YAMCHA: The following is a... ouh, wait, uh, I-I did this last time, didn't I? What's going on?
I mean, heh...
Okay... *ahem*
[Yamcha reading the above]
[Please keep these captions clean for those who need them. Funny extras can be added to the English (Canada) subs. Thank you!]
I, uh... Why have I... Why have I got a bad feeling about this...?
CHI-CHI: Alright, I packed you all some lunches for your field trip.
GOKU: We're going to Urgay!
GOHAN: Uruguay.
CHI-CHI: Make sure you're safe now, okay?
GOKU: Well, I don't know how safe we can be...
We're gonna be fighting Androids.
CHI-CHI: ...Uh, wha--?
GOKU: But make sure you don't tell Chi-Chi--
GOHAN: ...Three years, Dad. Three years. You almost had it...
GOKU: I'm taking Gohan, bye!
CHI-CHI [off-screen]: (Screaming)
(Intense screaming)
♫
♫ Cha la! Head cha la! ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai! ♫
♫ Sparking! ♫
♫
PICCOLO: So what do you think? How ready are we to take on these Androids?
GOKU: On a scale of one to ten?
My chest hurts...
PICCOLO: Huh?
GOKU: Uh, seven or eight.
GOHAN: Hey look, it's Krillin!
Hey, Krillin!
KRILLIN: Oh, hey Gohan!
You've barely grown since the last time I saw you, huh?
GOKU: It's funny, I think that everytime I see you!
KRILLIN: Ha ha! Ha...
GOHAN: Hey, that must be the island!
KRILLIN: Holy crap! This city is huge!
GOHAN: And this island's so tiny! What do these people do here?
KRILLIN: Apparently, prostitution is legal.
GOKU: Ohhhh....! GOHAN: Ohhhh....! PICCOLO: Ohhhh....!
PICCOLO: So the prostitutes...
YAMCHA: Hey, guys! Down here!
KRILLIN: He-hey, Yamcha! Tenshinhan! Bulma!
Bulma's baby-- ba... Bulma has a baby...
BULMA: You're damn right!
YAMCHA: Yeah, and you won't believe who the father is...
GOHAN: Vegeta. KRILLIN: Vegeta.
PICCOLO: Vegeta.
GOKU: Vegeta.
YAMCHA: Well, it could've been mine!
BULMA: It's Vegeta.
YAMCHA: I'm just gonna walk over here...
BULMA: He's my baby boy! His name is Trunks!
GOKU: Hahaha! That's a girl's name.
BABY TRUNKS: (Moaning)
PICCOLO: So, then... where's daddy?
BULMA: Unfortunately, our last conversation was...
[Flashback]
You are such an unbelievable asshole!
VEGETA [o-s]: You know, you're being bitchier than usual today. And *not* in a hot way.
BULMA [o-s]: You got me pregnant, you *idiot*!
VEGETA [o-s]: How is that my fault?!
BULMA [o-s]: You SAID you were wearing *protection*!
VEGETA [o-s]: *I was wearing my armor*!
BULMA [o-s]: Ugh, you're a moron...
[Smashed crockery] VEGETA [o-s]: Well, what do you expect me to do about it?!
VEGETA [o-s]: Well, what do you expect me to do about it?!
BULMA [o-s]: What you're *going* to do is go out, get a job, and help me raise our child!
[Flashback ends]
That was a year and a half ago...
So, y'know, you tell me.
KRILLIN: Well, on the plus side, your boobs look amazing!
BULMA: I...! You...!
Ugh... 'Just take the compliment.'
TIEN: If you guys are done acting out your favorite chick flick, we've got incoming. YAMCHA [on radio]: ♫ Cat loves food ye-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♫
TIEN: If you guys are done acting out your favorite chick flick, we've got incoming. YAMCHA [or]: ♫ Cat loves food yeah-yeah! ♫
YAMCHA [or]: ♫ Cat loves food yeah-yeah! ♫
YAMCHA [or]: ♫ Cat loves food ye-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♫
YAMCHA: 'Oh God, not my song...' YAMCHA [or]: ♫ Cat loves food ye-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♫
YAMCHA [or]: ♫ Cat loves food yeah-yeaaah! ♫
GOKU: Oh, wow! Yajirobe, I can't believe it!
You came all this way to help us fight the--
YAJIROBE: Yeah, no.
Korin sent me.
Take your beans.
Bean Daddy out.
GOKU: "Bean Daddy"?
YAJIROBE: It's what I call my burrito shop.
Or at least I would, if Korin would let me *have* one!
YAMCHA [or]: ♫ Cat loves food ye-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♫
YAMCHA [or, fading]: ♫ Cat loves food yeah-yeah...! ♫
KRILLIN: So that song...
YAMCHA: I was desperate and needed the money.
And no, it wasn't worth it...
GOKU: ♫ Cat loves food, ye-yeah-yeah-yeah... ♫
{BOOM}
YAJIROBE: (Screaming)
GOKU: Oh, hey, we've never wished *him* back before! YAJIROBE: (Screaming)
PICCOLO: Look! In the sky!
GOKU: Is it a bird?!
PICCOLO [o-s]: It's the Androids!
GOKU [o-s]: My second guess was plane...
TIEN: Damn, they flew into the city.
YAMCHA: I can't sense their energy...!
GOKU: Neither can I! And that's my specialty!
GOHAN: It must be because they're Androids! We only know how to sense life energy!
PICCOLO: Then we'll have to hunt them down the old fashioned way.
Search the city!
KRILLIN: Oh, I don't wanna go in the city! YAMCHA: What?! Oh come on, really! Do we have to?! I mean, I just wanna go home!
GOKU: Alright, gang! Split up and search for clues!
Gohan, go grab Yajirobe!
Bulma, hold the Senzu Beans; they'll only weigh us down!
BULMA: Hold on, what?!
GOKU: Break!
'Alright now...'
'If I were an Android, where would I be...?'
'Well, I guess I'd be right here because being an Android wouldn't really change *where* I am, just *what* I am.'
'If you think about it...'
KRILLIN: Alright, time to find me some Androids!
Hey you, have you seen any Androids?
STONER: I don't know; are *you* an android?
KRILLIN: No...
STONER: Then no.
But I did see a flying dude! Landed right in front of me, man!
Looked a lot like you.
You holdin'?
TOM: Hey, Jerry! You see that guy explode?
JERRY: Yeah! I bet you it was a terrorist attack!
TOM: Jerry, you always think it's terrorism.
You think your house being TP'd is terrorism.
JERRY: You're what's wrong with this country.
What do you think, inconspicuous old man and mime?
Whoa whoa whoa, Marcel Marceau! If that's what you're looking for...
It's gonna be $30 an hour. $50 if you want it weird.
[Sentry lock-on]
{HONK HONK}
DRIVER: Hey, you old jackass, get out of the road!
You want to beat up prostitutes, do it on your own damn time!
Please put that back...
I kinda need that to flee from you...
SHOPPER: (Screaming)
YAMCHA: Huh?! SHOPPER: (Screaming)
SHOPPER: (Screaming)
YAMCHA: 'Oh man, that was close...'
'Surely, someone else heard it, right?!'
'I mean I don't *have* to--'
SHOPPER [o-s]: (Screaming)
YAMCHA: 'Aw, this isn't fair!'
Huh?!
'Oh God, oh man, oh jeez, oh crap!'
OLD ANDROID: Nineteen, identify.
ANDROID 19: Orange jumpsuit, black spiky hair, higher than average power level...
Son Goku. 94%.
OA: I don't remember him having a scar...
19: 87%.
OA: Close enough!
YAMCHA: I am totally in over my head here.
Maybe, maybe I should call for help.
N-n-no, no, no! That's exactly what they'd expect!
Isn't that right, inconspicuous old man and--
YAMCHA [or]: ♫ ...loves food, ye-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♫
YAMCHA [or]: ♫ Cat loves food, yeah-yeah! ♫
YAMCHA [muffled]: Oh, *come on*! YAMCHA [or]: ♫ Cat loves food, yeah-yeah! ♫
TRUCK DRIVER: Jesus CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII--!! YAMCHA [or]: ♫ Cat loves food, ye-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♫
TRUCK DRIVER: Jesus CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII--!! YAMCHA [or]: ♫ Cat loves food, ye-- ♫
GOKU: 'I mean, really... an Android is just a human with wires instead of veins and oil instead of blood.'
'I wonder if they dream of electric sheep...'
'Mmm, techno lamb--'
Huh?
TIEN: Whoa.
KRILLIN: Woohoo! Not me!
OA: Now, Son Goku, I shall extract my long-awaited revenge, forthwith.
YAMCHA [muffled]: I am not Goku, I am not--!
OA: FORTHWITH!
YAMCHA: (Muffled squealing)
TIEN: Oh, come on! Really, man?!
You couldn't last, like, 30 seconds?!
OA: Ah, we have company...
19: Correction: New target identified as Son Goku. 100% match.
OA: Well, then - looks like I don't need this anymore.
GOKU: (Gasp) Oh no! Yamcha's been Yamcha'd!
Quick, Krillin! Give him a Senzu!
PICCOLO: Goku.
GOKU: Oh, right. Quick, Krillin! Take him to Bulma!
KRILLIN: Ha! Looks like there's two kinds of fisting in this city now.
PICCOLO: Pretty sure he's bleeding out...
KRILLIN: Alright, fine.
Bulma'll get it.
GOKU: Man, seeing that hole in his chest kinda makes *my* chest hurt...
Like a lot...
Anybody else...?
PICCOLO: So, then...
You two must be the Androids.
OA: What?! Impossible!
How did you know we were Androids?!
19: Scanning probabilities...
[Beeping] 19: Scanning probabilities...
[Beeping] 19: Scanning probabilities... Scanning...
[Beeping] 19: Scanning probabilities... Scanning... Scanning...
PICCOLO: Could not tell you off the top of my head. [Beeping] 19: Scanning probabilities... Scanning... Scanning... Analyzing...
PICCOLO: Could not tell you off the top of my head. [Beeping] 19: Scanning probabilities... Scanning... Scanning... Analyzing... Processing...
19: Processing complete. They are psychic.
92.4%.
THEY CAN SEE THE FUTURE!
OA: Psychic, eh?
Well, then... Bet you won't expect THIS!
GOKU: STOP IT!
OA: Never!
Ah, I see you have discovered that the off switch to my ocular vapo-beams is in my cheek.
But you are too late! The entire population of the city has been reduced to ash.
Now no one shall interfere with my revenge!
GOKU [o-s]: Actually, I'm pretty sure you only--
PICCOLO: *Yes*! The *entire* population!
GOKU: Oh, right. You are most unkind!
TIEN: We really should move this, though.
Hey, Piccolo. Know any good wastelands around here?
PICCOLO: Why are you asking me?
TIEN: *You know why*.
PICCOLO: ...(Sigh) North-west, about a hundred miles. It's actually kinda nice.
GOKU: Then it's a date!
PICCOLO: I can think of worse places.
Nice rock formations, neat cacti...
Oh, fine!
KRILLIN: Hey, look! Goku and the others are leaving with the Androids!
YAMCHA: Oh no! We have to warn them!
When the old man was holding me, I could feel my life force draining!
KRILLIN: You were losing a lot of blood...
YAMCHA: No, it was coming out of my mouth!
KRILLIN: Gross...
YAMCHA: I'm telling you, they can absorb energy!
GOHAN: Then we have to go now!
YAMCHA: You know... I might just sit this one out...
KRILLIN: Oh yeah, I getcha! I never have any energy after I get a handjob either.
♫ Badap-bap-badapbye! ♫
BULMA: Well, fine, if you're not going anywhere, I need help with the baby.
How are you with diapers?
YAMCHA: Hold on, Krillin! I'm coming!
KRILLIN [o-s]: Ha ha!
BULMA: So how you feelin'?
YAJIROBE: My car got blowed up.
Well, to be more specific, it was Korin's car.
Pussy Wagon ain't no more.
BULMA: Well then, are you gonna fly after them?
YAJIROBE: No.
BULMA: Is it because you're fat?
YAJIROBE: Ye.
PICCOLO: Alright - now that we're away from the city, we can--
GOKU: (Heavy breathing)
Does it feel hot out here to you guys?
(Heavy breathing)
'Cause it's *hot*...
PICCOLO: As I was saying...
We can finally get this underway.
But first, who are you? And what do you want?
OA: You don't need to know why. Just know that I despise every one of you.
*Especially him~*!
GOKU: Hey... Does anyone have any bacon...?
I sort of ate all of my pocket bacon on the way here...
OA: But allow me to shed a little light for you.
For the last 14 years, ever since the 22nd World Martial Arts Tournament...
GOKU: Ooh! I remember that one!
I got hit by a car!
OA: Indeed...
Since then, my insectoid nano-borg has been surveying and processing every battle you have fought...
rating them on a scale of one to ten.
TIEN: Out of curiosity, how was ours?
19: Average: 6.5 out of 10.
TIEN: That's fair, I guess.
PICCOLO: How 'bout mine?
19: 8 out of 10.
PICCOLO [o-s]: Ha ha!
OA: I have utilized this information to calibrate ourselves appropriately.
We are now powerful enough to kill Son Goku, and take revenge for what he did to myself and the Red Ribbon Army!
PICCOLO: Wow. So you even followed him all the way to Namek, huh?
OA: Of course I did!
Nineteen, what is Namek?
19: Data not found.
OA: What do you mean, "data not found"?!
19: Insectoid nano-borg destroyed during Saiyan attack.
OA: Bugger all!
PICCOLO: So, I guess you've never seen a Super Saiyan then...
OA: Nineteen?
19: Data not found.
OA: Then no.
PICCOLO: Goku.
GOKU: Oh, yeah, okay.
19: Power output exceeds projected parameters.
OA: I don't care if you're Super Saiyan, or a soup or side!
Nineteen, kill him! Kill him proper!
19: Executing "Murder.exe".
Loading...
Loading... 10%...
Loading... 10%... 20%...
Loading... 10%... 20%... 40%...
Loading... 10%... 20%... 40%... 70%...
Loading... 10%... 20%... 40%... 70%... 65%...
OA: Wait, what?
[Windows error sound]
19: A fatal error has occured. This program will now shutdown. Would you like to send a report?
OA: No, don't send a report!
19: Sending report...
OA: *Son of a whore*!
Now to wait five minutes to do absolutely nothing!
Oh, bollocks.
♫
YAMCHA: ♫ Cat loves food, ye-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♫
♫ Cat loves food yeah-yeah! ♫
♫ Cat loves food, ye-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♫
♫ Cat loves food yeah-yeaaah...! ♫