, and hospitals.
These numbers even determine how many representatives
each state has,
which is why the Census has made so many ads
to convince you to get off your ass
and fill out they little survey.
- The Census really is about money and power.
- Come on, dog.
You said 10 minutes, let's go.
Internet, show me.
- So the Census Bureau site is my2020census.gov.
That's the official Census website.
- Gotcha.
So if I get taken
to mycensus.biggertittiestomorrow.info,
that's not an official site?
- That is not the Census Bureau.
- Let's see.
All right, uh.
What if I split my time between two places?
Like I have a man friend,
and I sometimes stay at his place,
which is technically a defunct food truck,
right?
- The Census attempts to count everybody in the country.
Some of these people live in mobile homes.
- I mean, I told them there's no market
for a condiments-only food truck.
But he makes his own decisions, you know.
- Can't help you with that one, Dulce.
We wanna count everyone just once,
and only once,
and in the place where they usually stay,
because that will be the basis
of all the effects of the Census.
- That's easy enough for me to answer.
I'm a citizen.
But for some, "How many people live here?"
is a loaded question.
I hear that, you know, there's people that are
concerned that they're gonna report to ICE
or that they're gonna report to the cops
and it's gonna affect people's status
or citizenship.
- Well, there's no citizenship question
on the 2020 Census.
- But I think people's distrust stems from
"We don't believe that a government agency
can not communicate information
to another government agency."
And that's not allowed with this?
- It's even better than that.
It's against the law
to reveal your answers
identified with you, to anybody.
Once it's in the Census Bureau,
it's protected.
- Ah,
so it's no snitching law.
- It's a big-time no snitching law.
- [Dulce] I get it.
Count everything and the government will do right by us.
There's just one problem:
Not all of us are getting counted.
So, I've seen a lot of articles
about how the Census is bad at counting black people.
Why is that?
- The kinds of folks who end up traditionally being
under counted are those who are renters versus owners,
for example.
Households with multiple families in them.
All of these conditions are more common
to poorer populations.
And the unfortunate part is
African-Americans tend to be poorer than others.
- I don't know why we're all of the sudden
acting like black people are hard to count,
when the police are always finding us.
And they seem to always know where we're at.
- That's the big issue, Dulce.
Those communities who don't trust governments,
confuse the Census request as another way
that they might be harmed by government.
And it's just not true.
- So, if the Census traditionally under counts us,
and the government has shown us multiple times
that we can't trust it,
why should we take this?
- I get it, Dulce.
But you gotta understand that
participating in the Census
allows your community its fair share
of over $800 billion in support
for education, health, school lunches, highways.
If you don't respond,
your community's gonna get cheated.
- So if I don't do this,
my community's gonna get cheated?
- That's right, Dulce.
- And it may get cheated otherwise,
but if they don't do this,
then they're definitely gonna get cheated.
- You're right.
- Why don't y'all just say that in the Census commercial?
- We need you on a commercial, Dulce.
- Yeah, ya do.
Hey, black people.
Look, I can't promise great things will happen
if you take the Census.
But if you don't,
I can promise these white people
are gonna use those low numbers
to cheat you out of the schools, hospitals,
and representation that should be yours.
So take the damn Census and let 'em know,
"Hey, I know you (beep) see me."
(upbeat music)
- Walmart says they will no longer
put multicultural hair and beauty products
inside locked cases at their stores.
This practice took place in about a dozen US stores,
which costumers claimed served more urban
and less-affluent communities.
Walmart told NBC News that the company's sensitive
to the issue and understands the concerns,
and the changes are now being implemented
as soon as possible.
- Yeah, can you imagine?
For years, Walmart and other drug stores
have been locking up black hair and beauty products.
But not the white products.
Yes,
even black hair products suffer from mass incarceration.
What is this shit?
Huh?
But still, this is great news.
What Walmart is saying
is what they're gonna do from now on...
- Hey friend!
Heard you were talking about Walmart!
- Yeah, I was, Dulce.
But how did you know?
- Never mind that.
I got some thoughts.
- Okay, I wanna know how you hacked into the...
Anyway, I imagine that you're pretty happy
that Walmart is getting rid of this policy, right?
- Yes, free at last, free at last.
Thank God almighty, black hair care is free at last!
Not only did this racist-ass policy
make black people look like thieves,
but you know the worst part?
It made every trip to Walmart
10 times longer.
- Wait, why would it be longer?
- 'Cause I had to go on a magical quest
to find the person,
with the key, who then had to unlock the cage,
who could finally retrieve
my treasure.
Uh, it felt like a black Lord of the Rings.
- But it's an extra 10 minutes.
Why does it matter, Dulce?
- Let me tell you something.
You know how long it takes to style natural hair?
Do you know how much I have to go through?
The magical process.
The moon and stars and the products
that have to come together
for this to grace the planet?
That's time-consuming!
It's wash day.
It's a whole day.
It's pre-pooing,
shampooing,
deep conditioning,
conditioning,
and then a protective style?
And then it's bad enough I gotta do all that.
And then I gotta bail my haircare outta jail?
No!
- Wait, bail your haircare?
You mean buying the products?
- No, nigga.
It's bail.
I gotta sign a piece of paper.
I gotta put my house up.
It's whole thing.
- Well, I don't know where you're buying
your haircare products,
but I understand what you're saying, Dulce.
I just think it's great news
that the policy is ending.
And I mean, I bet you'll be going to Walmart soon.
- Oh, I already been.
And just so you know,
I sent you a little something in the mail,
'cause uh,
I see you need some help.
You ain't got hair and makeup no more,
and I see,
your little quarantine baby fro.
She looking kinda dry.
- Wait, wait.
What do you mean, it's dry?
I used the thing...
- Bye!
- No, wait. Dulce, what do you...
Dry?
I pre-poo.
(upbeat music)