Part 2 of Footballers Play FIFA 22!
The Semi-Finals of the 442oons Esports Club World Cup!
Who will be crowned champion?
- Not Spurs! - Yes, okay Timo, you said that last week...
- You can’t even beat Arsenal… - Shut up Timo!
And Arsenal aren’t even good enough to make it into this tournament…
Holy sh**!
Cut!
RONCHESTER UNITED VS CHELSEA
- Hmm... who makes the starting XI? - How about…
How about you shut up and leave it to me…
...which is exactly what you should have done with the last minute penalty against Villa
Okay Romelu, it’s me you and Kai up front
- No way, take the German lamppost out for Pulisic - Sure thing, Romelu…
- 2-4-5? - Siiu! Did you see how isolated I was against Villa? Not on my watch…
- But 5 in attack? - It worked for Man City...
- Obviously I’ve dropped Saul… - Obviously…
- And I’ll drop him from the bench too… - Who for?
- I’m recalling Danny Drinkwater from his loan… - Good decision
And that, Ole Gunnar Dumbass, is how you pick a starting XI!
- Last decision Romelu… Chilwell or Alonso for LB? - These ratings are *******. They’ve given Alonso 78 for driving!
- That’s dribbling Romelu - Oh, I was going to say…
- Hurry up, dickwads! - Play Alonso. He deserves it for the perm alone.
- Done! - Game on!
PSG VS BAYERN MUNICH
Donnarumma out, Keylor Navas our South American friend, in..
Oh hurry-up guys, we were ready 10 minutes ago #germanefficiency
Just give us a few more minutes. We’ve got 65 players to choose from...
Come on Robert, let’s go and polish our 2020 Champions League winners medals…
- And here come the teams… - You made yourself captain?
Of course I made myself captain… I don’t want us being lead out by Mr. Potato Head
- Good luck guys… - Wait!
- What are you doing, Cristiano? - Checking my buttons…
- Schie***… - Knew it! German Alvaro Morata over there changed our buttons!
- What! - Check yours Bruno. Zlatan and Olivier Giriud warned me about this!
Damn! And I’d have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those meddling old gits...
Hey Bruno, I have a dark arts plan of my own...
- I’ve already prayed… - S***...
- And here come the teams - You’ve dropped Mbappe?
Nobody calls me a tramp and gets away with it!
- Well, apart from you, Lionel, my bestie-westie. - Er, not now Neymar.
- Lukaku is through - Square it Romelu! Square it!
- He shoots - No!
- Wide - I was totally unmarked!
- Sorry Timo... I didn’t think you’d score - I had an open goal!
Precisely!
- It would have probably ended up in Row Z! - Which is still 48 rows lower than your penalty…
Oh, you walked into that one, Bruno… what’s wrong with you these days?
- Neymar is through... - Yes...
- He crosses it… Goal! - Goal!
You tramp! You never pass the ball like that to me!
Well that’s because you went to play for Real Madrid in the first video!
Well that’s because you chose Messi and not me to play with you in the first video!
Well that’s because they asked for the best two players from each club in the first video!
- Ha! Savage... - Well…
- Yes? - Well…
- Take your time… - Tramp!
Why is Kylian so hobophobic?
- Man Utd have a free-kick - Would you like to take it, Bruno?
- No, you take it. I would probably just blast it over… - Correct answer, Bruno… correct answer...
- Here comes Ronaldo… - Quick Romelu, get a concussion substitute ready...
- Goal! - Siiu!
- You never lose it! - No, you just misplaced it for almost a decade...
Hey, why did EA Sports stop making tennis games?
Stop trying to put us off with your sh*t jokes Thomas
I don’t know, why did EA Sports stop making tennis games?
Because their ‘servers’ are terrible...
Fair play that was pretty f...
- Goal! - Ja!
- Tramp! - Homophobe!
- Lukaku is through - Square it Romelu! Square it!
- He shoots! Wide... - No!
- I was totally unmarked again! - Oh, I er, pressed the wrong button!
- Oh ja, and I have three testicles... - That would explain his poor shooting technique… Haha!
Hey, why should FIFA 22 be banned?
Stop trying to put us off with your sh*t jokes Thomas!
Because buying packs in Ultimate Team is effectively gambling for kids and a precursor to real-life gambling.
In essence it is an illegal game of chance which preys on the young to line the pockets of EA Sports...
...generating around 1 billion pounds of extra revenue in 2020 alone.
Oh, you were being serious for once?
- Ja. - You have a point Thomas…
Thanks. And another reason it should be banned is coz it is total scheiss*
I disagree!
And does that have anything to do with the fact they have made you the best player on the game this year?
Er, no...
- Ronaldo is through - Take him out! Take him out!
- Ja! - The goalkeeper collects it!
Son of a bi***!
Substitution, Sane off, Haaland on
- Haaland?! - Cheats!
We’re not cheating, we’re just playing with the FIFA 23 squad patch…
- 15 minutes remain… - What are you doing? You better not be…
- Substitution - Sorry Lionel…
- ...it’s Messi who’s coming off for Kylian Mbappe… - Mbappe!?
- Uhoh, more trouble in Paris-dise - We could do with Kylian’s pace up front for the last 15
You tramp!
Sticks and stones and Ligue 1 defenders may break my bones… but names will never hurt me
- Substitution - What?
- Neymar is making way for Georginio Wijnaldum - Wijnaldum? What?
- Ha! - How could you?
- Do you wanna go! - Yes let’s go!
- PSG losing their *******? - Every year...
- Lukaku is through... - Take him out! Take him out!
Pass! Shoot! Goal!
- Goal! - S***!
- Timo, how could you? - We’re through, Romelu!
- What? - Get out… I’m better off on my own!
- But, you’re my boy… - Well this boy is now a man! Go **** yourself…
Wow, that was like watching Romelu getting kicked out of Manchester United all over again…
You’re in trouble now, Pussios from Portugal!
- And the final whistle goes… Ronchester United 76, Chelsea 1 - Siiu!
Oh, perhaps I over-estimated my abilities...
It’s an easy mistake to make, Timo. Just ask the Manchester United scouts... Haha!
Argh! Not a Chinese burn! Argh! I submit! I submit!
- Can we get back to the match now please? - Sure!
- And the final whistle goes… PSG 2, Bayern 1 - What?!
- We’re in the final! - But, how?
While you were busy watching us fake-fighting… our little friend down there was muting the TV and winning us the game…
Marco Verratti!
- No! - Little s***!
Let’s go Robert… we’ve been robbed...
- Tramps! - Hobophobes!
The 442oons Esports Club World Cup Final!
Ronchester Utd vs PSG…
Will take place on Wednesday!
What?
I’m exhausted…
- Time to get a new animation company for the Frontmen! - Agreed!
- Or on second thoughts, Wednesday is fine... - Agreed!