Can we get served here, sweetheart?
Come on, do me a favour. It's been a long day.
If you can show me some ID, sweetheart,
then you can get your pint.
I left it at home!
Well, my birthday's July so...
What year?
1996...1986.
1906!
What are you laughing for? That's my date of birth!
Thank you!
So if you stay there...
OK. I'll be back in a minute.
You all right, pal?
Yes, thanks. Good lad.
Do you like drawing?
Would you like to see some?
Go on, let's have a look, then, pal, while I'm here.
Ohh! That's the park.
Is that the park?
That's the pond. Oh, yeah?
And that's me feeding the ducks in the park.
Oh yeah, feeding the ducks? Yeah.
And that's me playing fetch with my dog, Shane.
Aww!
Oh, what kind of dog you got?
Erm, he's a mix.
He goes, "Woof, woof!"
Do you want to see another one quickly? Yeah, go on, then, mate.
So this is... Oh, you've been to Matalan? That's me. Yeah.
That's my mum. Yep.
And that's the security guard arresting my mum.
Arresting your mum, what for?
Because that's the bag of clothes my mum forgot to pay for.
Would you like to see another one quickly?
Yeah, go on, then cos I've got to go.
That's me. Yeah.
And that's my mum.
And that's my dad.
And my mum's shouting at my dad for doing online gambling.
Oh, no, not online gambling.
What's Texas hold 'em ups?
My dad plays it all the time. Yeah.
That's why our house is being repossessed.
Shall I show you one more? Go on, then.
This is my dad's foot...
..and I think it's a device that stops Dad
from going out too late and leaving the country.
Oh, yeah, I know what that is. Yeah.
It goes, "Beep, beep, beep!"
It sets an alarm off, don't it?
And then the police come round.
Do you want to see one more picture? Go on, then.
That's the judge giving my dad five years for armed robbery.
No. Aw.
Can I have one more question? Go on, ask one more question before I go.
What a suspended sentence?
Er, that means if you're going to go somewhere naughty,
it means you don't go and if you get in trouble, it means you go back.
Does that make sense? Not really.
Excuse me? Can I get some service, please?
What are you after? Er...
I'm not serving you, mate, I'm very sorry.
Without any ID, I can't serve you.
ID? I'm 85 years old, what are you on about?
How old are you, 12?
Yeah.
I'm looking for a dance partner.
A dance partner.
All right, then. Do you salsa?
Actually, I do go salsa. I'm going to go tonight, actually.
Oh, can I come with you?
You're too young!
I'm a very good dancer, do you want to see?
SALSA MUSIC PLAYS
Hi, Mum.
No, I'll be back in a second, I promise.
I'm just getting a cake from the cafe.
Hi. Hi.
Erm, please can I see your cakes?
Yeah, so we've got... Oh, those look lovely!
What's in this one?
Lots of bananas... Lots of bananas.
..er, walnuts... Walnuts.
..no dairy or anything like that so it's vegan.
Erm, yeah, I think I'll have a slice of those, please.
Take a seat and I'll bring it over to you. Thank you.
You all right, bud?
Here you are. Ooh, yummy, yummy cake!
Mmm! It is so yummy, thank you so much.
How do you make it so banana-like?
Oh.
Oh, wow.
FART SOUND EFFECT Ooh!
FART SOUND EFFECT Ahh!
FART SOUND EFFECT Oh!
I'm sorry.
Could I have this cake to take away, please?
I'm so sorry, I don't mean for all this.
I'm just feeling a bit gassy today.
FART SOUND EFFECT
Do you feel gassy sometimes?
FART SOUND EFFECT
There you are. Thank you so much.
FART SOUND EFFECT Honestly.
FART SOUND EFFECT Ooh!
FART SOUND EFFECT Oh!
FART SOUND EFFECT
Bye! Thank you!
FART SOUND EFFECT