Hey, this is Mat Boggs and today I’m going to share with you how you can exude more confidence
with men.
You know, we hear that one of the most sexy attributes in a woman is a woman who’s confident,
but we also hear that a woman who’s too confidence can be intimidating to men so it
can become confusing.
Like what kind of confidence actually draws men in?
What kind of confidence is the sexiest kind of confidence that you can have with men?
So here’s how to exude more confidence.
One primary principle that can unleash more confidence in your life is to drop the need
to be perfect.
Release that need to be perfect.
See, that need to be perfect is what causes us to tense up.
That need to be perfect is what causes us to lose our playfulness.
That need to be perfect is what causes us to be stiff and life rigid in our interaction
and we lose the things that make us who we are.
You lose the things that make you special, that make you fun, that make you playful.
You lose the things that make all of your best friends love to hang out with you when
we have this desire to be perfect, right?
We are our best versions of ourselves when we don’t care whether or not we make mistakes.
Consider yourself when you’re hanging out with your best friend.
You’re willing to be goofy and you’re willing to be silly and you’re willing to
be playful and fun, and that is the brightest version, the most attractive version of who
you are.
So why this desire to be perfect?
Like what is that all about, right?
The desire to be perfect is the fear of failure.
Why do we have this intense fear of failure?
The fear of failure comes from the meaning that we give “failure,” and when we’re
afraid of failure it means that when we fail, we consider ourselves a failure.
And that is the wrong definition to give it.
Then it creates this rigidity, it creates this desire to be perfect, right?
And I empathize with you because you’re getting messages all the time to be perfect
from magazines and from the media.
But the true attraction factor in men is when you release that and you become playful and
more like yourself.
So how do you become more confident in who you are?
Well, the path to becoming more confident and releasing this desire to be perfect comes
in re-framing what failure really is.
Failing doesn’t mean that you’re a failure.
Failure is simply feedback.
It’s feedback and it’s an opportunity to grow.
It’s an opportunity to become better.
It’s an opportunity to become a better, bigger, brighter version of who we’re meant
to be on this planet.
When Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times in his pursuit of inventing the light bulb, he
was being interviewed by this journalist and the journalist said, you know, “God, how
does it feel that you failed 10,000 times?
Thousands of time when you’re trying to make these inventions?”
And Thomas Edison laughed and he said, “Son, I didn’t fail 10,000 times, I simply got
10,000 pieces of feedback that guided me into creating the inventions that I’ve created.”
And one day, we will invent this light bulb, right?
It’s the perspective of failure that helps you grow, that helps you move forward.
There’s a great story that was written up in this book called Art and Fear about this
art teacher who was teaching a ceramics class and this teacher said, “Okay, you guys.
Here’s what we’re going to do.
I’m going to divide you up into two groups and your grade will be based on the criteria
that I give each group.
So Group A, your entire grade for the final will be based on the quality of one pot that
you submit for your final.
Group B, your grade will be based entirely on the quantity of pots that you submit for
your final.
I don’t care about the quality of the pots, yours is just on the quantity.
Group A, I don’t care about how many you make, I just want your best pot.”
And so they both got to work and they both submitted their pots.
At the end when all of the dust settled, do you know where the highest quality of pots
came from?
The best pots, the most beautiful pots, the most symmetrical pots came out of the group
that was making the quantity of pots, not the ones focused on getting it perfect, not
the ones focused on, “I can’t make a mistake,” not the ones focused on, “Oh, I need to
study this and theorize about this and only work on one pot.”
The best pots came from the ones who were willing to fail, the ones who were willing
to get it wrong, the ones who were willing to make a mistake, toss it out, and start
again and get a new pot going.
And I love that analogy because the best relationships come from when we’re willing to risk, when
we’re willing to put ourselves out there, when we’re willing to make a mistake, when
we’re willing to look silly and look dumb in the interest of creating an extraordinary
life.
And I know that you’ve experienced this in your life.
Let me take you back to grad night.
Imagine when you graduated high school.
Like I think back to my grad night.
That was an amazing night and it was so fascinating to me.
Our school rented out Oaks Parks, this big amusement park, right?
And as seniors, we took over the whole park and they let us roam the park and we had the
park the entire night.
And what was fascinating was that that was the night that everyone finally decided to
admit their crushes, right?
They finally decided to go up to people and say, “I’ve had a crush on you since the
7th grade,” and they finally decided to unleash their courage and actually go up and
interact with the people that they’ve wanted to for so long but they never had because
they were afraid, right?
And I can remember a buddy of mine saying, “You know what, man?
I’m going to go up to Suzy Smith and tell her I’ve had a crush on her since 8th grade.”
And he went up to her and he talked to her and he ended up getting a kiss!
Right?
There were amazing things that happened that night.
Why?
Because people took action and they we willing to make a mistake.
They were willing to fail.
And why were they willing to do that?
Because they put on the mindset of, “Hey!
You know, I’ve got nothing to lose.
Like this is the last night I’m going to see these people.
I probably won’t see these people again so I’m going to take a risk because I’ve
got nothing to lose.”
Well here’s the cool thing: every day that you’re breathing, you’ve got nothing to
lose.
You’ve got an opportunity to step out there and to shake off any desire to be perfect
that you have, to be yourself, to be playful, to take risks because you always have a second
chance.
Let me just remind you of something.
There are 3.5 billion men on this planet.
You are not going to run out of second chances.
If you try something and it crashes and burns or you try something and a guy doesn’t like
it, big deal right?
Because you always have a second chance.
There’s always another option, another opportunity to get back into the field, to just take it
as feedback.
“Oh, that didn’t work out.
That was feedback.
Let me get back into the field, back into the game, and put myself out there and take
action.”
And here’s why it’s so attractive, this level of confidence.
Because when you liberate yourself from this level of paralyzing fear of perfection, right?
When you liberate yourself from that and allow yourself to live in a way that you want to
live and take action that you want to take action on and be the version of you that you
want to be – when you liberate yourself from that fear, you automatically give permission
to the people around you to liberate themselves.
We’ve all experienced that: someone who’s just willing to play full-out and shine their
light bright.
It triggers something in us, the desire that we might shine our light in a brighter way.
So as you step into that and you do that, you are going to be a magnet to amazing men
who see that and say, “You know what?
I want to be free of that level of fear and I want to be more of who I am,” and they
will be gravitating to you.
So I hope this serves you.
I encourage you to take this action today, to shine your light, release any imperfection
that you have, be willing to fail, willing to re-frame it as, “You know what?
This is just feedback,” to live the brightest version of your life possible this day.
I hope this serves you.
As always, there’s resources in the description to help you take your love life to a deeper
level.
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Thanks for watching.
I’ll see you soon.