As a species,
people are in the process
of actualizing the awareness
that in a relationship there is a me,
and there is also a you.
People fall into this shadow
of thinking that there is either a me or you.
What this means is,
either, in any given situation
I'm acting in my own best interests,
or I'm acting in your best interest.
What this does is it makes relationships
an exercise and sacrifice,
or a zero-sum game.
Either way, it makes relationships extremely painful.
For this reason it's very important to master
the "me" and the "you" too,
in any relationship.
But today, what that means is
we have to develop an awareness
of the you in any relationship.
Disclaimer (pause to read):
You Must See Your Impact On Others!
There are a great many patterns
that can cause us to lose sight of the "you"
in a relationship.
So you can understand this,
I'm gonna give you just a few examples;
Let's say that in your childhood growing up
the unwritten rule in your household was
pretty much, everybody's out for themselves.
You grew up in this household realizing
"Wait a minute, nobody's actually gonna act in my own best interests",
so the way that you tend to cope with that situation
is by doing as they do,
you decide that if nobody's gonna take your best interest to heart,
you're gonna have to vie for your own best interests.
You do that by following suit.
You stop caring about their best interests
and you simply fight against them for your own .
By doing so, you go into a narcissistic bubble perceptual reality
where you're the only thing that you consider.
Because you're convinced that's the way to keep yourself safe.
Or, for example, you can be indoctrinated into this belief
where you shouldn't really care about something that is "other".
Okay, let me give you some examples of this,
let's imagine that you grew up in a culture
that has a concrete enemy.
Now, you're gonna be indoctrinated with the idea
that that enemy is other and bad and wrong
and somehow you need to disconnect yourself from that other.
And as a result,
you're not really concerned with their best interest
in any way shape or form.
You do not take them as a part of you
in any way shape or form,
you're simply fighting for your own best interest
or your culture's best interest against the "bad guy".
That's one scenario in which
you would lose sight of "the other".
Or, for example, let's say that you grew up in a culture
where there's a specific religion that teaches that only people
are the ones that have a soul.
It can be very easy to relate to other things,
other living things,
as if they don't really have feelings,
they don't really count.
So you normalize this process
of not really considering them,
because they're just simply there for your pleasure.
That lack of consideration
is the loss of the "you" in the relationship.
Or, for example,
let's say that you felt super powerless in your childhood,
like nothing you said or did impacted anything.
It didn't cause any change.
You may adopt this very erroneous belief
that nothing you do has any impact,
that nothing you do really matters.
It's almost as if you're relating to the world
like everybody else causes ripples that affect you,
but you can't cause any ripples that affect anything else.
Now, when this is the case,
you're never aware of the impact you have on anyone else
because you've already learned that it's not there,
even though that's false, right?
So when this is the case,
you often only consider the impact on yourself
because you've already decided erroneously
that you don't impact anything else,
you lose sight of the other.
If you're one of these people,
other people are gonna relate to you
as if you're a serious narcissist, right?
But it's not really
that you've just gone into this protection mechanism
where you're only considering your own best interest
because that's the only way to stay safe;
It's really just that
the only reason you only think about the impact on you
and not the impact on anyone around you
is because you think
you can't have an impact or you don't.
You may not like to hear this,
but literally everything you think say and do
affects everything else in existence.
Most especially those things
that are closest to you in any system.
This means you have to be acutely aware
of the power that you have
over others.
Or, not even over others,
the power that you have to influence and impact others.
To not see your power
is an incredibly dangerous thing
and it's not just dangerous for you,
it's dangerous for literally everything else.
I mean, literally everything.
It's a super super dangerous condition.
So that you can understand this
I'm gonna give you an example:
Imagine a surgeon;
When a surgeon is performing a surgery
he or she absolutely must be aware
of the power that he or she has in that situation.
If the surgeon does not realize
that he or she has as much power to kill a person
as to save them,
the surgeon himself or herself
is a dangerous being.
The surgeon would approach the situation
from outside reality,
and because of this,
he or she might approach the situation from the wrong perspective
with the wrong energy
and make choices that have severe negative impact
and influence on other people,
as well as themselves.
Here's another example of not recognizing
where your power has serious negative impact on others:
I want you to imagine
that you have absolutely no awareness
that somebody else is very connected to you
and attached to you.
If you're not aware of this,
you may just see something over there
that really interests you,
and so you leave the person
because you're chasing something that's of interest to you.
Having no awareness of how abandoning them in that way
is causing serious negative impact on their life
and is damaging them immensely.
It is a guarantee that if you think back on your life
especially those times when you were the most vulnerable
such as childhood,
you have experienced what it is
to feel like the other person only had a "me" and not a "you".
It is easy to see just how impacted we were by that.
It is also easy to see when someone had a "you",
not just a "me"...
how safe that made us,
and how positively impacted we were by it.
It is also a guarantee
that if you think back on your life
you have experienced the horror
of watching someone who did not have a "you"
and the amount that that narcissistic state of being
damaged another living thing.
For example, you may have watched a person
drag their crying child into a store by one arm,
not caring about the child's experience,
only about how they want their child to behave for their sake.
Or, you might have watched a person smash a spider
simply to feel safer themselves.
Or, you might have watched a person
have fun putting salt on a slug to watch it dissolve.
Or, you might have seen people injured,
killed or separated from those they love in a wartime,
all because some leader somewhere
wanted more power and didn't care about the collateral damage.
The people who do not want to recognize a "you" in the world
or a you in any relationship,
tend to be the people that fear
that if they take responsibility
for the impact that they have on the other things around them,
they will lose their "me",
and as a result, end up in pain.
To understand more about this,
watch my video titled:
Am I Responsible For How Other People Feel?
So let's talk about what it means ultimately, to have a "me"
and what it means to have a "you";
It's quite simple.
To have a "me" is to have awareness
of your own personal feelings,
personal thoughts,
personal integrity,
personal desires,
personal needs,
and therefore, most importantly,
your personal best interests
and personal truth.
And to care about it.
To have a "you"
is to have awareness of the other being's
personal feelings,
personal thoughts,
personal integrity,
personal desires,
personal needs,
and therefore, most importantly,
their personal best interests and personal truth.
And to care about it.
When you have committed to awakening into conscious living,
you have got to care about the "you"
all these elements of the "you"
regardless
of whether the other person cares about the "you" too.
But having said that,
in order to develop a genuinely satisfactory
and mutually symbiotic relationship,
both parties in a relationship
must care about the "you" element.
In other words,
if both the "me" and the "you"
matter to both people in a relationship
the door is open to identify
what the highest and best option for both parties is.
From there, the action you take
will be the most in alignment with a win-win possible
in the given situation.
All this being said,
an important step in your personal progression
is to develop this awareness of the "you"
in the life that you are living.
This means to consciously consider
both the positive and the negative impact
of anything you think, say and do
on anything around you.
To be completely honest with you,
the survival of mankind is dependent
upon human consciousness
developing a "you".
Now, that's a thought
that instead of explaining,
I want you to sit with this week.
Have a good week.
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I wanna thank you personally
for the bravery that you have to step into awareness.
I'll see you in the next video.
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte Join the volunteer subtitle group on Facebook ASK TEAL TRADUCTION/TRANSLATION