why everyone is so [bleep] mad all the time.
So we'd like to lighten things up
in a segment we call
"Why is Everyone so [Bleep] Sad All the Time?"
♪ Why is everyone ♪
Oh, we're not doing music anymore. Fine.
America was founded on the idea that people are entitled
to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But what does that really mean?
It sounds like the founding fathers just couldn't think
of another word that started with "L."
It was supposed to be life, liberty, and leeches.
[ Laughter ]
But then they realized that health care isn't a right,
and they scrapped it.
But remember -- the phrase is the pursuit of happiness.
Nowhere does it actually say you get to have it.
And as it turns out, the pursuit of happiness
is making us all miserable.
The data showed that chasing happiness
can make people unhappy.
Even though life is getting objectively better
by nearly every conceivable standard,
more people feel hopeless, depressed, and alone.
As life gets better, we get sadder.
That's why it was so easy
for the founding fathers to pursue happiness.
To them, happiness was a well-stocked gun cabinet,
two of your 12 kids living past the age of 8,
and having a slave who knew how to keep a secret.
Life was good.
Now despite having every possible convenience,
we're sadder than ever.
Even money can only do so much.
In fact, as people get richer,
they make themselves more unhappy
because of unhealthy social comparisons.
We don't do ourselves any favors
since we keep a little box of unhealthy social comparisons
on ourselves at all times.
Social media is built on a lie.
[ Applause ]
You think that Instagram models
are as happy as they appear to be?
No. Look at this photo of a hot Instagram model.
But zoom out a little bit, and you'll see the real story.
She died trying to take a selfie on a cliff
during a particularly nice sunset.
#AAAAH!
[ Laughter ]
Social connections are the key to happiness,
but these days, we're more connected than ever,
and it's killing us.
Teens who use electronic devices more hours a day
are more likely to be at risk for suicide.
Twenge says the so-called smartphone generation
is less likely to have
face-to-face interaction with friends,
which she says is crucial
for mental health and building social skills.
"Face-to-face interaction is crucial for mental health."
Seems like bullshit to me.
I'm sitting face-to-face with you people right now,
and I'm [bleep] miserable.
I'll be honest. I'll be honest.
I struggle with sadness and depression at times.
And those times are from
the moment that I wake up to just before I go to bed.
Today I'm sad because an Instagram model
I was dating fell off a cliff.
#AWWW.
[ Laughter ]
But I'm part of an at-risk population -- white men.
White men kill themselves more than anybody else.
Statistics like that put things in perspective,
because if white men can't be happy,
the rest of you don't stand a [bleep] chance.
[ Cheers and applause ]
The truth is, if you're not happy,
there's not a whole lot you can do about it.
Your baseline -- In the literature,
this is called "set point" sometimes.
It's sort of how happy or unhappy are you
in the absence of other events in your life?
People who go to jail, a year later, they're about
as happy or unhappy as before they went to jail.
Oh, I can see that.
You know, if I went to jail, I'd probably be all right.
Sure, there'd be a lot of rapes and beatings
in the first few months,
but then I'd settle down and leave everyone alone.
[ Laughter ]
But to the unhappy people,
I want to tell you that you're not alone.
Woman: United States the third-most
overall depressed country
after China and India.
India's number one!
That's karma for ya!
And the U.S. is third.
Turns out having a shit healthcare system,
high gun violence, high cost of education,
high cost of living, and using doughnuts as hamburger buns
isn't a recipe for success.
[ Laughter ]
Look.
Happiness is a fleeting thing.
You can't force it.
When you try to be happy,
it just makes you more unhappy that you're not happy.
The only way to be truly satisfied is to embrace sadness.
Think about it.
You can be unhappy, but you can't be unsad.
And there are so many flavors of sad.
You can be melancholy, dejected, forlorn.
It's a rainbow of shit.
And sadness can be great.
It gives you excuses to do many fun things
like sleep late, cancel plans, start drinking at noon.
Maybe the pursuit of happiness is the wrong idea.
Instead of pursuing happiness, we should just ignore it.
So, happiness, from now on, I'm playing hard to get.
I'm not interested in you anymore, happiness.
Although if you want to get a coffee,
I'm sure we could get a coffee.
It would be no real commitment.
And I do have a show coming up at the improv down the road.
And you could show up with friends.
It wouldn't be like a date. It would be a group thing.
Look, look, can -- can you please text me sometime?
And -- Or, at the very least, could you unblock me?