>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK!
WE ARE HERE WITH THE AUTHOR OF "SHAQ'S FAMILY STYLE" NEW
COOKBOOK FROM SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.
SHAQ, YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I'VE HAD A CHANCE TO
TALK TO YOU.
BUT THE THING IS, EVEN WHEN WE DO, LIKE, 10, 15 MINUTE OF
TALKING TO EACH OTHER, THAT'S HARD TO GET TO KNOW A GUEST IN
THAT SHORT A PERIOD OF TIME, AND I FEEL BAD THAT I'VE HAD CHARLES
BARKLEY ON SO MANY TIMES AND I KNOW HIM BETTER THAN I KNOW YOU,
AND I'D LIKE TO MAKE UP FOR THAT RIGHT NOW, OKAY?
THIS IS MY APOLOGY TO YOU.
AND I HOPE YOU ACCEPT IT.
I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE HAVING HIM ON.
I KNOW THAT.
WE HAVE COME UP WITH A WAY TO GET TO KNOW GUESTS PRETTY
QUICKLY HERE AT THE SHOW.
IT'S CALLED THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT.
YOU ANSWER THESE 15 QUESTIONS AND YOU WILL BE FULLY KNOWN BY
ME AND THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.
DO YOU HAVE THE COURAGE?
ARE YOU WILLING TO FACE THE FIRE?
>> OF COURSE.
>> Stephen: ♪ ♪ ♪
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL, FIRST QUESTION: WHAT IS THE BEST
SANDWICH?
>> TURKEY CLUB.
>>
>> Stephen: CLASSIC.
IT'S A CLASSIC.
PRETTY SAFE IN ANY HOTEL, TOO.
>> WITH EXTRA MAYO ON THE SIDE, WITH SOME FRIES.
>> Stephen: DO YOU DIP THE FRIES IN THE MAYO?
>> NO, MAN.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NO!
>> THEY DO THAT IN EUROPE.
>> WE'RE NOT IN EUROPE.
>> Stephen: YOU PLAY IN THE EUROPEAN LEAGUE, THEY FORCE YOU
TO EAT MAYONNAISE OVER THERE.
WHAT'S THE ONE THING YOU OWN THAT YOU SHOULD REALLY THROW
OUT?
( LAUGHTER )
MY FRONT YARD.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A 20-FOOT GUERRILLA IN YOUR FRONT YARD.
>> LEANING ON A TREE.
>> Stephen: IN A TREE.
>> NO, LEANING ON A TREE, IN GEORGIA, JUST SITTING THERE
LOOKING AT PEOPLE WHEN THEY DRIVE BY.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: SOUNDS LIKE A PRETTY GOOD SECURITY SYSTEM.
NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT ONE.
SHAQ, WHAT IS THE SCARIEST ANIMAL?
>> A SNAKE.
>> Stephen: CLASSIC, CLASSIC, YEAH.
APPAPPLES OR ORANGES?
>> ACTUALLY, A SHARK.
I DID "SHARK WEEK "AND I ALMOST DIE.
>> Stephen: FROM THE SHARK OR FRIGHT.
>> SOME GENIUS WHO BUILT THE CAGE HAD AN OPENING THIS BIG.
I SAW IT AND I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT IT, AND WHEN I REALIZED IT
THE SHARK WAS COMING TOWARD THE THING AND I THOUGHT HE LOOKS
LIKE HE'S COMING IN.
AND WHEN HE CAME IN, I JUST STAYED AT THE BOTTOM.
AND THEN HE CAME DOWN, AND I WAS LIKE AAAH!
AND I BUMPED HIM AND I GOT OUT OF THE WATER SO FAST.
>> Stephen: YOU PUNCHED A SHARK?
>> I SURE DID, RIGHT IN HIS FACE.
>> Stephen: A LITTLE ELBOW.
A LITTLE ELBOW?
THERE YOU GO.
>> HE CAME DOWN WITH THOSE BIG EYES.
WHEN I WAS THERE THERE WERE A WHOLE BUNCH OF BUBBLES, BUT AS
SOON AS I SAW HIM I JUST STOPPED THE BUBBLES.
( LAUGHTER )
ANYMORE.
AND I WAS LIKE...
>> DID YOU HAVE ASKING TO SAY TO THE GUYS WHEN THEY GOT YOU BACK
ON THE SURFACE?
>> NO, IT WAS ALL GOOD.
YOU WHAN I SAID TO THEM, "DID YOU GET THAT FOOTAGE?
DID YOU GET THAT FOOTAGE?" >> Stephen: SURE, IF YOU'RE
ALMOST GOING TO DIE YOU WANT TO GET THAT FOOTAGE.
APPLES OR ORANGES, SHAQ.
>> ORANGES, I LIVE IN FLORIDA, SIR.
>> Stephen: CROSS A LINE.
HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR AUTOGRAPH.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WHO, DR. J., JULIUS IRVING.
>> Stephen: >> Stephen: DID HE GIVE IT TO
YOU?
>> OF COURSE.
>> Stephen: WERE YOU YOUNG?
>> WHEN I WAS IN THE N.B.A.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE?
>> NOBODY KNOWS.
HEAVEN?
BARKLEY'S GOING TO HELL, SO...
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
HEAVEN?
I'M GOING TO HEAVEN, SO...
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE.
>> FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE.
HM.
"SUPERMAN."
THE FIRST ONE.
>> Stephen: THE FIRST ONE, WITH CHRISTOPHER REEVE.
THERE YOU GO.
YOU BELIEVE A MAN CAN FLY.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WINDOW OR AISLE.
>> PRIVATE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: FAVORITE SMELL?
>> FARTS.
( LAUGHTER )
HESITATE TO ASK THIS NEXT ONE-- LEAST FAVORITE SMELL.
>> LIMBURGER CHEESE.
>> Stephen: MOST-USED APP ON YOUR PHONE?
>> WORLD STAR HIP HOP.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
>> WORLD STAR HIP HOP.
>> Stephen: WORLD STAR HIP HOP.
WHAT HAPPENS THERE?
>> A LOT.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
( LAUGHTER )
SECOND?
FAVORITE SMELL.
YOUR FARTS, OR SOMEBODY ELSE'S.
>> EITHER/OR.
>> Stephen: THAT'S VERYIENEROUS WITH.
>> WHEN BARKLEY FARTS, I SAY OH, YOU WENT TO THE WAFFLE HOUSE
THIS MORNING.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE LIKE A CONNOISSEUR.
YOU CAN NAME THE SLOPES THE GRAPES ARE GROWN ON.
>> EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: THROUGH THE GOT TO BE A MARKET FOR THAT SOME PLACE.
CATS OR DOGS?
>> DOGS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
CATS!
>> Stephen: CATS?
( APPLAUSE ).
>> DOGS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LISTEN TO ONE SONG FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT IS IT?
♪ SINCE YOU'VE BEEN GONE ♪ ♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ AND I DO, I DON'T KNOW THE WORDS, BUT I KNOW THE SONG
♪ SINCE YOU'VE BEEN GONE ♪
I NEVER KNOW THE WORDS.
OR-- OR-- OR ♪ TAKE THESE BROKEN WINGS
LEARN TO FLY AGAIN ♪ LEARN TO DISAPPEAR ♪
OR ♪ COME-A, COME-A, CAMELLIA ♪
OR ♪ I'VE SEEN YOUR TRUE COLOR
SHINING THROUGH ♪ >> Stephen: WOW, WOW, YOU
COULD PLAY CINDY LAUPER SOME DAY.
>> YES, I COULD.
>> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF?
>> 27.
>> Stephen: NO.
DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS.
>> 10.
YEARS.
AHEAD.
OLD FOLKS.
HOME.
>> Stephen: OLD FOLKS IS HYPHENATED.
>> NO, OLD FOLKS IS ONE WORD.
Q. OLD FOLKS IS ONE WORD?
JUDGES?
IT'S ONE WORD OLE FOLKS.
>> Stephen: SHAQ, YOU'RE KNOWN NOW.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING THE CHANCE.
>> Stephen: "SHAQ'S FAMILY STYLE" IS AVAILABLE NOW.
HE'LL BE BACK.