Hey everyone.
This is Jack and Clayton and this video is 5 Types of Men That You Want To Avoid At All
Costs.
So, the purpose of this video is to help you be discerning with your time and to know when
not to invest in getting to know a guy because in a way these are like five red flags, right?
There five things that you could spot super early on and getting to know a guy and if
you were continuing to invest time in him, we would kind of want to know why are you
doing that?
Why are you not taking a stand for yourself and why are you not valuing yourself in the
dating process?
So, we're gonna bring up five common scenarios.
These are ones that we have both personally encountered in our coaching clients with girls
that we've been working with.
And so, if you can find yourself relating to any of these, we're not necessarily saying
that this is true all the time 100%.
There's always gonna be some exceptions but we do want you to slow down take inventory
of what's really happening and make sure that you're actually in contact with reality and
have the proper expectations set.
Yes.
Absolutely.
So, why don't we get into it?
Do you want to open up the first one?
So, the first one is the man who is either married or in a relationship.
Now this one might seem obvious if you have not encountered it, but it can be really confusing
to be in that relationship with somebody when for instance, there's really this real feelings
that are being passed back and forth.
When you can feel the guy's heart.
When he's actually emotionally open and expressive and maybe even talking about leaving his wife
or his partner to be with you.
It can be really hard to turn that down especially if you feel the realness of it; however, it's
definitely one that you want to avoid because more times than not, it's gonna lead to heartbreak.
Yes.
I've seen that a lot and just in the coaching people [or] coaching women that being the
third wheel it's pretty rare that you become the main wheel.
And even if it were true that this guy does want to be in a relationship with you and
he is thinking of leaving his partner or wife, let that happen, right?
Take a step back and she let him clean up the dynamic and then you guys can actually
be together for real and see what's there because there are certain things I don't think
you can have a see when you are that third wheel.
Totally.
And another component too is if that he's moving from one relationship right to the
next leaving somebody for you, there may be this sneaking suspicion inside you when you
are in a relationship with him that he might do the same thing.
And that you're gonna be on the receiving end of this time and it's gonna be some other
woman that he's falling in love with.
So that's great because that kind of brings us nicely then to number two.
Yes.
What's number two?
Well, number two is a guy who's on the rebound.
Alright.
So, a guy who is still involved or very recently involved with someone else, and you know,
I've been there.
I've been that guy.
It's very hard to clearly see that you're actually in a rebound.
You almost need to go through the process of rebound and then you notice like, “Oh
I thought I was really into that person but actually it was it was a rebound feeling.”
[It’s] like when you're experiencing loss, or grief, or kind of like the identity challenge
that happens with the relationship ending, you often want consolation and solace and
comfort and support and so it's very natural to reach out to someone new in order to get
that need met.
That's a very different thing than I'm available for a long-term relationship with you.
Even if it brings up strong feelings.
Totally.
And this is the part that makes it so seductive is the strong feelings that you're talking
about because what you might experience for a guy who is getting right out of a relationship
is that there's a lot of transference that happens.
Where a lot of the emotional depth and perhaps his heart being cracked open by the ending
of the last relationship suddenly gets turned towards you and what you might experience
with him is feelings of love and deep authenticity and honesty and emotional expression like
you haven't felt with men before.
So, it makes it really difficult to draw boundaries and say no to it because you've got a guy
who's got a bleeding heart right there.
However more times than not it's not actually about you it's about the period of life that
he's in right now given the break-up and if you're not able to distinguish that what'll
end up happening is you most likely will get in the way of his healing process.
At some point him or you are gonna see that you guys got into things too quickly that
compromise the longevity relationship.
Yes.
Like if you want to be his partner don't be his healer.
[It’s] better to give him some space and trust it.
If there's actually something there it will still be there.
Like believe me if you gonna be on a long-term relationship the kind of commitment that needs
the kind of energy for people to come back together again and again.
If that's actually there then it will be there and if it's not it kind of isn't.
Wow.
Great.
I love that – don't be his healer if you want to be in a relationship with him.
Yes.
So, let's crack open number three because this is kind of fun this one but actually
again just like getting in relationship with a married guy happens more than you probably
realize.
Getting a relationship with this type of guy also probably happens more than you realize.
So, the third type of guy that we're talking about is someone who's living with his parents.
You know maybe he's living in mom's basement and there's gonna be a few variations on this
but it's basically a proxy for a guy who hasn't really got his stuff together, right?
How he said, “got his s**** together.”
And he may be a nice guy, he may be a hot open guy, he may be a really great guy in
lots of ways, but this is kind of like he hasn't slayed his own dragon.
There’s something that he said she got to go and solve for himself like put himself
into the world, make some money, get his career going.
And the danger here is that you try and do that for him, right?
That you try and you're like, “Oh.
He's a great guy.
Let me help him.
Let me support him.”
And of course, you want to love and support anyone in relationship with, but you can't
slay his dragon.
You can't take that opportunity from him and it probably means therefore he's not that
available for a real relationship like a partnership relationship.
He may be available for what we call companionship.
He may want to hang out with you.
He may be available for lovership.
You may have a really romantic thing with you but he's not really available, available.
And that's the key distinction here.
Another way of saying this too is that he may be still in boyhood mentality and needing
some type of initiation or the just the hard knocks of life there to usher him into a more
adult man mentality.
“Wait.
Don't worry, I can be a mother.”
Ah right.
Yes.
And raise him to be a man.
And then you don't actually have a partnership at that point what you end up having is a
mentor-mentee relationship which is there's gonna be an inequality.
There's gonna be a different power dynamic.
And ultimately, what ends up happening is as this man starts to try to come into his
own in the relationship is there's gonna be some type of disruption or upset that happens
within your dynamic with him that throws things off kilter because it's gonna be different
than how the relationship started.
Now some people and some couples can't survive that but what we're saying here is you're
signing up for a pretty messy situation.
Totally.
Rather than have to re-consulate the relationship around a new dynamic better just not to be
in the previous dynamic, right?
If you notice that your mothering someone and that's the principal orientation you have
to them, I think let that guy go and let him go and stand on his own two feet.
And if there's something that wants to happen later, your life will bring it back around.
So, one that we're gonna talk about the fourth one now.
And this one almost dovetails nicely out of this one which is the guy who's the broken
bird, right?
So, there may be some men that are living with their parents that are broken birds but
we're talking about in a more general sense.
The broken bird guy.
So, this might be a man who is depressed.
This might be a man who is…
Down with his luck.
Yes.
Down with his luck.
He's really in debt.
He's been through some really, really hard times.
And it's not necessarily that he's been through the hard times that's the problem but it's
how he's holding those hard times and how perhaps, he's emotionally and mentally still
stuck in those hard times, right?
What often happens in this dynamic as a woman is you start to play the role of a savior.
So he's playing the role of the broken one that needs healing, and see again, how seductive
is that, right?
Now because sometimes these roles what they give us is a sense of purpose when we're getting
into the relationship.
We're like, “Wow.
I know how to love you.
I actually have a clear path on how to love you.
I can save you.
I can be there for you.
I can help you get back on your feet and because of that maybe there can be some type of bond
that forms between us.”
Probably like a really strong bond right because those roles are really energizing.
There’s kind of like a general point here which is to say, you don't date a guy's potential.
Date who's in front of you.”
Like if you've got a look into the future in order to find an acceptable place for why
you're dating, that's a huge red flag.
So, again if you wouldn't be with this guy as he is today on goingly, and of course we
all want to grow like I'm not saying that, but just you've got to be sober about what
is in front of you.
Absolutely.
Yes.
It's to understand what is the role that you're in right now?
What is that dynamic?
And if it doesn't change and it's gonna take a lot to change, it might not be worth it.
It might not be worth your time and again we want you to make sure that you're putting
proper boundaries around your life, protecting yourself and the way that you need to, so
you can find a high quality partner who's your equal rather than somebody where you're
having to play the healer.
Yes.
Totally.
Not a fixer-upper.
So, let's get into number five.
Let's do it.
Because this is a different type of energy.
Number five is what we're calling the liar would be the strong version of it or the spin
on is to spin artist is the kind of perhaps the softer version of it.
So, this is a guy who doesn't quite tell you the truth.
This is a guy who you know maybe he overtly lies early in the relationship…
And making an excuse for it.
Possibly.
Right.
That would be a big flag.
Or, maybe he's more of a white liar, right?
Like he's lying by omission.
He's not really giving you the full truth or any time you try and pin him down or make
him accountable for something.
There's always like a reason.
There's always an excuse.
There's always a mitigating factor.
And there's a kind of slipperiness to the energy.
There's a bit of trickster or manipulation where you don't get a straight answer to a
straight question.
A guy who's not ready in his masculine integrity, [it’s] another way of saying that.
I can't really trust his direction and decision.
Yes.
Another example of this too to land this one is it could be a man where when you're bringing
perhaps problems, or issues, or feeling to the table different needs that you might have
there's a way that he spins it back on you, so it feels like, “Okay.
Wait maybe you're being too sensitive, maybe you're being too needy, right?”
So, it's a way of almost where he's not really listening or taking responsibility or meeting
you but rather, he's putting it back on you and having it be some project that you've
got to work on and it's not about him.
Yes.
Totally.
So, there are five types that you want to avoid.
And again, the reason you want to avoid them is so that you can you want from your gaming
life.
You can stand in your truth, your power, and your discernment to find a guy that you is
actually available and the once what you want from a relationship.
Why not start from there?
There's already enough barriers for most of us in relationship so why not give you yourself
the best opportunity off the bat.
It's great when you have the ripe fertile soil in which to plan something, rather than
trying to plant seeds in the desert.
Yes.
And we want to talk about a little bit just a quick webinar that we've got going on it's
called The Three Keys to Attracting A High Quality Man.
So, if you found anything that we've talked about in this video fascinating, if you are
intrigued and you're wanting more, you're wanting to learn how you can be the type of
woman that attracts and keeps a high-quality man into her life, go ahead and click the
button below this video.
It's a link actually that'll allow you to register for the webinar.
It's 90 minutes of some of the best content that we put together last year.
And we've got people that have attended it three times practically, right because it's
so rich in content and it's like a course in itself and we're giving it to you completely
free.
So, click the link below this video, sign up for a time that works for you, and we'll
see you on there.
See you there.