Hey everyone, Geoffrey here,
and in this video I'm going to show you the three things you can do when your
partner tells you that she wants a break. And for those of you who are new here,
my name is Jeffrey and I want to help empower you to start turning around your
relationship by yourself.
So even though your partner does not want anything to do with the relationship
right now or wants to fix the relationship, no worries.
Because when you start doing the right things yourself,
you realize that you can actually have the power to break the cycle,
the negative cycle you are in right now,
and perpetuate a much more positive cycle.
And so if you want to empower yourself with the right skills and knowledge to
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[inaudible]
and the words she wants to break. That's a very,
very common thing in my practice. And a lot of people face this issue,
especially when the relationship has been struggling for a very, very long time.
And I understand that in his moments it can be very panic inducing.
It can be very confusing. And so in this video,
I'm gonna try to be as thorough as possible because I want to make this your one
stop shop for everything you need to do when your partner tells you that she
wants a break.
And so the first thing you need to understand when you're in this situation is
you kind of have to do a lot of things that go against your instincts.
Go against what you initially want to do.
And what I mean by that is the first thing that you don't want to do is to try
to gain control of your partner, to take control of partner. So most people,
when they're in this position, the first thing they do is they are their beg,
they plead or they're forced their partner to come and talk to them to have a
conversation or to just come back. And perhaps you even start hating them.
You start getting angry at them. But understand that love,
especially romantic love is a very, very emotional thing with emotions.
You can't force them onto feel something. You can logically convince them to,
to kind of do something.
But you can't logically convince someone to feel something for you. And in fact,
as we'll talk about later,
this will actually push your partner further away and I'll get you further away
from getting the results that you want.
So the last thing you want to do is to beg,
plead force or get angry or react in a bad way.
When your punter tells you that she wants a break.
So you're going to feel all these emotions. I get it. We're all humans.
After all, you can feel them, let yourself feel them, but don't act on it.
So for now, just to give them the space that they want, you know, no texting,
no calling, no contact whatsoever. Just give them the space that they want.
And that is really the best thing you can do.
And the number one question I get is, you know what?
If I give her space and she ended up leaving or she ends up deciding that she
wants to leave. You have two options here.
First option is you give him the space.
Second option is you don't give them the space and you kind of pull them in and
forced them to have a conversation with you or to stay in the relationship.
Now let me explain to you why the second choice can actually backfire on you and
why.
This first choice is really the best choice that you have and the best shot you
have in recovering this relationship to why begging or pleading or reacting in a
bad way. It can be really, really damaging. At this point,
let's understand why she knows she wants to take a break in the first place.
Let's understand what went through her mind.
So what was the sequence of events that led her to decide, I want a break.
So it always begins with some conflict or some difference that happens in your
relationship and whenever your partner brings up these conflicts or differences,
it almost always starts with you reacting badly in some way.
So maybe you get impatient, maybe you get angry.
Maybe through your responses you fail to show that you really understood what
she was facing. Or maybe that whenever she brings up a conflict,
you never come to any good resolution about it. Instead, it always ends badly.
So it always ends in some argument. It ends in, you know,
you having the silent treatment for days or weeks on end,
and if the cycle just keeps happening,
then what happens is the number one ingredient, which is emotional safety,
gets destroyed. And your partner begins to learn that in a,
whenever there's a gripe,
whenever she's unhappy about something in the relationship,
it might be better to just keep it to themselves then talk to you.
Because when they talk to you, it will never ever end well.
And so over time she'll start to bring up things to you. All the gripes,
all the pent-up stuff, all the conflicts she has and the relationship,
she'll bring it up less and less and less. Now,
it doesn't mean that she's not feeling those things.
She's still feeling those things deep down, but she's just not expressing it.
And if she does express them to you, then she will express it in a very,
very explosive way. So maybe she gets really defensive and gets really angry.
She is very quick to storm off and walk off or very quick to say very mean
things to you because when there's so much stuff that is pent up,
it will never come out and gentle streams.
It will always come out in this explosion because there's just so much stuff
that is brewing underneath there and most likely whenever she reacts this way,
you're also going to react badly as well.
And so this perpetuates the negative cycle over and over again.
And as the cycle continues over time,
a lot of bitterness grows and along with bitterness,
a lot of hopelessness grows.
So whenever I'm dealing with someone who says that they want to break,
what they're really saying is this, that they want to save the relationship,
they want to get the loving feelings back,
they want the relationship to be happy again.
But the thing is they also know that for it to be happy,
they need to resolve all these differences.
They need to resolve all this pent up shit that they're feeling.
And so they're stuck in a very hopeless place here. Okay?
I feel all these things that are really preventing me from loving this
relationship and loving my partner because I have so much baggage inside me.
But every time I wanted to bring it up, it will never end well.
But if I don't bring it up, then it will never be solved. So either way they go,
they feel hopeless. And this can feel very overwhelming.
And it usually is the reason why people say I want a break because they feel
hopeless. And so if you understand this,
if you understand that the reason why your partner wants to break is because she
feels hopeless. If you force her, if you pull her arm right now,
all it tells her, it will confirm in your that you're just very impatient.
You don't have very good emotional self control.
You're selfish because when you force someone to stay,
you're not doing it for her. You're doing it for yourself.
So that's a very selfish thing to do.
And the fourth thing is that you don't understand why she's feeling that way and
you're not willing to understand. All you want is just the results you want.
And the problem with doing this is that these four signals are the exact same
signs,
the exact same traits that you've been showing that's probably been perpetuating
this bad cycle over and over again.
And so when you force someone to come back to you to have that conversation,
all you're doing is just pouring fuel to that fire and making your even feel
more hopeless and adding on to that bitterness over time. And also,
if you understand this,
if you understand that hopelessness is really the core reason why she wants to
break and that it feels very overwhelming,
then you also need to understand that the best thing you can do is there to
start instilling back that hope, that hope that whatever's pent up,
whatever issues that we have can be addressed, that you will listen,
that you will understand and we can resolve it.
And most importantly that you are the person that can help her do that.
And so if any of these things resonates with you,
then leave a comment below and tell us, you know,
what are the things you're doing to perpetuate this sense of hopelessness to
perpetuate the destruction of emotional safety that's making it really difficult
for your partner to really express herself. So leave a comment below.
We'd love to hear your thoughts then.
And maybe you can make a future video out of that.
And so once you understand the importance of not begging or pleading or forcing,
and once you understand why your partner wants a break in the first place,
the third thing is to understand the importance of working on yourself during
this time.
And so the first thing you want to do here is to not force your partner,
but simply invite your partner back in.
And you can do this simply by saying something like, okay,
I'll give you your space. And in the meantime I'll work on myself.
Let me know if you liked to chat.
And all this does is show your partner that you're not trying to be controlling,
you're not trying to be selfish,
that you're reacting in a way that she's not very used to probably.
And the second thing you're doing is you're opening the door. So imagine, um,
you know,
your relationship is a house and all you're doing is just opening the door that
you're saying to your partner, Hey, whenever you're ready,
you can come in anytime and usually she will come back.
Your partner will come back because one,
the distance will actually start to heal her emotions.
And the second thing is she's going to be quite curious, did this person,
did you really mean what you say when you're walking yourself?
And so she's curious about that.
And she will eventually reach out to you by saying, giving you a text that says,
how are you? You know, it can be very simple texts like that,
but any form of contact that you get means that your partner is ready to come
back to you.
And at that time you just want to simply invite her for a conversation by saying
something like, Hey, when do you have time to chat?
Do you want to grab some coffee? Do you want to come over?
That's all you have to say. But in the meantime,
while you're giving each other space, you need to work on yourself.
And this means four things. Number one is that you need to grow your mindset.
And so you need to stay positive.
You need to stay very confident during this whole time.
You know a lot of people when they're in a separation or when they're taking a
break, they feel very depressed and they feel very depressed.
They can't be positive about anything. And again,
this just shows your partner that you don't have very good control of her
emotions here. So that's not going to help things.
So you have to build your ability to be positive and to be confident during this
time.
And let me know in the comments below of you're interested in seeing a video
from me about how to be positive and how to be more confident during this time.
And the second thing you must do is to wear your Bulletproof vest.
So you must learn, how can I stay calm in the face of very intense emotions?
Because eventually that conversation will come.
And when that compensation comes,
you know what you want to do is to let your partner unload all that baggage.
But whenever your Pinter unloads to all that baggage,
it can come in very difficult ways. And if you can't handle yourself,
if you kind of control their emotions and you get angry or you react in a bad
way, then that will confirm to are again, that you haven't changed.
So you have to learn how to control their emotions here.
And I made a video on this on how you can do that exactly on how you can control
your emotions during this very critical moments.
And so if you want to watch that video,
then click the link above my head to watch that video.
And the third thing you have to do is to focus in your life and focus on simply
building your life. So whether that's creating a new hobby, you know,
working on your career, working on your business,
I'm going to the gym more often. Whatever it is,
you want to kind of build your own life as you're on a break.
And this is great for two reasons. One,
it shows your partner that you are really just working on yourself here.
You're really working on making your life a lot more productive,
a lot more positive. And too,
when you do eventually fixed a relationship and you do eventually invite your
partner back in, then you're not going to be so reliant.
And so dependent on that relationship that you have built all this parts of your
life outside the relationship that can actually make you happy,
that can actually fulfill you. And that usually helps the relationship as well.
And the fourth thing you need to do in the most important thing here is to
understand how to start progress and end conversations in a way that never ever
leads to an argument because they're gonna remember that the arguments,
you know, the inability for you to listen,
to really listen to your partner and to resolve some differences or some
conflict was the exact reason why she feels very hopeless and the exact reason
why she decided to take a break.
But if you can show your partner that I can conduct a conversation in a very,
very good way where you can really tell you me your stuff and we'll commonly
resolve it at the end, then that's a really, really good step.
And so that's a whole nother topic in itself.
So if you want to learn how to start progress and end conversations in a very
productive way, then you want to watch this video above my head as well.
And I'll teach you the step by step plan of how you can start progress and end
conversations that never ever leads to arguments.
And the reason why you want to do all this is that when she does eventually come
back, which she will,
then she will eventually see all these changes and most importantly,
she will realize that, Hey,
you can actually handle a conversation in a way that never leads to arguments.
He can actually listen to what I have to say without bad happening and if you
can do this, if you can show your partner this,
then that is gold and that will remove the hopelessness that was she will feel
because now she understands, Hey, there's actually a way out.
There's actually a way to heal this.
She'll start to think that things can actually be different now and when you can
do this, when you can continue to do this,
then your partner was slowly want to come in further and further further into
your life, but this is not an overnight process.
This is a very slow process and so for the first week,
maybe she wants to only see you maybe five minutes that week.
Then you really handle that five minutes really well. Then if five minutes,
it becomes 10 minutes, then 30 minutes than an hour,
then once a week becomes twice a week, three times a week,
and slowly you're bringing your partner back in by showing her that every single
time she interacts with you, a good things happen.
And so if you really want a detailed resource that can help you, uh,
build emotional safety and understand how to conduct your conversation in a
very, very effective way that never leads to arguments,
then you want to check out my four day training series on this topic. Exactly.
And so if you want to get this training series and you can click the link in the
description box below this video and go ahead and join that because it's
completely free. And so there's really no downside for you here.
And so just to get that training course and you will learn a lot from that
training course that you can really use for life.
And if you have a question or concern about your relationship and you want some
expert advice on it,
then you also want to join our secret Facebook group where you can post your
question and actually get expert advice on it.
So if you found this video helpful,
then click the like button and subscribe to this channel for more content like
this one. And I'd love to hear from you too.
So if you have some other concern or some other issues that was not addressed in
this video,
then leave a comment below and let me know and I'll try to respond to you or
trying to make a new video out of that. You know,
I just want to make sure that you have everything you need to really solve their
problem here. And as always,
thanks for watching this video and remember that you have the power to transform
your relationship.
You just need to pay attention to what you do and make sure that you are doing
the right things. And when you do the right things,
you will realize that you will also invite your partner to do the right things.
But with that, bye for now and I'll see you in the next video.