How can you avoid marrying a female narcissist? This video is for the men out
there and we're going to get into the subject right now.
Hi, everyone, I'm Shaneen Megji. I'm a transition coach.
Welcome to my YouTube series on Toxicity is not your destiny.
My mission is to help people navigate toxic relationships and environments
in their lives from a biblical, practical and spiritual perspective.
So if you like this video,
please take a moment, click the subscribe button and click
the bell, because every single week I'm going to be bringing you a new video
to empower you and navigating toxic relationships and environments.
Now, let's dove into the subject.
More men tend to be diagnosed as narcissists compared to women.
But female narcissists are becoming more
common in these days, and they, too, can wreak havoc in people's lives.
Now, as I mentioned in previous videos, narcissism tends to fall on a continuum.
A person can have narcissistic traits or
have a narcissistic personality or be a full-blown narcissist.
It really just depends on how deeply entrenched the traits are in their being.
So the classic traits of a narcissist, among other things,
is their lack of heartfelt empathy and their inability to self-reflect.
So if a person has zero capacity for these two things, you should definitely run.
So I created this video for the men out there.
The question is, how can you spot a female narcissist, let alone avoid marrying one?
Although both male and female narcissists tend to lack empathy,
have grandiose thinking, be extremely entitled, be envious, contemptuous--
all the traits that a narcissist typically
has, each gender tends to manifest their traits a little differently.
So in this video, I'm going to share what
many of these traits are, and hopefully by recognizing them,
you will steer clear of enmeshing your life with a female narcissist.
So here goes.
Number #1
Narcissistic women are preoccupied with their physical appearance.
Now it's good to give some attention to physical appearance.
There's nothing wrong with a woman
who does take time to make herself look beautiful.
But, the problem is when a woman spends an inordinate amount of time and her
resources on her physical appearance. So maybe a large portion of her income
just goes towards makeup and products and clothing and shoes and beauty procedures.
And maybe there's a large space in her home that's taken up to house all
the beauty products and all the apparel she owns.
So if her physical space and her money is taken up with these things,
it is a sign that this is how much weight and importance she might be putting
on physical appearance more than other things in her life,
like character or growth or things to develop the inner qualities.
Now, I know that men are visual and are attracted to beauty, and that's fine.
God can and may give you a beautiful woman as a wife.
But I just want to caution you, if you notice that the woman you're
with spends more time cultivating her appearance than she does her inner growth,
her character and her virtues, then that is a massive red flag.
I would just caution you not to sacrifice
inner beauty for outer beauty because that will come back to bite you,
I'm telling you. Think of the story of Delilah and Samson in the Bible.
I mean, Delilah was beautiful and she was a narcissistic woman.
She had absolutely no empathy for Samson.
Her loyalties and her agenda were totally
elsewhere with her own people, so she could not care less for Samson.
She was out to fulfill her own agenda at the cost of Samson's demise.
And she used her beauty to manipulate and get what she wanted.
And the scary thing is that God did not prevent Samson from marrying her.
He allowed Samson to walk into a deadly snare with Delilah.
So be careful that you don't end up with a Delilah.
God may give you free will to choose, so choose wisely.
Number #2 to be aware of a woman who constantly
needs outside validation and outside affirmation.
You might feel amazing to be needed
and wanted at the beginning of the relationship.
And there's something affirming about a woman who seems so vulnerable.
But if the woman you're with is a narcissist, this could be a trap.
The outside validation could be her drug
to keep up her grandiose image of herself puffed up or kept up.
And while you're puffing her up and making
her feel good inside, she could not care less about you.
She actually feels contempt for you.
In fact, once you give her the drug of narcissistic supply by affirming her
and validating her, and restoring her grandiose vision of herself,
she will later on put you down and make you feel insignificant.
So if you notice these dynamics in a relationship, it is a red flag.
You could be dealing with a narcissist.
The other thing is that if she's relying
on you to always affirm her and build her up and it is becoming like an addiction,
it means she's not looking to God. She's not taking in His strength.
She's not receiving God to fill in that empty chasm in her heart,
and it's unrealistic for her to expect
for you to keep trying to fill that void in her life that only God can fill.
And it would be wrong of you to take God's
place to even try to fill that in her life.
So be careful of a woman like that.
Number #3, beware of a woman who is
wanting to be taking care of more than being a partner with you in life.
And when I talk about partnership, I don't mean it in the literal sense,
like she has to become a partner in something or work the same job as you
or in the same amount of money as you or be a breadwinner.
Your work and roles can look very
different, completely different in a marriage.
What I'm talking about is a partnership on an attitude level.
It's the attitude like, "We're in this
together. We're going through life together."
There is that kind of heart level support
with you, no matter what state you might be in or she might be in.
It's a heart partnership versus someone who believes that it is
your responsibility to look after all of her needs and carry her through life,
otherwise they're gone at the first smell of trouble.
If this woman is a narcissist,
she may make all kinds of unreasonable demands, expecting you to give your blood,
sweat and tears while hardly lifting a finger.
Her high sense of entitlement causes her to think that everyone in life owes her
and that she's often given the short end of the stick. Because she is so entitled,
she will expect you to do all the work in the relationship
while she refuses to be accountable for anything. She may want you to work
and make the money so she can spend it on whatever she wants.
In fact, because female narcissists tend to be jealous, envious and fiercely
competitive with others, they will want to spend all your hard-earned
money to do things to elevate their image of themselves in the eyes of other
people, even if it goes against all practical common sense.
And that will be a headache for you. A woman that's always jealous and envious
of other people will make constant demands on you to buy things and to do things
to keep up with the image that she's desperately determined to have,
even if that means that it causes you to go broke.
Number #5.
So with all that said, beware of a woman that is envious
of others and always comparing herself to others.
Instead, I would recommend you go for a woman who's always seeking to become
a better version of herself. Instead of comparing herself to other people,
she's comparing herself with herself,
with the person she was maybe a year ago or two years ago, and is seeking to become
a better version of who she is compared to who she was in the past.
But any person that's always, always comparing themselves and feeling
like they're always on the lower end, it's a recipe for disaster.
Number #5, be careful with a woman that puts you down.
The tongue of a narcissistic woman can be like a poison, like a viper's tongue.
She can make you feel like a million dollars in one moment and tear you to pieces
in another moment. She can build you up and make you feel amazing as a man.
She knows exactly the right things to say
and the right things to do to soften that heart of yours.
Think of Delilah rocking Samson to sleep
with her soothing voice and soft touch in the Bible.
Narcissistic people are very cunning
and abusive with their tongues and their fits of rage can be very scary.
So be careful of someone who puts you down
and tries to mold you into the image that they want of you.
Maybe this woman idolized you at first, but then she started picking out all your faults
So you've suddenly become not good enough in her eyes.
And now she's exerting this control and this manipulation to make you
into something that God never intended for you to become.
So be careful of a woman that tries to mold you into her image of who she
wants you to be rather than what God has destined for you to be.
Number #6, beware of a woman who is very image-conscious.
Narcissistic women tend to be quite superficial.
There's not a lot of substance or depth to who they are.
They like the idea of things.
They might like the idea of having a marriage or having a husband by her side or having you
fit this fairy tale picture of what she wants for the image of her life.
But this may not mean that she actually loves you or cares about you as a person.
She may just want you in her life to feed into a certain fantasy of what she wants.
So be careful of a woman like that,
who likes the idea of marriage, of a fancy wedding, or the image of having
a husband by her side, but who doesn't really love you as
a person nor care about your calling or your destiny.
Number #7, beware of someone who isolates you from your friends or your family.
Now, this could manifest as the woman
being possessive, wanting you all to herself.
She might be critical of the most important people in your life.
It may bother her to see you having relationships with other people.
Narcissistic women tend to be very jealous people.
So rather than encouraging you to maintain
the relationships that are good for you, she will try to separate you by pointing
out all the flaws and the faults of the people in your life.
And that said, if your family members are
actually dysfunctional, that's one thing. You might need to separate from them.
That might not be a bad thing at all.
If there is abuse and dysfunction and toxicity in your own family,
it might be a good thing to separate and to have some space.
But if you do have healthy, good people around you, and the woman
you're with is trying to separate you, that could be a red flag.
She may be sowing seeds of discord or
causing triangulations in order to control you and isolate you.
So be careful.
Number #8,
beware of a woman who is negative and who complains about other people to you.
Chances are if she's complaining about
people to you, she will start complaining about you to other people.
So stay away from a negative person
and someone who talks negatively about others.
Number #9, observe a go-getter type of a woman.
Now, I'm not saying a go-getter woman is bad.
A woman who takes initiative,
who's industrious, who's willing to take leaps of faith is definitely admirable.
And you should go for a woman like that.
But beware of a woman that is such a go-getter,
that she takes matters into her own hands rather than trust God to work in her
life, that she steps all over people and violates other people's boundaries
to get what she wants, that she practices manipulation,
which is actually witchcraft, to get what she wants.
Sometimes a woman who calls herself a go-getter
is actually someone who does not trust God to look after her.
She insists on sitting in the driver's
seat of her life and is not surrender to God.
So beware of a woman like that.
A narcissistic woman is not too far off from being like a Jezebel,
the Jezebel in the Bible. A woman with a Jezebel spirit can fly
into such a rage that can feel very intimidating, even to the strongest man.
It's like Jezebel in the Bible where she intimidated the Prophet Elijah,
the very guy who outran the horses and the chariots, and called down fire
from heaven on the prophets of Baal. Because the traits of the female
narcissist and the Jezebel spirit are so aligned, it would not be hard
for a narcissistic woman to become demonically empowered by Jezebel spirit
the more she becomes entrenched in her narcissistic traits.
And so when you're dealing with a female narcissist, if she's deeply entrenched
in her narcissistic traits for years or over a long period of time,
chances are she could be under the influence of occultic, demonic spirits.
And so you need to be careful not to come under a spell with these types of women.
So here's my advice.
If you're thinking of getting involved
in a serious relationship with a woman and you want to ensure that she's not
a narcissist, I would recommend that you introduce her to other virtuous women
in your life, other women who have qualities that you respect and admire.
And maybe there are some sisters in the Lord or mothers in the Lord who are
part of your community or your church or in your life.
So I would suggest that you introduce that woman in your life to a lot of other
women that you respect and see how she fits in with those women.
See what they say about her. See what she says about them.
And that could be very telling.
See if the woman in your life likes
spending time with those women or if she starts to complain about them.
And here is a list of traits I would recommend that you should look for in a future spouse.
Marry a woman who spends more energy
and time cultivating her character and virtues than her outer appearance.
Marry a woman who pursues knowledge and wisdom and understanding.
Marry a woman who has implicit trust in God, who knows how to wait on
God, and not to rush off to take matters
into her own hands. Marry a woman who is seeking to grow
and develop herself and compares herself with the past version of herself and not
making other people her barometer stick. Marry a woman who is thankful and grateful
for what she has. Marry a woman who will believe the best about
other people and not talk negatively about them behind their back.
Marry a woman who respects other people's
boundaries, a woman who will help you to become all that
you're called to be in Christ and to help you to fulfill your God-given purpose.
Marry a woman who will partner with you
in life instead of expecting you to carry her in life.
But don't expect to marry a woman like
that unless you're willing to become those very same things for her.
Understand that you need to first become what you want to attract.
So I would recommend that you spend more of your energy and time on becoming
that perfect person rather than searching for that perfect one,
because who you are becoming will automatically attract the right one.
There's a scripture in Proverbs 18:22 that says, "He who finds a wife finds
a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord."
So I pray that you have a favor from God
and that he will grant you to find that good thing in your life, a wife,
and that it would be a union where both of you could help each other become
the very best versions of who you're called to be.
I hope these insights were helpful.
If you would like to see more content from me and have not subscribed yet,
click that subscribe button and click the bell so that you can get all the alerts
because every single week I will be posting a new video to empower you
in navigating toxic relationships in your life.
And if you like this video, please do give it a like.
This just helps me to know what kind of content you like.
And of course, if you have any suggestions of other topics you would like me
to cover, please feel free to drop your ideas in the comment section.
Now, this brings me to the end of my video.
Thank you so much for watching.
I appreciate you. Until the next time.