[Music]
after the mind-blowing success of the
Avengers that game-changing thrills of
the Winter Soldier and the unexpected
surprise of guardians of the galaxy you
thought there was no way the next
Avengers could live up to the high you
were right
Avengers age of Ultron I mean it's
definitely good just not great you know
what I mean like certainly enjoyable but
you know oh man we're gonna catch hell
for this aren't we
when the Mandarin seemingly killed iron
man and took the president hostage
The Avengers didn't assemble when
Malekith almost destroyed the universe
The Avengers didn't assemble and when a
terrorist organization infiltrated
shield and King just seconds away from
killing millions the Avengers still
didn't assemble but when a remote Hydra
base might be hiding something every
single Avenger is assembling all up in
his business for even more group shots
hey does that mean we can finally stop
using this one Joss Whedon is back at
the helm and more beatdown than ever in
the second one the chop just got harder
oh I have all these restrictions but I
also have all these guidelines as he
does his best to meet our unrealistic
nerd expectations and tries to make a
standalone sequel as good as Empire
Strikes Back or Godfather 2 that also
sets up Civil War every time someone
tries to win a war before it starts
innocent people die and sets up infinity
war the mine stone is the fourth of the
Infinity stones to show up in the last
few years and sets up thor ragnarok
whole dead china nazi and sets up like
panther walking nada
what will condom and fits in Disney
corporate cross-promotions strings and
in a juggling act so insanely difficult
he turned down the sequel quit Twitter
and doesn't have any new films in
development Oh guys I think we just
broke Joss Whedon he needs a hug
experience the movie equivalent of
emptying out your entire toy box and
smashing all your action figures into
each other as the Avengers roster blows
even further with vision Scarlet Witch
and Quicksilver who for some reason are
never called vision Scarlet Witch or
Quicksilver one as a lame Russian
knockoff of the x-men that Fox did way
better one has hand-wavy bind control
powers and can also stop trains and the
other is a beam shooting 3d printed
vibranium robot plus Jarvis plus the
mine stove who can fly and makes capes
what can one of you guys explain vision
to me I have no idea who or what he is
you've seen great Marvel movie villains
like Loki and no no no definitely not
not even close
huh guess it's still just Loki now get
ready for another generically evil
one-off villain who hates the Avengers
for reasons with an over complicated
plot to evolve and or destroy the world
by turning in Eastern European city into
a meteor not a great plan you've been
waiting for years to see your heroes
come together again now watch them fight
for limited screen time full of rush
side plots like black widows black swan
school Thor's magic jacuzzi
if the water spirits accept me I can
return to my dream Captain America's old
party thing and the most out of left
field love story since Spock and Uhura
but don't worry there's still plenty of
time left over for your least favorite
Avenger to become your third or fourth
least favorite Avenger ah okay good for
you we'd like you now get ready for
everything you loved about the first
Avengers movie all over again
mind control again looking for Loki's
scepter again ah Thanos teased again a
final showdown against a faceless army
with a ticking clock again and tons of
yes well I'm decrypting nuclear codes
and you know what me too you guys
multiplying faster than a Catholic
rabbit we won't hold it against you if
you can't get it up and he did a Banksy
the crime scene with a minute of stop
whipping it's good talk I didn't say you
could leave your old not worthy language
you son of a kiss your mother with
that mom and banner better not be
playing hide the zucchini you've never
made an omelet he beat me by one second
oh man these things are gonna be
insufferable when ant-man a star-lord
show up
starring Mister Rogers
Hank Pym beets bye Bruce good luck
finding her action figure archer farm
and furious so that's what andy serkis
looks like resting which face the quick
and the dead
cgi bombs super siri Skynet and the New
Avengers yay Avengers roughly one week
of Ultron I'm calling it the shield
Helicarrier will become the MCU Siegel's
be sure to subscribe for more honest
trailers my tights are way too tight the
call is coming from inside your phone
not the face
never the face there are no strings on
me
clowns parting rub-a-dub-dub thanks for
the grub