- (laughs) Even if you do survive my labyrinth of death,
you'll have to face three more carefully-crafted puzzles
before you ever find me. (chuckles)
Okay, dude, come on.
You've been here for hours.
You're not even gonna see half of the villainous stuff
that I devised to torture you with.
Just, just walk to the left, you idiot.
No, the other left!
- (laughs) You fool!
You have fallen right into my trap of rationality.
Now...
Prepare to be destroyed by facts and logic.
- Look, kid, nothing personal, but tonight,
you sleep with the fishes.
And when I say it's nothing personal, I really mean that.
You see, this whole mafia thing, it's a family tradition.
I wanted to be a florist, but my dad said no. (chuckles)
That's why they call me Frankie Fresh, actually,
'cause of, you know, the fresh flowers.
Anyway, this is gonna hurt me way more than it hurts you.
- I'm the bad guy, all right, but I'm not a bad guy.
Like, if any of my henchmen mistreats a cute animal,
they get the ax.
And by that, I mean I fire them.
Fire them out of a cannon and into a pit of fire.
And then I throw a whole bunch of axes at them.
- Why am I evil?
Look, I-I've got three defining characteristics.
I'm great at getting things done,
turning a blind eye to the feelings of others,
and vanishing without a trace.
Becoming Dr. Virtuoso was the obvious
and only option for me.
- You wanna talk villains?
What about that gang of villains
that tragically struck down my boy Thanos?
Yeah, I'm talking about the Avengers.
If you think those are the good guys, try sitting
and having an interesting conversation with Captain America.
Five minutes in, you'll be bored enough to kill someone.
That's true evil.
- Mmm, we're not so different, you and me.
Well, except for the part
where I'm an utterly unpredictable agent of chaos
and you're a pillar of order and stability.
Blah, blah, blah. Details, whatever!
The point is, just because we're trying
to destroy each other doesn't mean
we can't be friends outside of work.
- Villainy doesn't have to mean viciousness,
so here at Evil Evolved, we take pride in the fact
that our goons aren't just disposable goons.
Take this guy, for example.
He loves our matching 401k and our dental insurance.
- Yeah, but, uh, the PTO policy...
- (laughs) Okay, uh, save it for the feedback form.
Get him out of here.
- I get that I'm perceived as this horrible guy,
but I'm just doing my job,
putting the red stamp of approval
on things like...
exploding a whole galaxy.
Okay, well, that's, uh...
Uh, I bet the galaxy had it coming, though.
- I didn't plan for this life.
I just kinda fell into the business of badness.
Plus, villains always have the best aesthetic.
Uh, I mean, Superman?
Yeah, I believe that guy got dressed in a phone booth.
He looks like an idiot.
But, I mean, check me out.
No, seriously, check me out.
- My path into darkness has been a wild one,
let me tell you.
This one time, I was trying to throw a gum wrapper
into a trashcan, but I totally missed,
and then I kinda just left the litter there.
Anyway, that small act of evil snowballed out of control,
and now I'm the guy who leaves his shopping cart
right in the middle of a parking lot.
Beware.
- What use of your weapons against my brain power?
There's nothing you can do to hurt me.
Oh, no, you guys brought the whole team?
There's, like, twelve of you! Ugh.
That's so many people. (groaning)
I gotta recharge my battery already.
- Being a powerful supervillain has many perks, but for me,
nothing compares to throwing one of my goons into a volcano
whenever they make a minor mistake.
And what's hilarious is, the other goons continue
to do my bidding, no questions asked.
Idiots!
I really hope they're not
planning a revolt against me, though.
- You foiled my evil plans again, Hero-Man,
but it's no biggie.
I'll get you next week.
Wait, what do you mean I'm going
to prison for reals this time?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy!
I thought we had an understanding.
You need me, dude.
If I'm not around creating mayhem, what are you gonna do?
Get a desk job?
That would be such a waste.
- I can't believe you have the nerve to call me evil
after you marched into my Chamber of Catastrophe
and tried to steal my Artifact of Annihilation.
Oh, you know, I think I'm actually
starting to see where you're coming from.
- What's my villainous motivation? Dude.
Do you think I'd be lurking in this dank dungeon
if I was motivated?
No way.
I'd be out in the world
writing epic fantasy novels and having intense,
but ultimately tragic romantic relationships.
All that bad stuff I'm doing now
is just an unhealthy way of processing my pain.
Okay, it's time for you to die. (laughs)
- Oh, wow.
I've made a lot of 16 Personalities comedy sketches
on this channel.
You don't believe me?
Well, why don't you watch some more?
Watch this one here. You'll love it.
Binge the whole playlist right here.
It'll take you several hours.
I appreciate your time commitment.
Hey, hit the like button.
If you didn't like this video, I tried my best.
See you next week.
Until then, stay cool and attractive.